Forum LockedText Battle Archive: Topical Twist TORNADO: Ridley v Slip (3-1)

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Direct Link To This Post Topic: Topical Twist TORNADO: Ridley v Slip (3-1)
    Posted: 09 October 2016 at 6:46pm
Topical battle
32 line limit
Topic = Eye of the storm
Deadline = Midnight, 1 week from today


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 October 2016 at 2:20am
Hurricane
Coulrophobia

Since Donald Trump was elected president, shits bin hectic
an uprising of killer clowns becomes an evident epidemic
devils rejects are eminent, evil spreads like a disease
air born as the wind roars, life is no longer a breeze
for families affected by the chaos it all clouds over
forced to feel afraid and look over their shoulder
the Inkpens have done nothing ,not the violent type to purge
held up in their home while a civilian storm begins to surge
two sisters a bother, father and mother ,cant help but wonder
if they will have to suffer as they listen to the thunder
anarchy reigns around them people are slipping under
sanity's down the drain devastation starts to smother
any trace of hope has drowned beneath the crumbled foundations cover
the floods now flow like rivers threw the streets as people plunder 
sympathetic as a tsunami loving as an earthquake forgiving as a drought
there is no pleading with these bullets once the trigger lets them out
gun shots ,explosions, people screaming in the street
a war zone surrounding them made it hard to sleep
one of the daughters gazed threw the window at a charcoal sky
with grey clouds that swirled around in the shape of an eye
the house began to creak in a way that chilled her to the bone
a raw unyielding power from the visuals alone
the screeching wind howls each rain drop like a stone
the eye of the storm closes, psychotic clowns enter the home
little ridleys in the closet shaking like a leaf
coulrophobias kicking in chattering his teeth
a machete slashes threw the door inches from his face
like Pennywise is back ,time to terrorise this place
the juggalos were vicious raped both of his sisters
mutilated their faces started taking pictures
brutally slit his parents throats, left'em for dead
Ridley has a fear of clowns now and tends to wet the bed
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 October 2016 at 7:00am
This is the captain's log of the Scorpio 2 - my first command & it oughta be fun
I've been tasked the job of forming a crew to find what happened to Scorpio 1

Since August begun all that we've done is find desolate planets no weather just sand
Now we're orbiting one & orders have come: 'cancel the scanning, get ready to land'

Our trajectory planned and descent is in hand, as easy as offing a fish in a bowl,
But though it was textbook, the moment we set foot, we lost our comms-link to mission control

Systems are Go, but vision is No, so I rescan the surface for anything threatening
What the instruments show, left me chilled to the bone ... and exactly the same in every direction

Impossible readings, not what they seem and not any reason to postpone adventure
So I dropped off a team to take stock of the scene, while I stayed aboard to check probes & the sensors

Nobody mentioned the foreboding tension, that everyone felt ... and was getting clearer
And I broke in a sweat when the probe I just checked read the same thing ... but was getting nearer!

Dread and fear as if the devil's here, from the source of the darkness we'd settled our eyes on
Cos death is here in this hemisphere in the shape of tornadoes on every Horizon

I know an Eyewall Of A Storm when it's brewing, as studying weather's a particular proclivity
So it's time that I call the rest of the crew in, and call off the Extra-Vehicular Activity


I watched numerous space-suits all losing a race to the sweep of a curtain while their mission's forgot
And while reducing its radius we're losing our agents as the storm draws to 10 feet of the ship and then stops
I deduce that it's tasting us, proved that it's sated and feasted and ready to finish the job
Then the conclusion is facing us, resuming apace, with no time to .........................

************

This is mission control to Scorpio 3 ... listen close as I'm talking to you
You're tasked with job of forming a crew to find what happened to Scorpio 2

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 October 2016 at 6:57pm

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Slip I liked the angle you came with here,you line lengths helped
the tempo also,and scattered throughout there were multi,'s which
in turn made this drop an effortless read,and pacey too,coupled
with the detail and contents aswell made it an interesting one also,
your take on the topic eye of the storm was one of civil unrest and
mayhem,and straight off the bat in your opener you set the scene well,
centering around a family unit caught up in the storm,with this as
your choice you gave yourself a lot of room content wise,you had some
highlights within this verse that for me stood out,like these.

"Since Donald Trump was elected president, shits bin hectic
an uprising of killer clowns becomes an evident epidemic"

"sympathetic as a tsunami loving as an earthquake forgiving as a drought
there is no pleading with these bullets once the trigger lets them out"


there were more to be had to be fair,but these appealed to me the most,
your opener set the tone,which had some sprite about it,but the ending
was equally good,incorporating Ridley into this verse was creative i
believe,plus it injected some humour into your tale and closed out on
a some what brighter note..good work.


Ridley with your saga set in space I thought this to be also creative here,
and like Slip you too had some fine contents and vocab aswell,I liked
the vibe of your verse because you managed to add suspension within it,
nice touch that liked it,although your lines were stretched at times,it still
happened to stay on track,you too had some highlights with your offering
here,you had some multi's too that helped readability overall.your tale
had more to do with weather patterns as such,and with the scene set in
space, you created your own room for scope in topic..


"Our trajectory planned and descent is in hand, as easy as offing a fish in a bowl,
But though it was textbook, the moment we set foot, we lost our comms-link to mission control"

"Dread and fear as if the devil's here, from the source of the darkness we'd settled our eyes on
Cos death is here in this hemisphere in the shape of tornadoes on every Horizon"


1 of the thing that struck me in the last bar I highlighted was the word devil,in
space tornado's are called devils, especially on the planet Mars,where their
known as dust devils, I assume you knew this hence it inclusion,if so then it
was nice, cause the word severd as a double meaning within this piece,and
again like Slip your closing lines where nice aswell,the way you just cut
off at the end was good,and then the sending of Scorpio 3,to find what has
happened to Scorpio 1 and 2,so the cycle continues,also good work.


Overall both had a good verse here,which as a voter forces me to tax my
brain to decide a winner,so I read each verse again and still I was none
the wiser,this vexed me to make a choice,so I'm voting this like a reg
battle here,and surprise it helped me to make a choice,and I'm going to
go with Slip, here's why,I do believe the detail and humour just carried
him over here,if I could I would call draw,but I can't,props to both for
making it hard to vote,no B shit,it really is close, so I feel prefrence
will come into play with voting on this..

Vote..Slip..(just by a width of a cunt hair)..peace.




"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 October 2016 at 5:35am

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Slip:  You had your Donald Trump reference mixed with the clowns.  This was pretty much a verse that was based on the whole purge concept.  Which is fine.  Cus you executed it on a dope level with your flow being on point for the majority of the verse.  In my opinion tho it would have been better if you had a more original concept.  This to me seemed so much like the purge it was hard for me to tell the difference.  Your rhyming tho for the most part was descriptive and flowed extremely well.  You painted the story well with your words which is always a big plus in my book.  Personally I'm also not a fan of using my opponents name in topical battles.   I really do feel it takes away from your verse.  It's a topical battle...focus on the story and not ya opponent.  Overall Your flow and imagery was pretty fucking dope.  I loved the wind howls as each rain drop is a stone.  And the charcoal sky.  and then how they swirled in the shape of an eye. I loved the word usage.  Overall great verse

Rids:  Your opening bar was so well worded but so simplistic I have to give you major props on that.  It highlights your writing ability.  Your second bar was great.  I am a huge fan of internal rhyming and you nailed it.  You were also able to do that but keep a detailed sequence into the story in general.  

"  Impossible readings, not what they seem and not any reason to postpone adventure
So I dropped off a team to take stock of the scene, while I stayed aboard to check probes & the sensors"---This was so well written in my mind its crazy....You kept the interest of the story but you absolutely killed the flow...some of the best written work I've seen in a  long time.  

"Dread and fear as if the devil's here, from the source of the darkness we'd settled our eyes on
Cos death is here in this hemisphere in the shape of tornadoes on every Horizon 

I know an Eyewall Of A Storm when it's brewing, as studying weather's a particular proclivity
So it's time that I call the rest of the crew in, and call off the Extra-Vehicular Activity"

The first segment I quoted was pure butter.  You maintained the story your lines were perfect and there is nothing bad to say.  In your last bar you stepped up your vocab and then delivered the best bar in your entire verse in my opinion.  this bar was my favorite.


Overall: MVGT: Ridley.  I mean slip came with it..he had some great topical skills with his writing..but Ridley went absolute ape shit on this one...he was top notch in everything I look for in a topical...Yo slip against anything else you'd get my vote but ridley perfected this topic.

cheers to both of you


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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 November 2016 at 8:30pm
1-1...looking for more votes here
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 November 2016 at 10:01pm

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Slip, an interesting social narrative. Very basic schemes with bare bones 1 syllable end rhymes and scarce internal rhymes. Content was there tho, theres vulgar scenes of imagery. The ending really turned me off. Immature cop out, wasn't feeling it. This was an average stab at the topic with a few misses.

Ridley, a more mechanically sophisticated read. Your battling background gives topical shit an interesting shade. Great storytelling, interesting rhyme schemes, descriptive wording, circular intro/ending was well executed. Overall solid verse.

Both tried their best but Rid has a much more enjoyable verse.

+1 Ridley
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 November 2016 at 12:36am

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slip - i must say, man, you've improved like a muhfucker! the flow was crisp pretty much the whole way through. Although it did lack in the technical side i really like the imagery painted:

one of the daughters gazed threw the window at a charcoal sky

Way to incorporate some very nice analogies: 

sympathetic as a tsunami loving as an earthquake forgiving as a drought

great home invasion type story, connecting it to the contemporary paranoia. I thought that was very clever. The thing i wasn't too fond of was the ending. like Why?? It was such a serious piece but then when u put Ridley in there it kind of changed the mood lol


Rid, as a sci/fi lover, i really like this piece. I felt ur technique was a lot more refine than ur opponent. Flow as crisp, characteristic of the text battler species lol. THis verse reminds me of Even Horizon - the recon mission and then the tragic story. Usually cliffhangers turn me off but i have to say it was implemented well in context to ur story. overall it did what it had to do and did it well.

vote - Ridley. I honestly thought that if Slip had a more solid ending, he could have taken this, for me. Great battle guys. really enjoyed it.




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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 November 2016 at 7:09pm
3-1 Rids
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