Open Mic: (TWD) Reflections |
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rhetorical 
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Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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 Topic: (TWD) ReflectionsPosted: 24 March 2018 at 12:54am |
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My life aquatic, I’m drenched in puddles of bad advice Every scuffle fought in the trenches to every loss sufficed So concise are poems gone unspoken in this broken home Where bare feet hit the cracks in the gravel I roam alone For eons, you either live free or grieve with the peons I’m a neon beast in the dark… heart full of freezing freon Departing from this world as I convulse and pulsate Humanity breaks like binary stars too repulsed to relate My legend hangs at the edge where it captures the
prospect I was destined to be less than a person . . . or even an
object
Edited by rhetorical - 24 March 2018 at 1:00am |
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Sammy
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Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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Posted: 24 March 2018 at 11:37pm |
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man i miss ur writing bro. i think when u want to, you're easily top of top tier. i've always been a fan of your "accessible" degree of poetic language. its clear you used it to enhance the overall writing and not to show off (like i do most times lol). the visuals are always crisp and the flow is consistent. my only complaint is that its too short but that's more so the fault of the rule ha. write a full length bro!
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spume corrupt
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Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Posted: 25 March 2018 at 2:19am |
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Damn brother
I got 9from 10 and thought to myself You got this one Corrupt! Shit changed right here! I gotta nail the tenth now! An the I’m shaky This was dope for a WD You made it look easy THIS month is looking amazing @ LA NOT DEAD YETI OH SNOW MAN |
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SELF ACTIVATE
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Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Posted: 25 March 2018 at 3:51pm |
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The literal definition of concise wording. Bro, if you ain't top ten all-time I don't know who is. The flow is steady and even when contrived by virtue of a challenge your words still sound wise and informative. A true lyrcist. I appreciate your talent, Rhet. This piece was a pleasure to read. Peace.
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daydizzle89
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Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Posted: 26 March 2018 at 2:22pm |
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My life aquatic, I’m drenched in puddles of bad advice Every scuffle fought in the trenches to every loss sufficed ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Nice opener here man. Digging the use of vocab and flow is dope So concise are poems gone unspoken in this broken home Where bare feet hit the cracks in the gravel I roam alone ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  Sick shit here brother. Flow is transitioning each bar well For eons, you either live free or grieve with the peons I’m a neon beast in the dark… heart full of freezing freon  This is dope. Nice everything here. Departing from this world as I convulse and pulsate Humanity breaks like binary stars too repulsed to relate  This is how you use a set of words given to you My legend hangs at the edge where it captures the prospect I was destined to be less than a person . . . or even an object  Dope shit here my man. You need to write more to give me some entertainment. your shit is dope |
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Lord Puente
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Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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Posted: 26 March 2018 at 3:42pm |
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This was dope rhet. From the ones I read this was the best use of the words in an actual verse. Closer was my fav along with the puddles of bad advice part. Good to see you back on the site homie
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spume corrupt
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Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Posted: 26 March 2018 at 11:43pm |
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That binary star/repulsed line was mad vision
This is a brilliant entry rhets |
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iLL ScriptureZ
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Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 27 March 2018 at 1:56pm |
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High quality here. The depth to this joint was really well done. The usage of the words were not just thrown in but used to add meat to the joint. They were contributing factors. I thought the closer was hard. Giving that emotion of feeling less than a person but then again, anything at all.
Kudos.
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