Open Mic: [WD#1] The Wordsmyth!

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   I'm a refinery with scriptures and just smoking up for my torrid closure!!
My shit will break those Charmin Ultra bars leaving ya absorbent over
Listening to ya'll ancient dictaphone spits got me in a recording coma
But my pen is ill and with this cheese I got, you'd think I rock gorgonzola!!(penicillin)
Ya'll got ludic raps when you come in armed with cellophane(wraps)
Even a Aeromancy Professor will tell ya law's a thunderstorm or hurricane!
and any opponent would go Kerflooey, Cause my voice is Vociferous
A Rickshaw what ya'll drive, cause a wheel behind is how you deliver it,
I've always questioned if ya'll could punctuate and that shit is Ironic, 
That I'm the only one that ever put the Exclamation point on it!!!! 

Edited by The Law - 13 February 2016 at 2:20am

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The Law Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote The Law Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: [WD#1] The Wordsmyth! Posted: 12 February 2016 at 10:14pm
	I'm a refinery with scriptures and just smoking up for my torrid closure!! My shit will break those Charmin Ultra bars leaving ya absorbent over Listening to ya'll ancient dictaphone spits got me in a recording coma But my pen is ill and with this cheese I got, you'd think I rock gorgonzola!!(penicillin) Ya'll got ludic raps when you come in armed with cellophane(wraps) Even a Aeromancy Professor will tell ya law's a thunderstorm or hurricane! and any opponent would go Kerflooey, Cause my voice is Vociferous A Rickshaw what ya'll drive, cause a wheel behind is how you deliver it, I've always questioned if ya'll could punctuate and that shit is Ironic, That I'm the only one that ever put the Exclamation point on it!!!! Edited by The Law - 13 February 2016 at 2:20am
	Go my Minions!

iLL ScriptureZ Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote iLL ScriptureZ Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 12 February 2016 at 10:27pm
	This shit was fire. First what I liked was you multis- two words together which was pretty smart. You used a variety of technique by using them in metas/wordplay and all of them in some sort of punch. That wheel behind bar was soo tough to me. Kudos Law...

The Law Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote The Law Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 February 2016 at 2:21am
	Edited to the required ten lines. Thank you for the feedback ILL. I appreciate it. Will get you back here shortly.
	Go my Minions!

Venomonology Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 23 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 674 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-2-0 Form: WWLWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Venomonology Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 February 2016 at 2:37am
	Very nice drop overall, enjoyed reading this piece. I know you had to edit the original to meet the 10 lines, so it's pretty impressive that even after having to do that it doesn't really feel like you forced any of the key words in here that much. I really enjoyed the absorbent over / recording coma / gorgonzola section and thought it was pretty dope that you got 2 of the key words to work as rhymes in the same scheme. Only thing personally I thought slightly took away from a really smooth execution was the syllable count on the aeromancy line. Think it could've been refined as it feels a little too long to me. I think the below flows smoother, for example: Ya'll got ludic raps when you come in armed with cellophane Even a Aeromancy Professor will tell ya law's a hurricane

The Law Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote The Law Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 19 February 2016 at 10:42pm
	Thank you for the feedback, I appreciate it.
	Go my Minions!