Open Mic: [WD#1] To put it loosily |
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 12 February 2016 at 1:41am |
Yo... Dicking whores on my rickshaw, on way to the refinery, I'm eating gorgonzola snortin coke i, like to fine dine ya see, Out my mind, i get ludic just off 2 gigs of the internet True shit, a social media addict a phone get me vociferous,, Absorbent, my minds so magnificent, i'm now the new breed, Throwing punches like a roofie, its lights out Kerflooey, About the truth see, every punctuate's been an honest one, Religion don't cloud this mind, aeromercy's never set the ambiance
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#bananas
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Venomonology
Standard Member Joined: 23 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 674 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-2-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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solid drop man, flows well. only thing I can see is that you've got 9 of the 10 words here, I think you're missing dictaphone unless my eyes are playing tricks.. and it's aeromancy not aeromercy, just keep an eye for typos like that. I didn't catch it until the 2nd time I read through, so easy to miss.
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Thanks man it was too late by the time I clocked it too.
And with dictaphone I thought I'd get creative "Social media ad"dictaphone" gets me vociferous " Crafty. |
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#bananas
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Must admit I missed that too...nothing wrong with a breakdown wordplay (I'd actively encourage it) but maybe highlighting it would've made it easier, ad-dict-a-phone probably the way to go. Think it suffers from the previous criticsm I made when you used a breakdown play in that it's supposed to work both ways & I don't really think it does. Plus I think the purpose of the challenge is to actually use the word in appropriate context, so in terms of the challenge it was a little minus point.
But actually overall I thought you did a really good job with this, I liked the roofie/kerflooey line in particular and you definitely didn't seem forced in any of your word usage, you integrated everything naturally and it flowed through really nicely. Next time I'd challenge you to make your lines a bit harder hitting if you can...obviously that shit is difficult to do, but if you search back through the archives you'll find people like Manc who smashed it out the park despite the limitations the words give you. Good effort, nice to see you getting involved. |
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