Open Mic: [WD#7] Coming Back

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damage View Drop Down

Joined: 26 December 2016
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    Posted: 26 December 2016 at 3:32pm
Adamant depravity, what are the odds of honesty?,
A mirage of chronological relics of what he ought to be,
Audible words shaped to detonate; Grab the tourniquet,
The onomatopoeia left him burned & split to learn to quit,
But thoughts spurned with grit yet churned with wit,
He's earned it quick; Back to attack & crack the whip,
With tactical grip & a placard plastered with quip,
Back at her hip... Sanguine energy through a genuine vent,
Her pulchritude skewed by notions of discontent,
Plenty of fish in the ocean but it's focus whale spent.

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Joined: 05 February 2016
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SELF ACTIVATE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 December 2016 at 3:54pm
Off the rip... I have to commend you for your flow. It was silky smooth from start to finish, which in my opinion, is a feat in and of itself given the awkwardness of some the key words. So props to you on that end. As for the content ... well, it was pretty good. Especially given the fact that it was able to hold my attention after reading and feeding a million different entries that have flipped, tossed, and run these words into the ground at this point. However, personally, I prefer the less abstract approach when it comes to imagery. Although, I could follow your train of thought, it was, for the most part, a little less clear/concrete than I normally like to read. But, everyone has their own style I suppose. Still, tho, it was certainly a nice showing for a first time around. Keep droppin. Peace.
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