Open Mic: Window and Rain |
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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Posted: 09 May 2018 at 5:59pm |
By Sammy
whats insane is its raining in Mass again. im in class bored as fuck. Professor Peters crafting a tangent on mass effect lol not the game, but fact that trends can have its way with the Mass. Again... im bored, fuck him. Outside, the widening gap of crassness contends, who's really here for class? And who's here just to fulfill a natural swing graphed by societal standards. Me? i observe the passing trends. Their walk. Their swag. Their steps play tag every so often like "which one of them had it rough?" "who's behind the bag in rent?" a lanky blonde chick strolled by - in my mind's eyes, a crafty bitch. nuance can unveil some really nasty things. take for example, the way she smiles in the placid wind now she's either mad content, or this chick is already thinking five ahead... still water runs the Atlantic trench a Mariana of myriads waiting to grab what's left if she is what i've assess, big props to her - the process, i'm guessing - the plotting, the sketch i'm sure there' much thoughts reflected beneath that abercrombie and "twitch..." we all have a twitch. In psychology its referred to as a "pocket of lint" i'm unclear on the analogy but... imagine a cloth that is wet... fuck, Peters noticed i'm fuckin around so i'll end it at that lol |
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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I'll get to this shortly my man,probably Sunday as i'm not working..peace.
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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I’m not sure as to why this hasn’t got any feed yet, Sammy, sorry it took me a while to get to this as well.
I thoroughly enjoyed the rather direct, conversational type of approach you took here. I also liked how you transitioned within the initial scene you described. The langue and schemes felt very organic, which obviously made it more authentic. The poetic tone and accessible language was nicely balanced, not least because of the approach you took. The “Mariana of myriads” segment was one of the highlights of the unique turn of phrases you had here. Loved the “pocket of lint” reference as a call back to the mass (and different plays on the word itself) as well. The ending was nice, though it felt slightly abrupt but it was still fitting considering the glimpse of a scene and thoughts you displayed here. It was somewhat short, but still held a certain degree of reflection which I’m used to seeing in your work and which I am appreciate of. Thanks for sharing. |
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Lord Puente
Newbie Final Boss Joined: 05 July 2016 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1814 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-2-0 Form: LWWWLW |
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Now she's either mad content,
or this chick is already thinking five ahead This was my fav thing, so I’m letting you know cuz that’s the thing to do. |
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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lol thanks, u lovable asshole, you!
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