Open Mic: [WMD1] Impending... |
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HallowJack
Groupie Joined: 07 February 2016 Location: Mass Status: Offline Points: 55 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL |
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Posted: 13 February 2016 at 6:02am |
shut up and listen. i didn't travel here to be ludic
i came to warn of a vociferous plot that's now in collusion chemtrails spread by man-made weather storms up in orbit soon death'll come as an inhalant or some form of absorbent a Pharaoh's advisor can mimic Moses' miracles, can't he? Black Science is used to mock God, but they just call it 'Aeromancy' they sit back gorging on gorgonzola, worshipping the Gorgon, Lola brainwashing the masses every time they pick the dictaphone up refinery ready rickshaws awaitin' runners to subjugate ain't got much time till shit goes kerflooey; that's the point that i wanna punctuate. |
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Venomonology
Standard Member Joined: 23 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 674 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-2-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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this was pretty cool man, first thing I've seen you do and it was decent. Gorgon, Lola / dictaphone up doesn't quite work as a rhyme for me but I don't know what your accent is or if you're manipulating the pronunciation there. aside from that I like the fact you were able to use all the words with relative ease and bring something with a message behind it as opposed to a verse where it's obvious it was written just to get those words in.
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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I thought this was cool. I'm with ven in the gorgon, lola doesnt really work as rhyme to me. Although its does carry a similiar rhythem if i try. You blended most of it in nicely. I like what you did with aeromancy, for me that words creating some pretty cool idea's for this challenge. Flow was good for the majority and it had a little bit of a narrative to carry it along. Good effort here.
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#bananas
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