Spotlight: WORD DROP #7

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    Posted: 21 December 2016 at 6:29pm
Unto Reality Know the Gravity keep a Bold Mentality in this world consumed by Total Depravity,
Devise a Paranormal Strategy and Maybe you Won't Regret appearing in the middle of wars Shaking like Tourniquet,
Due to getting constantly getting ripped when the Hit Connect through Invicible bars Misshaping your Sillouette,
The Doomed Multitude Imprisoned in Obscurish Solitude with auras radiating the Truest Pulchritude,
drinking Glasses of Bourbon and Sangria with Bosses of Siria while giving children Classes of Onomatopoeia,
Former Dreamer del otro Dia Dosing with a Pharmacopoeia , A gladiator inside Graduating in time after having to follow Precise Orders from the Lodge,
Now the Nice Brother is a Sarge found deemed worthy and wise getting Closer to the Walls that Border the Mirage,
To be solemnly called the Unholy Rap Bard who escaped from a Sunken Dark Ward is easier to spot than a Storming Mad Guard waving a Golden Placard,
The Sickened soul needs to Learn how to Medicate adrift in Clouds of Burried Faith Now Meditate to hear the tick before the Bombs Detonate
And Encryption the Scene, Personality needed for the Mission was Sanguine, No one had seen priceless rembrandts in Condition so Pristine...
You had to bow down upon enetering the temple and greet the Alien Medics Who gazed at magical powers that emanate from the Ancient Relics...
The Fiercest Known Scraping Domes with jade swords made from Scarce Whale Bone, So shine bright and Sail Home or be tossed in pile with Decayed and Failed Clone...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 December 2016 at 6:57pm
Hey man, welcome (back) to the site...just to give you a heads up on the challenge, you don't have to rhyme the words, only incorporate them into your verse...plus you are supposed to stick to 10 lines or less (yeah it's tough but that's the point!!). As for this, it was ok, I think a couple of times you maybe didn't quite use the assigned word correctly...I think it was sanguine where I think you tried to integrate it into your rhyme scheme but mispronounced it. Dictionary.com is your friend, it gives you a phonetic spelling which tells you how to pronounce it, for future reference.

Cool to see you step in and attempt the challenge though...there's also an OM King challenge available for you to get involved with. Maybe worth reading/feeding on the other entries for the Word Drop too so you get an idea of what works and what doesn't so you can come back stronger next time.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote -Que- Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 January 2017 at 4:40am
I thought you were Schematic from an Old Site with Vulgar and Halfwitit. I can tell by your writing style I was mistaken. Still you have the same Dark writtens as the old Schematic I once knew. I don't get much time here but I read a lot of stuff so hence why you wont see me much unless its stuff like this.

Lets get into it.

Unto Reality Know the Gravity keep a Bold Mentality
in this world consumed by Total Depravity,
Devise a Paranormal Strategy
and Maybe you Won't Regret
appearing in the middle of wars Shaking like Tourniquet,
Due to getting constantly getting ripped when the Hit
Connect through Invicible bars Misshaping your Sillouette,
The Doomed Multitude Imprisoned in Obscurish Solitude
with auras radiating the Truest Pulchritude,
drinking Glasses of Bourbon and Sangria with Bosses of Siria
while giving children Classes of Onomatopoeia,
Former Dreamer del otro Dia Dosing with a Pharmacopoeia ,
A gladiator inside Graduating in time after having to follow Precise Orders from the Lodge,
Now the Nice Brother is a Sarge
found deemed worthy and wise getting Closer to the Walls that Border the Mirage,
To be solemnly called the Unholy Rap Bard
who escaped from a Sunken Dark Ward is easier to spot than a Storming Mad Guard
waving a Golden Placard,
The Sickened soul needs to Learn how to Medicate adrift in Clouds of Burried Faith Now Meditate
to hear the tick before the Bombs Detonate
And Encryption the Scene, Personality needed for the Mission was Sanguine,
No one had seen priceless rembrandts in Condition so Pristine...
You had to bow down upon enetering the temple and greet the Alien Medics
Who gazed at magical powers that emanate from the Ancient Relics...
The Fiercest Known Scraping Domes with jade swords made from Scarce Whale Bone,
So shine bright and Sail Home or be tossed in pile with Decayed and Failed Clone...    
 
^^^ After breaking up your drop a bit, I can see sooooo much deep potential. You got this Dark world you dwell in and a very poetic way of describing it. Besides all the bad word placement...I dug the whole journey, I'm not gonna lie. Sorta that steampunkish anime type imagery that just bleeds through it. Good luck my friend and keep it up. Listen to the advice from the memebers here and you will be a topical beast.
Que Chapter 2
New Beginnings

Resurrection comming soon
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Schematic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2017 at 9:09am
Great feedback, Saw all the rest of verse are all shorter than this one indeed
Seriously Falling in love with this site after reading the lovely comments.
Heard the name vulgar before from netcees where a go by the name JESODIST


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 January 2017 at 11:06am
Straight off the bat your imagery was good,and the tempo/vibe was kind of sombre
also,a little more than 10 lines but hey,I still enjoyed the dark tones here,I don't think
it will qualify for the word drop challenge due to that fact, but this was still a nice
expressive piece on the whole,I liked the vocab/contents that you deployed aswell,I thought you made good with the key words though (if only this was 10 lines),I feel
you would of been in the top half of the submissions for this challenge,saying that,
pls feel free to try again,as this challenge doesn't hinge on being allowed only one
shot per member,just so you know,I'm going to hash out a few lines that I found that
stood out to me in a moment,but i just want to type good effort still,and I look forward
to reading more of your writtens.


'Devise a Paranormal Strategy
and Maybe you Won't Regret
appearing in the middle of wars Shaking like Tourniquet,
Due to getting constantly getting ripped when the Hit
Connect through Invicible bars Misshaping your Sillouette,"


'To be solemnly called the Unholy Rap Bard
who escaped from a Sunken Dark Ward is easier to spot than a Storming Mad Guard
waving a Golden Placard,"

To be fair there is more I could hash out,but today I feel lazy,(and this is a rare thing I'll
state),nice work,a enjoyable read where the pleasure was mine..peace.


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Schematic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 February 2017 at 5:15am
3 solid feedbacks... Thank you
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