Open Mic: Chase These Demons Out |
Post Reply |
Author |
Rating: Topic Search Topic Options
|
Stalin
Site Moderator Joined: 24 November 2003 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2587 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 34-12-2 Form: LNWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(1)
Posted: 25 November 2013 at 5:02am |
How you think they feel, abandoned emotions
Cant even approach him till daddy has a cold one U gotta raise these kids so get ya ass to focus Arrivin at the door to only find a back due notice The facts u hopin u get that promotion But u can't pay the penalty that raps imposin The pain isnt legit? Filled wit anger til im sick Is the price of fame worth bein a stranger to ya kids Everyday I pray, so let me ask you... If im such a good father, why are all of my bills past due?? I aint hidin nothin but my pride is sufferin When my son pushes me away when I try to hug him I gotta get right give him the strength that he needs Im a failure to be seen but hes only aimin to be me Facin evil now, commit to changin things around But I gotta be a role model and chase these demons out Reminisce in my mind that my father was missin at times My sons wishin id hide but he only finds me listenin to rhymes Flowin though the only hopes u know im dope Growin old so I should take every chance to hold him close They my heart so im workin on fixin the whole thing Struggle wit all my muscle cuz the guilt isnt consoling Grabbin his toys to play cuz its my choice to change Cant see my boy ashamed cuz I drink to avoid the pain mistakes im payin for, threw away days, aint wastin more For my son and daughter ima be the father they deserve Sittin here wit nothin but pressure in sight can't pay the bills so im stressin tonight Wish my father was here to give lessons in life I know ill make it thru it all if steph is my wife do it for them, the struggles only testin my mind Got 2 beautiful children the blessins disguised Place the grieving down to face the evil now Got my family so im gonna chase these demons out |
|
Brotha Goose
Standard Member Joined: 07 July 2013 Location: San Diego, CA Status: Offline Points: 2318 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-10-0 Form: LWLWLL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Damn Stalin, you absolutely kill these emotional type pieces. Very enjoyable read bruh, I'd like to see ya drop more, but I know being a family man really ties yur hands.
I liked this set right here, FIRE.... Struggle wit all my muscle cuz the guilt isnt consoling Grabbin his toys to play cuz its my choice to change Cant see my boy ashamed cuz I drink to avoid the pain mistakes im payin for, threw away days, aint wastin more For my son and daughter ima be the father they deserve Sittin here wit nothin but pressure in sight can't pay the bills so im stressin tonight Sick drop here fam!
|
|
|
|
Manc
Superior Member Joined: 02 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 7032 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 82-4-2 Form: WWWWNW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Holy Moleys donut shop!!! This was more dope than the contents of Howard Marks lungs!!
Raaaaaaawww emotion - shit got me thinking yano. I'm truly inspired Stal. You hit nerves so easily with these real life verses. Flow's on point, multis-a-plenty, wording was bang on. A lotta man can relate to this, which gives it that extra edge over some made up nonsensical shit ya see on ere from time to time. Very we'll written, and effortlessly put together. Loved it!!! |
|
-Orion-
Veteran Joined: 08 April 2004 Location: DisturbinLondon Status: Offline Points: 9598 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #1 Stats: 90-4-1 Form: WWWWNW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
It was good...real good... I loved the part where you mentioned your father and wife right after one another... if I was being picky, I would have loved a couple more bars on them, and more specific reference to the actual demons, and a couple less on bills and the kids, which I think you mentioned enough anyway, and the story would have felt a bit more fully explained that way...or you could have kept those two verses as they are and just added a third to round it out a little more...but I think the length was right... Anyway, it was hot, you knOw this
|
|
They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
|
J504
Banned Joined: 08 June 2010 Status: Offline Points: 5385 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-0-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(1)
|
Another Stalin classic right here. It's the type of shit dudes can relate to whether you are a father or you have a father, even a grandfather, most people know about the pressures of demons when it comes to being a man.
I enjoyed the raw emotion you put into it, that's what makes it stand out for me. |
|
CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(1)
|
You already know. 5 stars
We're off that multi shit, you can be the king of realness now instead of multi-ing in your sleep You can do what Plies did...go to sleep real and wake up realer, lol |
|
|
|
Stalin
Site Moderator Joined: 24 November 2003 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2587 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 34-12-2 Form: LNWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Thanks yall.. uppin. I'm a try to get yall back wit feed
|
|
Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
W'sup Stalin, solid verse. Flow held up throughout, terrific emotion, engaging read, only thing I could recommend is a bit more substance. This verse with a few more metas, maybe a few lines wit some alliteration woulda taken this from an 8.5 to a 9.5 to me. Not to take away from the piece, with nothing bad to point out all I can offer is my personal opinion on what would make a great thing even better, hope to see stick around with a drop every now and again.
|
|
|
|
JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3757 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Stalin coming up on this site i always followed your battles and your OM's and tried to grow and get advice from you where ever i could.. that said you are an experienced writer with raw talent and mixed with the emotion in the piece i felt this is easily a top 5 drop I've personally read of yours.
FACIN EVIL NOW COMMIT TO CHANGING THINGS AROUND…. that was where i think this just hit it for me… nice shit man! PS Welcome back...
|
|
|
|
Stalin
Site Moderator Joined: 24 November 2003 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2587 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 34-12-2 Form: LNWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Thanks everyone for the feed.. i truly appreciate it.
And J Brenn thanks for that.. anything you need.. advice help whatever just pm me. I've always had respect for you bro |
|
-Que-
Standard Member Joined: 22 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 2745 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 13-4-1 Form: WWWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
What can I say......you back with a vengeance......Hats off to you bro!!
Loved it!!
|
|
|
|
spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3163 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
So easy to relate to this as is often the case with you Stal; Love it how you champion the common man, there's a great message here Sittin here wit nothin but pressure in sight |
|
|
|
Freeda5thDawg
Standard Member Joined: 19 June 2006 Status: Offline Points: 1324 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Very great piece. Very strong lines...I don't think anyone could not have felt the emotion and meaning behind the verses. Very effective and efficient writing here even at a more simpler form than the more complex of things...and it still being powerful says something about you as a great writer. Awesome job, Stal. Happy to see new work from you.
|
|
|
|
Rameez
Superior Member Joined: 31 July 2007 Location: Brampton, CDN Status: Offline Points: 3922 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 22-40-4 Form: NWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
pretty sick stuff Mr. Stalin. like others said... alot of men can relate to this.. You kept it really simple yet effective in meaning.. That's the stuff I can usually understand lol. I like the way you express your emotion in step of dad who's going through hard time in life.. Sometime people verses becomes really dope when they put there thoughts from personal life experience (and I noticed that alot)
|
|
|
|
Stalin
Site Moderator Joined: 24 November 2003 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 2587 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 34-12-2 Form: LNWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Thanks for the feed.. This shot means a lot to me.. I'll try to get back at everybody that gives me feed buts it's hard right now..
|
|
Post Reply | |
Tweet
|
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|