Open Mic: Beans presents:LA cypher3 (chain,tre,bren,nig)

Just like Barrybondz, if you can't take feedback then you won't be allowed to receive any. People attacking other people for giving honest feedback will no longer be tolerated, we're no longer supporting the mass dickriding of the forum. Next time threads will be closed. (consider yourself lucky, barry got insta-locked)

 

No need to be passive aggressive. I am giving honest feedback and none of it went "over" my head. It was not written well. Now as far as my pieces, you wouldn't be able to even grasp how I write them. I write them to be "rapped" not read. I also don't see why you nor anyone would get defensive over what I wrote. I could have approach my feedback as a way to give you all the great stuff that you guys did. Instead, I gave feedback on stuff that should be worked on. I gave props where it was due. Just because you have been here for a few strokes longer then I have doesn't discount my opinions on these verses. I don't know if you want me to kiss your ass or if you want me to bow down to your bullshit. You need to step your game up because since I have been here your still at the same boring/bland level of writing. I give honest feedback and I have assholes like you that want to discredit it. Sorry pal but you cant sit here and literally expect anyone to give this collab a 4-5 star. Its not. Brenns drop wasn't over my head. I shouldn't have to question what im trying to spit. If I have to, there is a problem with the verse/line/bar. Sorry if you cant take criticism.

 

Brenn - I have seen you do better and I already told you that. Internals and multies without content isn't gonna cut it with me

 

 

I am having trouble with recognizing why certain words are placed the way you have them.

 

Feverishly he peaked early, the sleepish geek..

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I added a comma to bring more sense to this

line. Without it, it doesn't doesn't make sense.

I know it sounds stupid but we are trained at

a young age to read things a certain way. So

you missing that comma made me fumble right

over this line. The comma gives a small pause

that drastically changes this. With that comma

I am not able to tell that your pointing out

characteristics of "you"

 

Either he's freaked or he sheepish to speak...

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This is hard to grasp. When you read this like

you spitting it, it isn't easy to comprehend.

From what it looks like your talking about

Sporadic behavior or some mild form of

bipolar disorder. This was terrible here, it

was hard to grasp while spitting it.

 

Neither he's geeked, B's Bad meanest to teach...

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I understand this but it seems to have been placed

randomly. Your first bar should some what transfer

over. The world bad threw off the flow for me and

it seems to be filler.

 

Mouth breathers impede the cleanest of speech...

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This line should have been a transitioning from

the previous line. Also, your wording wasn't placed

right. I also don't get this line. Its a little weird. Mouth?

I get it but it seems to be filler and makes me think,

don't most people have mouth they breathe from?

Im getting technical because when I spit it and there

is these instances where I have to think about what

im spitting because its not making sense, it throws

the flow off dramatically

 

The fiercest to breech the sites weirdest emcees...

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This was nice, I liked the way you placed your words

and I didn't have a small pause to think about what

you wrote.

 

Speared spirits mirrors tiers best mean nothing to me...

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These words here seem to be randomly placed. I read it

fine but again, I had to think of what the hell I was spitting.

It doesn't make sense at all to me.

 

Vets fear B steer clear I'm armstrong stretch with the reach...
Lets hear jeers tears flow like liquor when deaths in the street...

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This wasn't bad. I see what your saying. Vets are scared of you.

This was ok brothaman.

 

Now he's like meeting Meth blessed by a deaf psychotic priest...
Iconic feasts test his chest breath filled with microscopic beasts...
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First line made sense. Closing line didn't make much sense. I see

where you were going but it fell short.

 

Try spitting this instead of reading it. Its completely different and

the main point of writing OM's is to have them spitted. This was

easy to spit because of the inconsistency's. I have seen better

from you honestly.