Open Mic: Sion. The Master. The Priory. |
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NepentheZ
Superior Member ... { 26 } ... Joined: 11 October 2004 Location: Yea..Cake. Man Status: Offline Points: 7727 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-32-1 Form: WWLWLW |
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Posted: 20 October 2005 at 3:09pm |
Sion .. The Province We Have No Hope We Have No Dreams The Master Sion, your sent from heaven by the deaths of sempteber 11 Sion Master i accept my duties, and i will show no mercy to achieve The Master your doubt amazes me, for there was a purpose you're choosen Sion Master i think i know this man your searching for, maybe im wrong |
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I'm so fucking intelligent, half the time I don't even know what I'm saying... |
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BRIGGZY
Standard Member Joined: 16 July 2004 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 1617 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-2-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Damn this was Sick man one the best pieces i seen from u. Nice peice man Sion, your sent from heaven by the deaths of sempteber 11 re-pay the favour on my piece lol
-1- |
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..Gingerfication Album - coming 2011..
www.facebook.com/briggzyuk |
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King Jehu
Veteran Joined: 23 January 2004 Status: Offline Points: 6088 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #4 Stats: 54-18-1 Form: WLWWWL |
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that's some other level shit. I've wanted to write some shit like this,
like god's choosing of Jehu to kill the king and take his place. well
done, would be nice if it was longer tho. like explained more, but
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Insert something rappy here
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GhettoMike
Standard Member Joined: 07 July 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 142 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
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oh.. so YOUR sion.. u bastard...
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Fatal
Superior Member ...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
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nice spit man. u shoulda made it alil longer tho. feelin it.
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NepentheZ
Superior Member ... { 26 } ... Joined: 11 October 2004 Location: Yea..Cake. Man Status: Offline Points: 7727 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-32-1 Form: WWLWLW |
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Thanx For The Feed!!! ..and yo G Mike ... i thought u new!! .. im sure Echo Told you about ABYSS!!!
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I'm so fucking intelligent, half the time I don't even know what I'm saying... |
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GhettoMike
Standard Member Joined: 07 July 2005 Location: United States Status: Offline Points: 142 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
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well i know about some of it.. but i think its bullshit.. :P |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12329 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Dope idea...liked the way you did this, I agree with Jehu that the storyline could well have been extended cause the whole idea behind "finding yourself" is a dope one...but a little piece of advice, jus because you have an idea doesnt mean it has to be directly stated, uno wah i mean, you kinda wrote like "this is the end, i will work to the end", a phrase that i wud use the verse was a 'means to an end', maybe if i was bein harsher I'd label it "filler", I liked the verse, the flow was there but it kind of seemed like it was there for no real purpose but to take you to the end...sometimes the journey itself is more important than the end and you probably cudda make this better by movin about and bein more clever with it...coz the conversation format made it kind of flat to me as well...Also something that I've noticed about your flow, its good, its almost always there (a few little bumps now and again but everyone has those) but its kind of laid back ALL the time, which kind of makes it so things dont get emphasised...like in our battle (ino u rushed it, im jus usin it as an example) its like you had the ideas about the punches but you didnt really have the feel of an ATTACK if you know wah i mean...i jus quoted a line in the new guys spit that I said wasnt awesome but the way he worded it made it stand out, i think you lack a bit of that, like you have nice ideas and you have a smooth bubble around it but you lack a bit of cuttin edge (not in terms of structure, which is where MOST people lack that edge) yours is like in your mood or tone, i think maybe you think about writin as "puttin ideas on paper" where I'd say to you try and think about it being a script for you to act out, ok the lines are there now get more FEEL into them, yanahwahimsayin?
peace |
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