Open Mic: Angel

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Lil J View Drop Down
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    Posted: 26 August 2014 at 9:18pm
Nice job 
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-Orion- View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote -Orion- Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 December 2013 at 9:00pm
Ha...wOw

Well if my choices as an active user on LA right now are between the letter/confessions/whatever thread is the latest continuation of the same story and this... I'll take this

I honestly have not read this back once since I wrote the last word...till just now

I don't tend to enjoy it in that way...I don't know why

It was based on a real girl...(the story itself is complete fiction)

And Ikon ('lol' at me responding to a question asked almost eight years ago), the sequel was always a possibility...I had a fairly specific framework in mind and funnily enough, it did come back to me a couple of weeks back...now though I'm not sure what form it'll take, and not yet positive I'll do it...but it's looking likely . . .

Thanks tho to everyone for the comments

Ha...I'll be damned

Think this is basically the third or second last thing I wrote before semi-retirement
. . . Now who said they fuckin' with me?
They just said that FUCKIN' with me
They didn't mean it
Nah . . .
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote ghostdog23 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 December 2013 at 8:20pm
Yo dat shit is deep brahThumbs Up
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote DressToKill Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 February 2009 at 3:52pm
This was ridiculous man..the flow was dead on and the story telling was just deadly. The topic opened up well and kept me intrested through the whole thing and the ending was just a sick twists..crazy dude nice peice of writing
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 February 2009 at 3:26pm
This is ridiculous
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Stalin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 March 2006 at 2:36pm
cant say nothin bad about this really, except some of the rhymes werent right to me but maybe thats an accent thing..other than a couple, the rhymes was flawless.  Flow was perfect, especially for a story like this.  u stuck to the story perfectly.  The imagery in this shit was above almost everything else ive seen(equal wit a couple of J's and that Christ piece by BSD).  like I think Game said, u dont even notice how long it is cuz u get caught up in it..thats talent.  You used nice vocab in this too which was dope. like J said shit is inspirin for real, shits on another level too.  Yo me u and j gonna collab on some shit soon
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 February 2006 at 8:30pm

same thing sprung into my head when he said that

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote King Jehu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 February 2006 at 5:55pm
literally
Insert something rappy here
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote ILLSTARRR Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 February 2006 at 5:54pm

Ooowee...


U should start writing films or sum shit nigga

Shits defo a classic.. Infact imma put this an jehu's piece in thur now

 

Love the story got confusin at times like thur was too many heads invovled other than that kept me goin all the way thru.. an ending was a killer



Edited by ILLA










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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote King Jehu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 February 2006 at 3:53pm
Damn Damn... somebody put this in the Jehu/Orion Classic page please...

Yo, O, I'm proud of you for this one. This was on some whole 'nother level shit. Inspiring.
Insert something rappy here
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Fatal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 February 2006 at 9:06pm
Whuts left 2 say when erybody said it? Defo good drop O, but i wouldnt expect less from u lol. Tight story, tha whole nine dawg defo feelin it man. Yessir!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 February 2006 at 4:26pm
We had the MSN discussion, actually prefer discussin with you over MSN than simply droppin a comment, so yeah...just lettin it be known that this is obviously a classic and thereby the classics folder shud be updated and shizzle

peace
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote -Orion- Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 February 2006 at 2:54pm

Yeah...thanks for the feed... And Kay B, Nep is right, lmao... I been hearin' that a lot since I put this up tho (on UL it's got a Bible's worth of feedback)... I even thought this would make a good book... and I've got a cousin who's an aspirin' film maker who writes screenplays... haha, we'll see, word

. . . Now who said they fuckin' with me?
They just said that FUCKIN' with me
They didn't mean it
Nah . . .
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Demonic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 February 2006 at 1:46pm
"Ok first of all the closest Immortal Tech song it comes closest to is you never know"


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote frank white Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 February 2006 at 9:22am
Ok first of all the closest Immortal Tech song it comes closest to is you never know. It was a gripping story you build the characters up well you could feel the deilemas of them all. Bring up the image that the sword is indeed mightier then the pen dont know if you ment that. Flowed well but the story was more important. Also was there ment to be religious immagry 9in there cuz i kinda got a christ dying for others feel from it anyway really enjoyed reading it.
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bad boy 4 life biggie smalls was the illest
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote NepentheZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 February 2006 at 9:09am

Originally posted by Kay B Kay B wrote:

P.s...get ya ass off this board n make the money ya talent wants lol

dont even bother mentionin that to him ... it's not worth the effort.







I'm so fucking intelligent, half the time I don't even know what I'm saying...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Kay B Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 February 2006 at 6:25pm
Dope shit man, was a great story. Usually verses that long will have me bored halfway through and ill just pretend iv read the rest but this one just kept me reading on cause i wanted to know what happends next, some nice twists in the story very imaginetive and like ryder said it reminded me of 'dance with the devil' shit. It's hard to story tell without dragging it on and boring the reader but you dont the complete opposite man shows real talent, was a real nice ending....shit the whole peice was nice not much bad i can say about it really...dope drop man keep em cummin....

P.s...get ya ass off this board n make the money ya talent wants lol
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote NepentheZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 February 2006 at 10:13am

yea tight endin' for sure, great story to follow all the way thru.... kinda expected the Tom kills Aisha twist, but still tho' .... probably the best piece i read in a while. Great plot for a story, and ya pulled it off real well.

Dope Shit.







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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote I-kontinue Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 February 2006 at 4:39am
*sneezes* This was sick.
lmfao @ tha dope ending yo. flow was fuckin right for a plot. I know how hard that shit is to do too while tellin a story cuz i was tryin it in school one day. Real interestin. Yeah, it's a long piece but went real smooth so that once i got into it i forgot bout the length till I was done. I undertood it the whole way through which alone deserves props when puttin a story in rhyme. Yo, this mustve taken a while to write. Props on errything. So is there a part2 or wut? i dunno how a part2 would be possible if all the characters are dead, but just maybe ya somehow have an idea in mind...

anyways, i'd def. say this is a classick tho... a def. classick

1
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Ryder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 February 2006 at 3:14am

Shit man...that was sick! on some immortal technique"dance with the devil shit" this was nice...every line kept with the story and the rhymes are good...the flow just kept on going...this was mad long but it impressed me...and the twist at the end was brilliant. big ups to ya O. its really good!...

 

http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=79 84&PN=1&TPN=1

Ryder...1

$orry Mom

I broke your heart to please my friendz

$orry Dad

For the same love of money i fell in love with crime
2$6
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