Open Mic: LA's Word Drop Week 2 (Nep)

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NepentheZ View Drop Down
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    Posted: 06 June 2011 at 2:42pm

I'm using telekinesis to deaden ya' species
an manipulate thoughts of that abysmal head that you speak with
logorrhea aint ever been needed, no one better than me kids
I'll pluck a bar from obscurity, but sill flow with that heavenly deepness
gratify the demands for my benevolent weakness
but emasculated every man for the ramifications of your devilish speeches
you'll never be me, its, gallantry that'll leave you dead in the streets
truncated, because when I'm off the top, I leave my brethren weeping



Edited by NepentheZ - 06 June 2011 at 2:42pm






I'm so fucking intelligent, half the time I don't even know what I'm saying...
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Manc View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Manc Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 June 2011 at 2:48pm
Dunno what made ya think THIS is "shit compared to others". It was sick!

Flow coulda been better but I'm not even gonna mark ya down for that.
You did it in 8 lines ..... used the same multi structure right the way through ..... and it made perfect sense.
Loved the play in the closer too lol.

This has gotta be a 10/10 from me. Good stuff 
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J504 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote J504 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 June 2011 at 3:27pm

You call this rusty? Kid, you ain't missed a step - This was hella nice right here! To me, the only thing that stops this just short of perfection is that if some of the lines were slightly adjusted, it would flow a bit better. 9.5/10

nice to see you still got it.
 
respect.
 

 

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spume corrupt View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote spume corrupt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 June 2011 at 4:08pm
Yeah agree was V nice
Thought the rhyming could have been a bit tighter though
It's a 9/10 from me
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CHAIN View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 June 2011 at 4:08pm
geeez, havent seen u rhyme like that in a long time    9.5/10 


+Sick-Witted+
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote rapdisup Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 June 2011 at 7:30pm
dope shit neppo nice ima give yu a 9.5 for this wuda been a 10 cos of line count etc an use of words but the flow was kinda off in places but seriously the rhyme in there was dope an thats why this game good cos it makes ya feel like steppin the game up dope

9.5/10
The Dr said it can't be beaten,I replied it 'can-sir'!

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 June 2011 at 11:23pm
Originally posted by NepentheZ NepentheZ wrote:


I'll pluck a bar from obscurity, but sill flow with that heavenly deepness


Nice! 9/10


Edited by Cuba - 06 June 2011 at 11:24pm
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote U.N.L.M. Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 June 2011 at 2:18am
love the truncated line and the rhymes were on point...9.5/10
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote -Que- Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 June 2011 at 7:49am
LOL!! Nice to see ya back Ole' Nep......an easy 9.5....nearly flawless.
an manipulate thoughts of that abysmal head that you speak with
^^ LOL!! Nice line bro

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote stuckinthepost Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 June 2011 at 8:21pm
I really like the way that as well as using the words needed, cats are dropping in extra vocab on this challenge thing. It flowed really well Nep, and had good content. I'm gonna give it a 9, but only 'cos it didn't make me go 'wow' whereas others have a bit more. Nonetheless, was still an awesome drop.
you come at the king, you best not miss.
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NepentheZ View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote NepentheZ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 June 2011 at 9:53pm
Cheers for the feedback guys. Literally didn't think this was all that. First thing I've written in about a year, I would guess. Makes me want to write more. Props.






I'm so fucking intelligent, half the time I don't even know what I'm saying...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote $n00z Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 June 2011 at 3:48am
Wink 9/10
U already know...
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