Open Mic: Skeleton Ki |
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Point Blank
Superior Member Joined: 20 May 2005 Status: Offline Points: 7234 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 92-27-5 Form: WWNWWN |
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Posted: 17 July 2013 at 6:42pm |
Just gonna rip Ki with a quick Key...
You don't wanna swap lyrics with me if you're in it for beef I'll leave you hanging by a thread off of the skin of your teeth It's easy to see that no one's weaker than Ki This actor 'can't remember his lines'? That's funny, cos neither can we!! Drops nice pics with his verses but still wack as an artist This Dr.Who fan couldn't be 'out of this world' if he was trapped in the tardis So stop frontin like you're hard cos mass destructions on the cards I'ma leave you chopped up ... ...just like the structure of your bars My punches leaving scars as I wreck him with ease You know the 'joints' I drop are tougher than an elephants knees So why you steppin to me? Have some respect for PB Or you'll be going fucking nowhere when I break your skeleton Ki Nothing on your CV but tons of foolish credentials Just lookin at that uni you went to would prove that you're mental And I'ma steal that girl you like cos I'm one hell of a charmer How the fuck you gon 'attract her (a tractor)' when you dress like a farmer You say I'm 'tired'? Yea I am, of the same old shit... I'm sick of reading your tame punches everyday son cos they don't hit You've been here long enough to know that you're wack kid Totally hopeless at battlin' and thinks he's dope cos he's active He's a joke and a faggot, we know this lyricist lacks threat He couldn't be involved in a 'killer play' if he auditioned for Hamlet!
Nothing flows in his verses, his persona is worthless So I'll leave Spirez crashing and burning like explosions in churches... Edited by Point Blank - 17 July 2013 at 6:56pm |
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spume corrupt
Superior Member Joined: 27 April 2011 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 3162 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-1 Form: WLWLLL |
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Ha ha lmfao
Yo done up a nice one here point Dress like a farmer...got im Hamlet was word perfect Well this exchange of shots is entertaining if nothing else |
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The_Guy
Standard Member Joined: 18 May 2013 Status: Offline Points: 1014 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 16-12-0 Form: WLWWLL |
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Nice drop pb... had a Good flow and there some Good punches and shots thrown here...decent response to ki...nice choice for the title as well
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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Great flow and some really nice punches. I liked the skeleton key line. That was crack. Very consistant and read smoothly throughout. I have been enjoying these open mic drops going back and forth between you guys.
I do have one bad critique to this drop, I know you said it was a key anyways so prolly why you didn't catch it but the attract her wordplay was kinda forced. The wordplay itself read smoothly but as a whole it doesn't make grammatical sense IMO. "How the fuck you gon attract her when you dress like a farmer" "How the fuck you gon a tractor when you dress like a farmer" ^^ reading it that way doesn't really make sense to me.. what's it mean when you "gon a tractor" Either way besides that little input, the drop was dope. Structure of his bars line was nice also.
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-Orion-
Veteran Joined: 08 April 2004 Location: DisturbinLondon Status: Offline Points: 9598 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #1 Stats: 90-4-1 Form: WWWWNW |
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Damn...bOss
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They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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That was ballin'
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Trizzy Tre
Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW |
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Bawse!!! (Rick Ross voice)
Oh fuck...lol harsh shit FAM. The opening bars were sick |
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fuckoff
Newbie Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL |
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flow/delivery was sick
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Point Blank
Superior Member Joined: 20 May 2005 Status: Offline Points: 7234 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 92-27-5 Form: WWNWWN |
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Thanks for the comments man, good to get some criticism now and then aha. Yea when I was first writing it I just left it as attract her but when I read over it again I realised it sounded like a tractor which linked to the farmer play and I couldn't really be assed implementing it properly so just left it as I did aha. Cheers for the feed everyone |
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Kiki Spirez
Superior Member Joined: 30 December 2008 Location: Chesterfield Status: Offline Points: 4374 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 68-26-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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I liked this man, very direct, and the flow complemented a lot of the lines very well.
Laughed at the tractor play and the 'remember his lines' bit, funny that in my whole time here, no one's made that reference haha Good response bro, been on my phone all day, but had a 40 min train journey to jot down a couple of bars, so I got you.
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
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What's up PB, I thought this was an enjoyable piece broseph. My intelligence quotient hypothesizes that this wasn't exactly a legitimate keystyle, more so a quick write of concepts you had brainstormed. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. I enjoy how strict you are with your multi rhymes, gives it a smooth touch that some rappers around here are slack on. I enjoyed how you approached this diss from several angles with metas/similes, and a variety of other literary devices. One thing I disliked throughout the verse was how blatantly you spelled out the wordplays. To me that came across like a crossword puzzle with the answers lightly stenciled, completely takes the fun out of reading for wordplay with it's made so obvious. It's as though you're catering to morons and I feel that people should have to work to comprehend the dopest parts of the verse. That was the only theme I disliked throughout the verse, now I'll break down so quotes that I felt deserved a comment/critique. Felt the 'fucking' was out of place. I know you were trying to keep the syllables balanced but I feel adding profanity that adds little to the line is almost lazy and could definitely be ironed out. I realize that this was a (semi) keystyle but best not to create bad habits for yourself. "How the fuck you gon 'attract her (a tractor)' when you dress like a farmer" Although, as addressed by Law, this only made sense in one context, I feel the worded was dope enough for it to stand alone. It would obviously have a tremendously increased wow-effect if it were to have two segregated meanings but I don't have a problem with it how it was. Read more as a line alluding to a tractor in relation to dressing like a farmer then it did as an intentional double entendre. He couldn't be involved in a 'killer play' if he auditioned for Hamlet! Alongside the tractor line, the elephant joint line, and whatever other ones I'm forgetting, these are examples of lines I feel would come across as being more memorable if the wordplay was was in quotes. You word things well enough that the reader should be able to figure it out, and when you allow someone to figure it out on their own it will be much more memorable to them. Last thing I'll mention, I really enjoy how you stray away from played rhymes schemes and use unique multies. Solid piece broseph, take care.
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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I think it's partly to do with the emphasis you place on the phrase in a punchline though, I get what you're saying from traditionalist perspective and really I agree with you...but I guess he's imagining rapping it saying KILLER PLAY so putting something to emphasise it punctually is fair enough...
Quality feedback though, Nigs is in the place |
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
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That's the difference between audio and text IMO, and it all boils down to personal preference. Knew I was forgetting something, "Nothing flows in his verses, his" I really liked some of the little things you were doin too, you don't always always need multis, sometimes small assonant repetition does the trick nicely. |
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Point Blank
Superior Member Joined: 20 May 2005 Status: Offline Points: 7234 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 92-27-5 Form: WWNWWN |
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Yea Nigma is clued up for sure, I respect your opinions. Cuba hit the nail on the head really, it's merely for emphasis and delivery, although I completely agree that it's not needed since this ain't audio. Nobodies ever really picked up on it being an issue but if that's the case then I'll stop doing it.
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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Point is the truth
Keekz you cant fuck with him lol I actually liked the tractor line. |
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