Open Mic: Lol'ing @ you,God. |
Post Reply |
Author |
Rating: Topic Search Topic Options
|
Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: π₯ Hell π₯ Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Posted: 07 April 2014 at 11:57pm |
I hate to say tho facts remains your existence is crap, Tag it blasphemous if asking for the justice is that, You claim you're supreme so why so pissed on my acts? Wtf you on? It looks like you're addicted to crack, You got us captured in the trap so you could taunt on our deeds, Its just you laugh and smoke trees while watching us bleed, I refused to believe im self destructive like fiends, But now ya jumping in my sleeps,seriously?haunting my dreams?Β How the fuck can i be wrong, quit with these lame logics,please! After all she's done to me, I just shot bitch in her knee, And sorry for these^^ im sure you can pardon my tongue, But im still lol'ing at your so called powers and such..!! Fuck!!Β |
|
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
|
|
Elite
Superior Member Joined: 16 February 2014 Location: US Status: Offline Points: 3340 Crew: eNtiTy Audio Rank: #4 Stats: 5-0-0 Form: WWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
This is a decent piece.
First: I'm not sure who this is really aimed at other than God himself, because idk if your an atheist or not so it still has me thinking. Second: Flow was pretty good, fell off at some parts but that's most likely my reading. You had the multies on the right track, still something i'm still trying to equip to my work, but then they dissapeared and came back at different parts, idk whether to say thats a good or bad thing. Third: I felt as if this rhyme were quite weak. That line about crack. Idk what it is but I just can't fuck with it. Also, I felt that it should have been longer. You're a skilled lyricist, I want to see what someone like you has to say for a while, because sometimes you can't get your talent/point fully across with such a short verse. And believe me i do this too, im trying to restrict myself from it and produce long verses to keep the reader interested in what i have to say. Overall: I'll give you a 4 because it is a quality piece, i just feel that the crack line was weak and the piece was short. Good job, Titu, keep up.
|
|
Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: π₯ Hell π₯ Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Appreciate it, fella. Glad you took the time and read it.
As for the rhymings, i could add so many multies but i had the feeling that it wont stay natural. I key'ed this up just to get the message across. That's why i kept it short cuz i didnt want to force it. I kept writing with my thoughts. And stopped when i felt like. But thanks for checking it out,bro. |
|
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
|
|
Elite
Superior Member Joined: 16 February 2014 Location: US Status: Offline Points: 3340 Crew: eNtiTy Audio Rank: #4 Stats: 5-0-0 Form: WWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
No problem man. I am the same way too, i like to keep my work mostly serious, and i want to get my point across with it too, so using multies for me is just more complicated and time consuming rather than just giving the reader a real piece of whats on my mind instead of sugarcoating it.
But nonetheless, your welcome for the feed
|
|
Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: π₯ Hell π₯ Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Thats true,my friend. I respect your opponion.infact, you raised a good point.
But sometimes, you just need a reason/someone to put all the blames on. Im not an atheist tho, neither im a strong beleiver, but i would prefer not to get my soul swallowed by the scriptures and shit. |
|
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
|
|
Elite
Superior Member Joined: 16 February 2014 Location: US Status: Offline Points: 3340 Crew: eNtiTy Audio Rank: #4 Stats: 5-0-0 Form: WWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Some true shit right above my comment^
|
|
Kronos
Newbie Joined: 05 April 2014 Status: Offline Points: 38 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-0 Form: L |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Hey, this came off like you were venting. Isn't this what we are suppose to do as writers? Titu, this was a good drop. You used your lines to express what you have been feeling as of late. Somebody might be offended if they're really religious.
|
|
Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: π₯ Hell π₯ Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Appreciate it,kron. Yeh, i was trying to vent it out.
Heard about you a while back... Glad to see ya finally here. Welcome to the site. |
|
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
|
|
nomedic
Standard Member Joined: 11 January 2014 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 1578 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 35-25-0 Form: WWLLWL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Yo this wasnt really your best man its like
Youre getting props cause of status not effort I've seen your shit and this is the weakest from the list I really didnt like its length the flow was decent the theme Wasnt shown to its full capacity bro no hate but i feel Like you were lazy here dont mean to sound like a Hater just being honest, Gods a major concept and i expected More man |
|
JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3754 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Nice drop titu!!! Could have had more written and I would have read more this caught my attention. However I understand it was a form of venting so the freestyle aspect was all over this and it really worked here! Good drop brother!
|
|
|
|
Excel
Banned Joined: 02 April 2014 Status: Offline Points: 64 |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
This is so true and a nice drop, it made me think about God for real and i completely agree, not sure if he is there or not. It is a very controversial piece haha hope no catholics decide to argue
|
|
Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: π₯ Hell π₯ Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Thanks brenn. Always appreciate yo feed,bro. Β Excel- glad ya liked it. And i would love to have that "argument" lol Nomed- first of all, thanks for the time to read it. I repect yo oppinion.Β If ya think that my status is helping me get props, i would take it as a compliment. Haha But this piece wasnt directed @ God directly...this is a wide subject and it couldn't be packed in such a short piece. It was actually about those so called "regretting dreams" that "he" is projecting on me due to the incident i described in my 10th line. And it wasnt a topical peice. I Β Kinda key'ed it just to vent that shit out. I stopped it when i felt i should. But good one for the feed.. |
|
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
|
|
nomedic
Standard Member Joined: 11 January 2014 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 1578 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 35-25-0 Form: WWLLWL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
No disrespect and i expected the maturity thanks you did'nt take it personal
Theres time and god in my scope time binds every incident that Happens god makes it possible i thought you'd share more You could make a volume two |
|
Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: π₯ Hell π₯ Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
No doubt.... Suggestion Noted. :)
|
|
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
|
|
Excel
Banned Joined: 02 April 2014 Status: Offline Points: 64 |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
The fucked up thing is i am a catholic, but over the past year i have come to realize i dont really believe in God anymore
|
|
Brotha Goose
Standard Member Joined: 07 July 2013 Location: San Diego, CA Status: Offline Points: 2318 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 10-10-0 Form: LWLWLL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
I like the concept T and I can really appreciate where yur come'n from and the
Fact that this verse is a direct reflection of yur raw, un-shielded emotions. The writing here is gud, don't get me wrong, just far too short IMO. Id be real interested to see you take this and use it as a "jump-off" point for A longer, more in-depth verse fam. Stay up, ya know u my dude T! Lol |
|
|
|
Titu
Superior Member Joined: 04 July 2013 Location: π₯ Hell π₯ Status: Offline Points: 4522 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-19-0 Form: WWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Haha my dude..
Thanks for feeding and taking the time to read it. Definetely, im planin' to write a long ass piece on the subject. But really appreciate yo words... Thanks to yall for reading it and leaving feed. Ill be hitting all of yo OMs tonight |
|
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.
|
|
Kiki Spirez
Superior Member Joined: 30 December 2008 Location: Chesterfield Status: Offline Points: 4374 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 68-26-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
|
Nice little key.
Laughed at the pure bluntness of the first line, liked it. Obviously this was rough in its flow and structure, but it was very natural, which a key should be. Props.
|
|
Post Reply | |
Tweet
|
Forum Jump | Forum Permissions You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|