Open Mic: Delusions of grandeur |
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 24 November 2014 at 7:11pm |
Sounding mission out like phonics.....
Ya always lose, ya shits more watered down than homeopathic remedies So say nothing raw, ya punchlines suck, so tactics "beat'em with melodies" Stop all these wack drops, ya quantity over quality saturating L.A's economy Empires got a jedi mind, but its HG that "sacrificed" you for the sake of the colony Don't give a fuck about ya self belief, hit ya with the cannon like ya mariah, If ya shit enough to get kicked out of hunger games, its a sign ya need to retire Question Rutters rhyming? Fuck you! is the answer, L.A knows I'm a fucking diamond When Empire put a tech to ya head, you'll lose your mind like Leo in shutter island Tryin to hard to impress we ain't buying int the delusions you try sell You got rejected by empire, I got invited while not even applying my self That dumb shit ya talks not forgotten, arrogance has left ya ego Rotten Think ya crew cold? Empire bring the heat to ya temples like an Eco problem Mish the fucking expo king, no pedigree you just get chewed out Like denta sticks And ya word plays not sick, if in the middle of ya bar you really had to mention it Bring ya whole ten man clique, just a bunch of faggots who share ya drake infatuation I'll dead mans quick lacking penmanship, Miami fans? that straight from ya imagination Fucking amateur, claims "my fans from miami to canada" like its some true shit After we consume ya crew, pick our teeth with ya arms that truly look like tooth pics L.A don't care if there was a big black guy involved when you were abused kid Ya droppin "nigga" left and right in ya work, but not earned the right to use it! Body bagged by a head that does it for a hobby lad. Reality check. |
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#bananas
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daydizzle89
Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Ya always lose, ya shits more watered down than homeopathic remedies So say nothing raw, ya punchlines suck, so tactics "beat'em with melodies" ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ The metas in this are crazy. This was a sick ass opener Stop all these wack drops, ya quantity over quality saturating L.A's economy Empires got a jedi mind, but its HG that "sacrificed" you for the sake of the colony ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wow lol. sick shit Don't give a fuck about ya self belief, hit ya with the cannon like ya mariah, If ya shit enough to get kicked out of hunger games, its a sign ya need to retire ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wordplay was slick Question Rutters rhyming? Fuck you! is the answer, L.A knows I'm a fucking diamond When Empire put a tech to ya head, you'll lose your mind like Leo in shutter island ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Dayum brah, the Shutter island reference was sick Tryin to hard to impress we ain't buying int the delusions you try sell You got rejected by empire, I got invited while not even applying my self ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ lol That dumb shit ya talks not forgotten, arrogance has left ya ego Rotten Think ya crew cold? Empire bring the heat to ya temples like an Eco problem ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Wow brothaman, Mish the fucking expo king, no pedigree you just get chewed out Like denta sticks And ya word plays not sick, if in the middle of ya bar you really had to mention it ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ lol liked the multis and internals in this bar flowed like pam Bring ya whole ten man clique, just a bunch of faggots who share ya drake infatuation I'll dead mans quick lacking penmanship, Miami fans? that straight from ya imagination ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ This was sick Fucking amateur, claims "my fans from miami to canada" like its some true shit After we consume ya crew, pick our teeth with ya arms that truly look like tooth pics ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Damn, this was heat L.A don't care if there was a big black guy involved when you were abused kid Ya droppin "nigga" left and right in ya work, but not earned the right to use it! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ sizzles Yo, the agression in this drop was hot brothaman. The metas used and wordplay were top notch shit. The opener set the vibe quickly. Your multis and internals helped this diss flow well. This was a pretty sick attack man. OUCH Body bagged by a head that does it for a hobby lad. Reality check.
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Thanks dizz appreciate it.
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#bananas
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Mission
Standard Member Joined: 13 September 2014 Location: Madison. MS Status: Offline Points: 2291 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-9-1 Form: LWLLLN |
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Nice job RKB. congratz on getting into empire btw. You threw some nice shots and had hella metaphors in this. A tall order for a comeback but ima put one together. nice job
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Exoduzt
Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
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RKB in all honesty I have over looked your work. I admit I brushed ya off as a noob. That was my mistake. You seem very well rounded and talented as a writer. Your opening 2 bars flowed on point and you had the added creative wordplay. I was very impressed with that. Then the Mariah cannon and retire bar was a nice follow up. A very strong start. Damn man your flow and how to word lines is really impressive. The shutter island lose ya mind concept was a little too common but the flow is what made it standout. That Eco problem line was fucking FIRE. I loved the creativity in that. damn then you had the drake infatuation and brought up the miami shit. Personals my dude. I am impressed man. Good fucking work. hahahaha at your last bar and especially ya closing line. That flow is killer and to me....your a force to be reckoned with...
nice fucking drop rite here
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Cheers mish, appreciate it and good luck....
And Ex thanks, I am still pretty much a noob I'll even admit. But I'm starting to recognise what makes a good bar good now. So I can apply it to my own writing, hopefully I'll keep improving. I penned this over a couple hours, just jotting an idea downand going back to it. I normally take longer, strange how it worked out better this time. |
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#bananas
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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uppin 1st and last time before it disappears.
2nd bar was reference to this intro. Bit obscure. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_wG8VGMY-4 Edited by Rutter knows best - 29 November 2014 at 12:31am |
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#bananas
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IZIAH
Standard Member Joined: 31 August 2012 Location: alberta, Canada Status: Offline Points: 2041 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-3-1 Form: WLLWLN |
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this was a good piece man, liked the flow and scheme on this. keep it up. overall 4 stars.
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~Insight The Inspired~
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Pompus
Groupie Joined: 28 April 2014 Status: Offline Points: 286 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-0-0 Form: W |
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Yo some of the most solid couplets I've seen in awhile, direct and to the point, no real filler, you maintained control and it was evident, word usage, syllable count and word play, really nice piece
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E.V.P.
Standard Member Joined: 05 September 2014 Location: Toronto Status: Offline Points: 535 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 7-4-0 Form: WWLLWL |
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Overall I must say this is well done.
You consistently punched with ferocity, I don't think Mission has any teeth left? haha Would consider doing a OM with you sometime, keep at'r.
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Cheers dude, i enjoyed writing this piece. I don't do too many om's but who knows what the future holds. Peace
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#bananas
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IZIAH
Standard Member Joined: 31 August 2012 Location: alberta, Canada Status: Offline Points: 2041 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-3-1 Form: WLLWLN |
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dope piece dude, keep it up, your flow was tight and overall u did good. i like your rhymes too.
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~Insight The Inspired~
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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Flow and multi's were nice and you had a bunch of decent concepts and nice plays. The one thing i can say that will help you out as far as the factor each of your lines is taken by the reader and how smooth it sounds while reading try to stay away from using too much similies and reword the bars differently.
Your definitely not the only one that does it and many people get caught tin that stink but at least when I am reading it, it begins to sound repetitive and not as strong when all the lines are "like this, like that". Back on to the plus, you came aggressive. I thought from ego rotten/ECO line down was your better half. Had me rolling at the drake and miami bar. Maybe cause I'm always in miami idk. But this is this is def. the stuff i like to see from people. Keep the motivation and continue writing at higher and higher levels. |
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Shankley
Superior Member Joined: 03 September 2013 Location: Leeds, England Status: Offline Points: 3369 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 37-43-1 Form: WNLWWL |
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Nice drop Rutter, you def had some real nice lines in this. Personally I particularly liked the HG/sacraficed line i thought that was clever and the shutter island bar was good as well. Like Law said this is simile heavy which isn't necessarily a bad thing but can get repetitive when read out, try use them spread out so they don't look so overused. But a real solid drop here bro, you are elevating well and growing as a writer which is good to see like Exo when i first saw ya work i just thought "a n00b padding his record with some weak shit" but damn man have you proved me wrong you can swing with some of the best. I'd like to see ya battle some of the "more established" members and really test yaself. Good work man this is why you caught my eye for "The Members" drop keep up the good work.
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Thank for the feed law and shanks. I can identify with the feed back. Always nice to here the positives, but even more important to know what to work on. I'm slowly adding different technical aspects to my writing but i'm kinda flying blind still. Learning from my mistakes more than anything, but thanks again for the input.
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#bananas
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Imm-edi-ate
Groupie Joined: 11 July 2014 Location: United Kingdom Status: Offline Points: 115 |
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dope read man liked the flow throughout your verse the hunger games bar was
nice. Tryin to hard to impress we ain't buying int the delusions you try sell You got rejected by empire, I got invited while not even applying my self the flow was sick in this part looking forward to hearing more of your om's. |
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Appreciate it, enjoyed writin this piece.
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#bananas
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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#bananas
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