Open Mic: 9 Circles of Hell (LA's Inferno) |
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Concrete
Standard Member Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 30 December 2014 at 6:44pm |
Matthew 13:50
"and throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." let's take a journey.. straight into the furnace.. feel the inferno.. where the fiery lake is eternal.. they burn slow.. these men with crooked eyes.. never to be found.. in the Book of Life Stuck in constant Limbo - The Darkened Shadow of nomedic I grew tired of you liars that conspire in church, So i admired the earth not the messiah you serve, I was Misguided by serpents who are grouped with azazel, Me, Euclid and Plato in a roofless volcano, The view is insane though the torture and screams, Souls tied in a chain with only monsters that swing, Below lies iller things beyond the phosphorus springs So their torment built regret I was forced to attain Eternally doomed by Lust - The Tormented Soul of Jbrenn My inferno can burn, the lust in my heart isn't a bed win... Dante would quiver at my lust to bash a noobs head in... Ive said it once and ill say it again cus i aint wrong... These bitches like snap chats give it 5 secs and their gone... I'd slay a slue of these dudes brew in a feud while dismembering crews... This fire I infuse drops noobs emptying pews like priest with pockets full of nudes.. You kinda confused as to which inferno to choose? Have a yearning desire? Ill be Jonny on the spot and put some Cash on this burning ring of fire! Lost in everlasting Gluttony - The Black Phantom of Tamfa It's like a curse, i can't stop feedin' my soul's bleedin' within It gets worse if i aint eaten, now the plate's breedin' with sin opposite to earth, stomach quakes if the plates don't come together I drop loaves when I feast, feed the poor with the crumbs you gather My lumps are fatter, better stop takin' in more than my guts could Eatin' reckless but my weakness will always be some fast food Gettin' heavier, lord 'n saviour won't pull me up to heaven's gates Heard Gluttony's a sin, I guess I'm going to Hell with 777 Stakes Incarcerated by perpetual Greed - The Cursed Presence of DressToKill I took the last crumb that was left amongst the feast I came out with pockets full even hanging amongst's the thief's Learning that the quickest hand leaves with the biggest bounty But my hardest lesson was teaching my family they could live without me I preyed amongst the weak and valued paper over flesh Worked Christmas day and New Year's Eve to escape the smallest debt Even though my family felt all effects of my greed and desires But in the end my money hunger was only feeding the fire Consumed by endless Anger - The Unholy Spirit of Brotha Goose I sit poised, clinching my fists til white, A sick boy, I've always been quick to fight. My minds 5th voice likes to bitch and gripe, About who's throat im gonna slit tonight! Brash I laugh, a quick gash to invoke my wrath, A swift slash and I'm half past your mustache. I slipped fast, I'm almost certain I fell, Passed the path to the fifth circle of hell! Abolished to permanent Heresy - The Damned Specter of Concrete when asked to believe I just laughed at the priest now I'm trapped in disbelief, gnashing my teeth what the hell happened to me? my soul is pissed the love of Jesus knocked on my door supposedly hopelessly, cos I never had the heart to open it focusing on past traditions I was sad to witness they said the Son of God was the path to wisdom lacking vision I declared it a bastards religion got facts twisted n felt the wrath of christians the sacrilegious do time in everlasting prisons damnit, I should have listened.. Confined by relentless Violence - The Guilty Revenant of Ill sCripturez …Squirtin’ blood on my beef franks You in the chow line & I only eat flanks.. ..Of military personnel batten down a ruined beach The air filled with bullets (SCREECH) & a woman's scream This is deaths chamber I saw what I shouldn't see Forced to inhale Eric Garners breath he couldn't breathe Cold as Jewish feet - in the graves, put’em deep The walkin’ nightmare even Freddy couldn't sleep It shouldn't be this easy to murder a missin’ kid But the “hardest” part of bein’ a “pedophile is fittin’ in” The biggest grin I smile is sickenin’ as torture The thin line between genius & insane is thickenin’ with horror The larger these numbers get multiply by 100 quick To see the death toll I'm stomachin’ – You fuckin’ bitch I'll gut’em let the blood run over faces as they suckin’ dick Usin’ human flesh skin chips for my hummus dip Condemned by unforgiving Fraud - The Perishing Embers of Lucky D Fall from graces, in part cart through parliments Holy darkness starks with bars Virgil parts with armaments Judas hearts with Charlatans, sip juice from lips Medusas Valleys peaks below, tha stones hold murders thieves seducers He bore false prophets with hypocricies holdin gold crucifix Floored tha sword of discord snakes bore n grew through it Born through dieases crept through feces hands tied to Schicchi Eyes stoned with tha forked tongue serpents gripped tha needy Scorched by never-ending Treachery - The Depraved Essence of Nigma Four rings of circular dissension into endless pain and torment. Man can be cruel. The aforementioned sinners shall repent for their wrong doings. As such, and to much greater extents shall I. Life is finite, death is endless, you can’t break the science. There are rules in place. Those who break them unite, taken to the lake Cocytus This lake of ice is encased with sprites, a fairly odd procedure Frozen from the top to where the bottom feeders frolic, it’s Amazing, kind of. Tombed in ice, restraining movement. Despite the fights I came to lose, and from the tutelage of devils I’ll rule my own hell, I’ll go insane and on a murder spree Consumed inside a cell within my grave for all eternity Caina, the first ring, is named for Cain and Abel, slayed his kin And Antenora traitors traits arrange to give their nations in The true trends often seen in Ptolemae’s ring is betraying guests I’m taken past it, the makers hands drag me to the center ring, provocative They’ve got me eating toxic feasts, depositing forgotten dreams their ominous but not unseen plotted, evil prophecy unlocked, unleashed theres lots to see when modern meets anomalies, ill rot, diseased. Whats possibly the most awful thing seen since we’ve evolved in breed The great dissension. From deaths perspective I ashamed our species Since I betrayed Jesus, forsaked my lord, the pain is endless I lay froze beneath the surface, curved absurdly to remain forever Revelation 21:8 "But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death." |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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NoMedic: You opened this up pretty well. I know all parts in a collab piece are important to keep interest but your job as the opening writer is to initiate interest. You did a good job in writin' this. Short to the point bars which really delivered.
JBrenn: You hit your topic very well. I liked the snap chat line and how "slay a slue" sounded. Sounds corny but i kept saying it over again bc it had such a nice catchiness to it. The last couple of bars stretched a bit for my likin' but the writin' still was done well. Tamfa: You really shined in your verse. I liked how you kept your flow consistent and hit the nail on the head with stayin' on topic. The technique you used was good, kept the multis flowin' out and it worked extremely well. DressToKill: Great job usin' different aspects of greed. Incorporatin' the holidays made your part of your piece not only relate-able but relevant to date. That was pretty clever. I liked how money was affecting the family. Nice take. Brotha Goose: Short, but on point. Your first couple bars to "slit tonight" was spot fuckin' on my man. That little scheme was so fluid it really made your couple lines stick out. Concrete: Firstly, props on gettin; this together even with the bumps in the road. Your transitions stood out to me. They weren't of the norm but nonetheless they still worked for me. I liked how there were different in the sense of not the traditional ending rhyme but started the next line with that rhyme. If that made any sense. Good stuff here. iLL ScriptureZ: ....I probably had the whackest verse... next... Lucky D: First piece Im readin' from you. Pretty impressed I expected less truthfully. You have a nice vocabulary & understand the basics of writin' a decent verse. I liked your part man, pretty sold work here. Nigma: Fuck you... lol seriously... you are so different in your writin' format that its sickenin; how good it is. I'm happy you are the closer in this piece you really shined. I really cant give you anything more than I have in the passed year from feedin you pieces. |
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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Damn, my bad for fronting on you like that.
I read the message and I was gon get back to you, but what had happened was.... nah, I fucked up and for that I do apologise. Highlights IMHO
Nobody really had the best verse 'cause everybody played their role accordingly. And it looks like Concrete really brought it together nicely. shout out to you, man. And I should've been on this, my bad. |
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Concrete
Standard Member Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Good looks on the feed.
No worries for those who didn't enter, the piece came out quite solid. Props to everyone up in this, special shout out to DTK and nomedic for delivering on short notice. I'll drop some more feed later.
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GiliganDillinger
Groupie Joined: 18 January 2014 Status: Offline Points: 223 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 7-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
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everyone did there thing here. actually enjoyed the whole read honestly. nigma must have a dictionary next to him at all times. same goes for lucky D
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Rutter knows best
Senior Moderator Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Not give lazy feed, but it's 9peeps deep.
I thought everyone came nice. It was a really odd collabo, so many different styles and bunch of heads you wouldn't normally see on the same piece. I thought the vocab on the piece was really impressive and congrats for pulling it together. Always enjoy nigmas work, it's an unrivalled style also nice to see nomadic get a shout on this as he's been doing his thing in the I'm section recently. I'll pedo line was just wrong, but dope at the same time. Props to everyone involved though. |
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#bananas
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nomedic
Standard Member Joined: 11 January 2014 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 1578 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 35-25-0 Form: WWLLWL |
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appreciate the feed back and effort the heads brought here concrete you're a genius for pulling this off bro ima drop some feed later happy new years eve
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nomedic
Standard Member Joined: 11 January 2014 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 1578 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 35-25-0 Form: WWLLWL |
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Yo i already gave props to concrete for organizing a piece like this the concept over all is sick somin as deep as a dante poem i learnt alot from this cause i had no idea what the nine circles are
the quote and the introductions you did before every drop set a dope tone j brenn i liked how you took your approach you didnt take the term lust literally you made it a personal matter and spoke on a different sorta lust thats skill man tamfa i thought the rhymes in your opener were solid and the earth quake/plate play was awesome DTK liked your verse you tackled this like any topical emcee would you had an intra personal approach and some beautiful schemez especially the third bar Bg you were showing your audio qualities the rhymes were nice to read out loud and the graphical content was a real looker beautiful and ugly concrete sweet flow and direct approach always the suitable ingredient for a good verse i liked that also ill i must agree with many here the peadophile line was really tmi shit lol sick man your verse went well with your topic there was alot of gore and disgusting imagery lucky d very intricate stuff man the vocab,imagery,rhymes were all really solid and smooth nig i got that qwel vibe when i read your work that obviously means thats the pinnacle aspect the transitiins were fluvial flow and schemes too great work guys its nice to see variety link so well i applaude the work ethic every individual brought here props |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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thanks NoMed... bumps
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Concrete
Standard Member Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Nomedic - Kicks off the whole damned thing nicely dawg.
As seen in your recent OM drops your style and use of vocab is coming to it's own. You don't try to squeeze in unnecessary rhymes or other fuzz that prevents an easy and natural feel.. I grew tired of you liars that conspire in church, So i admired the earth not the messiah you serve That first bar has a cool ring to it, the following bars consists of suitable depictions of the horrors of hell, like "souls tied in a chain" and other neat stuff. Could perhaps have expanded more upon the circumstances of Limbo, but that's no biggie. Overall you brought an opening verse that grabs the attention of the reader, well done man. JBrenn - Probably with the most unconventional interpretation up in this. The lust in my heart isn't a bed win... Dante would quiver at my lust to bash a noobs head in ..is a fresh opening, second bar is aight as well. Third bar was dope, especially with the fancy slue of these dudes brew in a feud while dismembering crews. Last bar was a nice touch with the Ring of Fire fitting the theme here. Another nice verse added, the collab is looking good thus far.. Tamfa - Apparently don't wanna bring anything less to the table. Basically you nailed the topic at hand. It's like a curse, i can't stop feedin' my soul's bleedin' within It gets worse if i aint eaten, now the plate's breedin' with sin ^^ uncut dope. Second bar is cool with the crumbs you gather\lumbs are fatter transition. Third bar aight and the last bar is a witty take on the subject of Gluttony. Yet another sinister verse was crafted in Sin. DTK - Coming in fresh with a different and sympathic story driven approach to your topic, Greed. Build up and progress of the rather sentimental narrative works here even tho it's a short verse. It's kinda amusing how you turn the topic of GREED to convey a piece about LOSS, good work done. I also like the valued paper over flesh implication given. Brotha Goose - Hell is certainly filled with diversity. You brought it back to straight hardcore spitting. I sit poised, clinching my fists til white, A sick boy, I've always been quick to fight. My minds 5th voice likes to bitch and gripe, About who's throat im gonna slit tonight! ^^ is just fluid rhyming. Follows up with even more finesse ala the quick slash\swift slash\slipped fast sequence. A sweet little verse that flows effortlessly, props. Ill sCripturez - You definately get the horrorcore honor award in this joint. Appropriately macabre writing,not to mention the infamous "fitting in" line. It shouldn't be this easy to murder a missin’ kid But the “hardest” part of bein’ a “pedophile is fittin’ in” The biggest grin I smile is sickenin’ as torture The thin line between genius & insane is thickenin’ with horror ^^ whole section was xtra sick Like BG you have a strong comprehension of embedding rhymes to make the reading\spitting flow easy. Damn, you severly beat up the topic as well. Lucky D - Good to see you wielding the pen again, I'd say you have found a nice balance between poetry and keystyle. Fall from graces, in part cart through parliments Holy darkness starks with bars Virgil parts with armaments Judas hearts with Charlatans, sip juice from lips Medusas Valleys peaks below, tha stones hold murders thieves seducers Someone mentioned a dictionary? I can see that but I don't think your use of use the more advanced jargon is excessive either. Your contribution here is no exception, it's poetic yet very on-point towards the theme - and a great read at that. Nigma - (Un)Holy shiiieet, you went in deep here. You clearly won the illustration of Hell award with this one. Your piece equals the icing of the cake cause it basically has everything, terminology, story, lore, etc all stacked up within clever rhyme schemes. I dug how you took us to school on the subject in the first section. the makers hands drag me to the center ring, provocative They’ve got me eating toxic feasts, depositing forgotten dreams their ominous but not unseen plotted, evil prophecy unlocked, unleashed theres lots to see when modern meets anomalies, ill rot, diseased. Whats possibly the most awful thing seen since we’ve evolved in breed ^^ Slick. The last bar was a worty finisher for both your verse and the rest of the collab. Conclusion: It was kinda hassle to assemble all the needed writers, but it was fucking worth it seeing the end result now. Everyone came in with their unique approach to the subject and god-damned you delivered. I thank yall for the participation, job well done fellas. |
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Nigma
Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision |
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I owe this one some feed, good looks on the breakdowns everyone
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nomedic
Standard Member Joined: 11 January 2014 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 1578 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 35-25-0 Form: WWLLWL |
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good looks bro
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JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3757 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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I missed this but I'm making up for it....
nomedic The view is insane though the torture and screams, Souls tied in a chain with only monsters that swing, ^^^ sick opener to the collab the monster that swings line was my fav Jbrenn Thanks for my feed y'all!!!! Tamfa It's like a curse, i can't stop feedin' my soul's bleedin' within It gets worse if i aint eaten, now the plate's breedin' with sin opposite to earth, stomach quakes if the plates don't come together I drop loaves when I feast, feed the poor with the crumbs you gather My lumps are fatter, better stop takin' in more than my guts could Eatin' reckless but my weakness will always be some fast food Gettin' heavier, lord 'n saviour won't pull me up to heaven's gates Heard Gluttony's a sin, I guess I'm going to Hell with 777 Stakes ^^^ very literal verse and was a nice look all the way through. DressToKill Even though my family felt all effects of my greed and desires But in the end my money hunger was only feeding the fire ^^^^ RAW that line kilt the whole topic!!! Brotha Goose I sit poised, clinching my fists til white, A sick boy, I've always been quick to fight. My minds 5th voice likes to bitch and gripe, About who's throat im gonna slit tonight! Brash I laugh, a quick gash to invoke my wrath, A swift slash and I'm half past your mustache. I slipped fast, I'm almost certain I fell, Passed the path to the fifth circle of hell! ^^ i agree with everyone you kilt this on BG and i loved the whole verse from flow to content!! Concrete when asked to believe I just laughed at the priest now I'm trapped in disbelief, gnashing my teeth what the hell happened to me? my soul is pissed the love of Jesus knocked on my door supposedly hopelessly, cos I never had the heart to open it focusing on past traditions I was sad to witness they said the Son of God was the path to wisdom lacking vision I declared it a bastards religion got facts twisted n felt the wrath of christians the sacrilegious do time in everlasting prisons damnit, I should have listened.. ^^^^^^ another full verse i really liked the story told inside it made this really roll!! Ill sCripturez …Squirtin’ blood on my beef franks You in the chow line & I only eat flanks.. ..Of military personnel batten down a ruined beach The air filled with bullets (SCREECH) & a woman's scream This is deaths chamber I saw what I shouldn't see Forced to inhale Eric Garners breath he couldn't breathe Cold as Jewish feet - in the graves, put’em deep The walkin’ nightmare even Freddy couldn't sleep It shouldn't be this easy to murder a missin’ kid But the “hardest” part of bein’ a “pedophile is fittin’ in” ^^^^ so inappropriate but a sick line... you might go to hell for that one lol Lucky D Fall from graces, in part cart through parliments Holy darkness starks with bars Virgil parts with armaments Judas hearts with Charlatans, sip juice from lips Medusas Valleys peaks below, tha stones hold murders thieves seducers He bore false prophets with hypocricies holdin gold crucifix ^^^^ loved this flow and it was so well written!! Nigma I’ll rule my own hell, I’ll go insane and on a murder spree Consumed inside a cell within my grave for all eternity Caina, the first ring, is named for Cain and Abel, slayed his kin And Antenora traitors traits arrange to give their nations in The true trends often seen in Ptolemae’s ring is betraying guests I’m taken past it, the makers hands drag me to the center ring, provocative ^^^^ holy shit Nigma!!! you are an amazing writer and this is another case of you shining!!! |
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Concrete
Standard Member Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1418 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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..and a final bump for the hell of it.
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The Law
Site Moderator God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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To start off before I give all feedback for everyone, I will say this was a dope concept and well put together to whom ever came up with it and decided to set it all up.
nomedic - Super nice verse. I would pick out certain lines that I thought stood out, but the fact is, it was just a standout verse in general. It was a great way to start the collab off. Flow was smooth, and the verse itself was just solid in all around. Wish it was longer tbh because just for the 4 bars it seemed you were really in the zone on this one. Brenn - You had a nice take on lust. My favorite bars were the snap chat and pocket full of nudes line. You definitely kept it going on from the nice start that nomedic gave to this collab. But all in all the approach was nice, and it was one that I doubt anyone else would have taken on it, so that is always a big plus. Tamfa - Very good wording and had some nice imagery through it especially within the first 5 lines. Along with some nice wordplay as well, your opening wordplay was utilized very well and I don't think anyone else could have done that any better than you did there. Your closer had some dope wordplay with the stakes concept to finish it off as well. Real nice take on gluttony. DressToKill - Take on greed was nice and you bars portrayed it perfectly. Really liked the opening two bars to your verse. You had a great build up and really finished it up with that last line. Crazy how I felt so much was put into just the 4 bars for greed. Great work. Brotha Goose - Great smooth flow from the start to finish. Internals and rhyme schemes pushed this verse along nicely. It had a great build up and I thought that last line really continued this collab on well. Concrete - You are one of the more underrated writers here on LA imo. You can write up there with the best of the bunch every time you get on keyboard. I thought the schemes and flow was nice. You had great wording and the build up was great and really progressed your verse. On critique with yours I thought your final bar could have transitioned a little bit better. I was feeling it was left short. Still great work, great story though. Ill Scripturez - haha damn you went in bro and the way you closed it off had awesome imagery and just straight up nasty too. You came off the violence part well and definitely had one of the best verses on this collab. Wording, schemes, flow it all was molded together nicely. Had a really nice build up to that finish as well. You have become one of my favorite writers on the site to read btw. Lucky D - Real nice vocab and wording throughout your verse. It flowed well and had a nice take on the fraud aspect of things. The medusa and schicchi concepts were very nice. good stuff. Nigma - man you had a hell of a verse on this. Not saying that because it's the longer either haha. Real unique writing style with this verse, wording, vocab, and rhyme scheme's are really what made this so unique. You brought your own touch to this and really had the perfect verse to finish off this collab. We are always in for some good writing and something different when you are the one doing it. This was a great collab. Long yes, but well worth the read and feed to anyone that decides to take the time to do it. This is what I like to see. |
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JBrenn
Superior Member Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3757 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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Number one the om section is popping with so many good reads right now I m sorry if I miss giving feed to anyone but on a real note thanks for everyone taking their time to drop real feed!!! I will try and get each any everyone of you back. Even if I don't leave a feed just know I've been peeping your work. I'm blown away at the level in which the site is at right now. Congrats everyone and thanks!!!
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