Open Mic: Unsealed psychologist files part 1

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Ransom View Drop Down
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    Posted: 27 February 2015 at 6:15pm

~Officer Dallas and the search for happiness~



it's 1963, I was young and on my first beat
besides wanting something to eat, it was all I had dreamed
a 3rd generation cop, I had been a lock
to follow right in the foot steps of my pops
man I had the life equip with a wonderful wife
the type that made you not want to sleep at night
despite the new born we still found time to crack the head board
it was like porn, with two strokes would leave you with a dead sword
I thought I had stuck my finger in my last pie, by my was I wrong
always had a eye for beauty, but my focus was head strong
Then I got my first call, suspicion of a bunny ranch
just this fall in sunny pond we had closed two ran by blanch
An elder women known for running call girls
and had got away from street walking after the arrival of curls
Around 2:45 I arrived on location
a girl with the usual bribe was at the door pacing
In my amazement her beauty stopped me cold
and my composer was no longer composed
She was as sexy as any women I had ever seen
Perfect hips and her lips was covered in sheen

She offered me a 1000 dollars and a blow job
But I wasn't officer crowder and to shut them down would be no prob
I turned down the offer and began my usual frisk
"Is that your gun or you thinking about getting some of this?"
I laughed it off, but it took everything I Had to remain soft
I felt my pants bulge "Alright knock it off!"
Who was I kidding, she was different
I loved my wife but what we were doing wasn't living
Life had gotten so routine, Something I thought was for me
you know the movie scene type of story your told to be
"i'm Sarah" "I didn't ask your name"
by now I had forgot why I even came
I ran my hands up her thighs
until we were eye to eye
Needless to say I never made it into that ranch
Sarah gave me freedom.. sort of a second chance
She was more advanced than any of blanches girls
and our romance strung nights together like a string of pearls
I began missing work in need of her perfection
she met every erection with moist lips and no protection 


She would wrap her legs around me and pull me in
and after sex she would climb on top until id come again
her sex was to high class for a rubber
and in 9 months I had made her a mother..
I lost my job and my wife left me for a banker
But I didn't care if I ever seen her again I wouldn't forget to thank her..
Me and Sarah wed and moved to the great lakes
I found happiness she really had what it takes..
man I had the life equip with a wonderful wife
the type that made you not want to sleep at night
despite the new born we still found time to crack the head board
it was like porn, with two strokes would leave you with a dead sword....
Then I met Jane


 
    
 
~Lyrical Death Dealer~
"The Mike Myers of Papyrus"
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote T-Ripper Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 February 2015 at 5:51am
Hey Ransom, this was some sick storytelling bro!

I like the way you opened the drop. You started introducing the character right from the start. The rhymes were pretty basic but the bars had a nice flow to them. The illustrations made this a good read although I think they weren't needed since you spit the story in a way that I already had a picture in my head about the whole scene.

As we moved on, we got a twist. He had a wife who gave him sleepless nights yet he found a chick better than her. He married her later as his wife left him for someone else. You showed it like the man isn't even mad at his wife, as he goes on and happily marries Sarah. That's quite justified given how he liked Sarah more than his wife.

The story repeats and the officer is back to his routine life but then we have another twist. The closer was hilarious man. Great work! Nice flow overall, great delivery, maybe the rhymes could've been better but maybe that's your style.
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nomedic View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote nomedic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 February 2015 at 8:04am
dope story not your usual story with twists and shit but this was nice the schemes could've been better though I think wrote this to a beat lookin at how some lines are uneven in length I think if you add more internals your flow would be sicker no doubt but this was definitely nice man stay yp
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote CHAIN Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 March 2015 at 1:23pm
Originally posted by Ransom Ransom wrote:



"i'm Sarah" "I didn't ask your name"
by now I had forgot why I even came

nice touch.



I ran my hands up her thighs
until we were eye to eye
and our romance strung nights together like a string of pearls

tight!


I began missing work in need of her perfection
she met every erection with moist lips and no protection

ok....aight

 


this was dope. Not the most technical piece but the story didn't call for that.
Really enjoyed reading this.







you're a coon for only posting white women, though.

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naahhhh, I'm just playing lool

Those pics were the reason I read the drop in the first place (no tyger woods)
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Geeza Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 March 2015 at 2:42pm
Yeah i agree with everyone so far, this is a dope storytelling piece, proper skill that is, fair play too ya!!
I agree this lacked some stuff, but the actual content an storytellin way out shined the lack of technicals!! Props
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Ransom Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 March 2015 at 11:44am
Thank's for the feed fellas, always appreciated. As pointed out I wasn't to into the wording as I was the story... Ill have to  find a better balance.. 
~Lyrical Death Dealer~
"The Mike Myers of Papyrus"
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