Open Mic: Unsealed psychologist files part 1 |
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Ransom
Standard Member Joined: 30 June 2014 Location: 7 Citys Status: Offline Points: 911 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-0-0 Form: WW |
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Posted: 27 February 2015 at 6:15pm |
~Officer Dallas and the search for happiness~ besides wanting something to eat, it was all I had dreamed a 3rd generation cop, I had been a lock to follow right in the foot steps of my pops man I had the life equip with a wonderful wife the type that made you not want to sleep at night despite the new born we still found time to crack the head board it was like porn, with two strokes would leave you with a dead sword I thought I had stuck my finger in my last pie, by my was I wrong always had a eye for beauty, but my focus was head strong Then I got my first call, suspicion of a bunny ranch just this fall in sunny pond we had closed two ran by blanch An elder women known for running call girls and had got away from street walking after the arrival of curls Around 2:45 I arrived on location a girl with the usual bribe was at the door pacing In my amazement her beauty stopped me cold and my composer was no longer composed She was as sexy as any women I had ever seen Perfect hips and her lips was covered in sheen She offered me a 1000 dollars and a blow job But I wasn't officer crowder and to shut them down would be no prob I turned down the offer and began my usual frisk "Is that your gun or you thinking about getting some of this?" I laughed it off, but it took everything I Had to remain soft I felt my pants bulge "Alright knock it off!" Who was I kidding, she was different I loved my wife but what we were doing wasn't living Life had gotten so routine, Something I thought was for me you know the movie scene type of story your told to be "i'm Sarah" "I didn't ask your name" by now I had forgot why I even came I ran my hands up her thighs until we were eye to eye Needless to say I never made it into that ranch Sarah gave me freedom.. sort of a second chance She was more advanced than any of blanches girls and our romance strung nights together like a string of pearls I began missing work in need of her perfection she met every erection with moist lips and no protection She would wrap her legs around me and pull me in and after sex she would climb on top until id come again her sex was to high class for a rubber and in 9 months I had made her a mother.. I lost my job and my wife left me for a banker But I didn't care if I ever seen her again I wouldn't forget to thank her.. Me and Sarah wed and moved to the great lakes I found happiness she really had what it takes.. man I had the life equip with a wonderful wife the type that made you not want to sleep at night despite the new born we still found time to crack the head board it was like porn, with two strokes would leave you with a dead sword.... Then I met Jane |
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~Lyrical Death Dealer~
"The Mike Myers of Papyrus" |
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T-Ripper
Groupie Joined: 29 October 2014 Location: New Delhi Status: Offline Points: 158 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-2-0 Form: WLWL |
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Hey Ransom, this was some sick storytelling bro!
I like the way you opened the drop. You started introducing the character right from the start. The rhymes were pretty basic but the bars had a nice flow to them. The illustrations made this a good read although I think they weren't needed since you spit the story in a way that I already had a picture in my head about the whole scene. As we moved on, we got a twist. He had a wife who gave him sleepless nights yet he found a chick better than her. He married her later as his wife left him for someone else. You showed it like the man isn't even mad at his wife, as he goes on and happily marries Sarah. That's quite justified given how he liked Sarah more than his wife. The story repeats and the officer is back to his routine life but then we have another twist. The closer was hilarious man. Great work! Nice flow overall, great delivery, maybe the rhymes could've been better but maybe that's your style. |
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nomedic
Standard Member Joined: 11 January 2014 Location: South Africa Status: Offline Points: 1578 Crew: Hunger Games Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 35-25-0 Form: WWLLWL |
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dope story not your usual story with twists and shit but this was nice the schemes could've been better though I think wrote this to a beat lookin at how some lines are uneven in length I think if you add more internals your flow would be sicker no doubt but this was definitely nice man stay yp
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CHAIN
Standard Member Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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this was dope. Not the most technical piece but the story didn't call for that. Really enjoyed reading this. you're a coon for only posting white women, though. ..... .... .... naahhhh, I'm just playing lool Those pics were the reason I read the drop in the first place (no tyger woods) |
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Geeza
Groupie Joined: 24 February 2015 Status: Offline Points: 158 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-3-0 Form: LLWWL |
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Yeah i agree with everyone so far, this is a dope storytelling piece, proper skill that is, fair play too ya!!
I agree this lacked some stuff, but the actual content an storytellin way out shined the lack of technicals!! Props |
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Ransom
Standard Member Joined: 30 June 2014 Location: 7 Citys Status: Offline Points: 911 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-0-0 Form: WW |
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Thank's for the feed fellas, always appreciated. As pointed out I wasn't to into the wording as I was the story... Ill have to find a better balance..
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~Lyrical Death Dealer~
"The Mike Myers of Papyrus" |
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