Open Mic: Generally a Nazi

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    Posted: 02 May 2015 at 12:45am
From Round 2 of Identity Crisis...write a verse as a Nazi General

Harsh courses in the armed forces has you respecting authority
Ill prepares you for directing autonomy, suspecting all scholarly
Ideas, the night sears and burns those who followed the system
Trusting banks and Jews who spoke with the hollowest wisdom
The bread lines spread miles, they threw crumbs like projectiles
Makes my blood boil knowing we've succumbed to those reptiles
Who've plundered our textiles, munitions, and other industries
Never wondered where the threat lies, it doesn't interest me
The politics, false promises, collaring the spirit of our nation
The West has us hemmed in, the limits are frustrating
Restricting our recruits, making us defenceless, it's senseless!!
But then the Nazis came in the middle of the tempest
Hypnotic Hitler spoke like he was mimicking a temptress
With every vowel and curse he'd make the clouds disperse
With the proudest verse, made us feel our power and worth
And he's telling all the generals we're to scour the earth...

So we prepared raw, with vulgarity for war in totality
Swore the law was a fallacy, oversaw the brutality
Training camps, maiming tramps, just the beginning
Sinister sinning, swigging gin, militants, this is winning
A lightning war, a Breitling force, a frightening thought
Sniping scores, heightening trau-ma, life killed...corpse
Of course we riddled the villains with millions of shells
And if you survived well, you were living through Hell
Punish the Polish, hellion for Belgiums, Finnish the French
Batter the British in the Battle of Britain, listen, the stench
Of blood and guts was disgusting, but our violent pollution
Laid the foundations in the East for our final solution....

We herded the Jews up into the East into ghettos
"Don't belong on our land, a pest of a beast like a gekko
We'll treat them like echoes, remnants of the past
And make art from the carcass, like Rembrandt with a gas"
Coz our enemies are everywhere, total, pervasive
"From the Slavs to the Jews, gays and the vagrants
The vermin deserving of burning, advancing a coma
Then scatter them across all our land like the Roma
A travelling circus of death", my tempers flagrant
"I'll personally murder the Yids for my entertainment"
Make all the right noises, so I don't threaten suspicions
Coz Turing's Enigma wasn't the only weapon for Britain...

Yes I was a turncoat, a plant, a tactical Tommy
Why the fuck else you think Hitler was attacking the Commies?!
When they had us in a corner, battered, defeated
Deep in a war room we had the actions repeated
I advocated heavily for an attack on the Russians
"Strike now and it'll lead to those bastards' destruction!"
Other generals were sceptical, "this is no turn for the good"
But Hitlers bile for the Slavs made him yearn for their blood
So our master plan was enacted, the patsy was bonkers
A strike from within was how the Nazis were conquered...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote levy420 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 May 2015 at 5:11pm
This was sick cube's kept you glued in from start to finish an its all factual very vivid in description an the internals are everywhere like how u transitioned to different schemes vocabulary was there as well this was great from top to finish good shit like usual cubes
I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote ImmortalViolet Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 May 2015 at 6:35am
loved this ay .. I have nothing to say to perfect it because its already perfect omg the flow amazing and words and tong twisters loved them !!!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote nomedic Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 May 2015 at 9:09pm
Yo Cubes i thoroughly enjoyed this piece it ran like a diary of a general the stanza's you put on here were informative and each one had to have its own sub heading thats just how on point the format and plot was the flow was an oil slik damn i ebjoye the end schemes and internals straight up game man a solid drop no doubt good work
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote daydizzle89 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2015 at 2:15pm
This is slick as fuck. I love the way you told this story brothaman. Your mechanics are always good so im not gonna bother and tell you that your skills are good. The story though. Really nice shit. The was you described this was like a Nazi soldier. I felt hooked almost right off the bat. Good stuff
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote fuckoff Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2015 at 6:06pm
liked your rhyming through out, some nice meta's, crumb an circus parts especially, story wise i dunno, id hoped you might battle within yourself as a nazi to justify it to yourself better, as im sure 99% must of, it kind of felt like your perspective was a little robotic, the second verse was dope, mad fluid, your twist at the end sort of came out of nowhere and was a little too final and i dunno, not sure you ever had enough of a personal storyline to come in an affect it like that from the perspective you were in, i would have preferred it if you had jus kept dropping knowledge from a distance. stay up cubes
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2015 at 7:15pm
Cheers for the feedback guys.

FO, nice to see you back!! I was trying to keep it fresh across the whole verse...so like he starts off in his position a bit brainwashed like I guess loads of people were, they weren't as aggressively anti Semitic at the start so I was trying to have him swept along with it. But then he's in a senior position & sees the reality and gets spun by the British.

I guess I didn't quite get the balance right between dropping hints about his doubts/concerns and making it a surprise twist. I wanted it to be like "whoah, why did he turn?!" but I can see how it could come off a bit disjointed!
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Shankley Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2015 at 8:11pm
I liked it Cubes i think i voted for it in ya battle. I liked how smoothly you were able to tell a great story and keeping it feeling like a verse as opposed to just being a story. Your use of rhymes both internally and end rhymes were a show of talent for this type of writing. You had sone really nice multis and metaphors and you really imo got in the mindset of a Nazi general, i thought it had an almost "Schindlers List" feel to it. A verse of that many lines is hard to keep the reader entertained ALLL the way through and i feel you did that, once you start reading bedfore you know it you've nearly fi ished whi h is a sign of good writing. Props on this Cuba it was an excellent piece on a very emotive subject.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote queensavage Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 May 2015 at 9:05pm
alright i see you you got some good stuff 
you used GREAT vocabulary haha i had to look some stuff up
but theres nothing bad about that!! i was lookin at a lot of your stuff after this piece. aye this isnt the only good one....you got a lot of good stuff bruh....i mean sorry if i said that a lot but its so true...and i give you props on those metaphorsWink 

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Trizzy Tre Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 May 2015 at 2:56am
Good to see you droppin cubes.

Honestly, know ones feed will do this piece justice...

This was pure crack. ill as fuck. From top to bottom it read like a movie...you set the scene perfectly in each section. You could truly envision it. The rhyme scheme was dope and mixing your angle to this piece it really shined. The detail you put into this was amazing

I commend your work on this bruh...and your dedication to your craft.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Cuba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 May 2015 at 8:02pm
Cheers all, let me see if I can RTF then I'm going to go write a quick extension to my semi final verse
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote SwordedStylez Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 May 2015 at 8:58pm
I'm looking forward to that, no offense to Zin at all because he was dope but I had you as the clear winner myself (and I knew it was you 100% lol, Law can vouch for that.) I'll give this the proper feed it deserves over the weekend as I'm frankly fucked from work and wouldn' concentrate enough right now, however fo quick feed: Flow was nice, didn't notice any fall-offs, content was delivered well and paced nicely and I like your angle though I agree a little with the comment someone else said about "inner turmoil." As I say, i'll go more in-depth over the weekend.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote queensavage Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 May 2015 at 4:01pm
hey thanks for judging my stuff ...if you dont mind pleasee pleasee check out my last one...could really use your advice

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