Open Mic: Jack Marowak

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   Thanks to Nigma who's "wild pokemon appearing" comment in his feed on my other piece prompted the idea for this.

...

...
Forget the MD and the zoots, I came for XP and the loot, fam.
Wooden sword and worn boot straps green as the emerald hills of the New Land.
Fortune had me killing rats for basic characters with no care.
Talentless vagabond. Stammering champion of nowhere.
Now I'll go toe to toe with any foe on veteran setting,
know several endgame spells plus my plus eleven cape has hella embellishments.
Perma-death is temporary, yet resplendent.
I have opened every chest, collected every pendant.
I have bested every quest the heavens requested of me.
I have wept as I buried my senseis at the cemetery.
Centuries have passed by..
and I have seen the scene split screen like a villain with a glass eye

"Every temporary denizen of meccha
stomp a megaman rhythm like you're mecha-godzilla!"
One and a half hearts left for this quest,
but I'm anything but half hearted. So let's get started.

Awoken in the cold hard boneyard with my sonar broken
.. so I don't know where the ghosts are, and I'm hoping
for a bonus or a token or a gold star powerup.
Clouds. Towers. Mountains. Powercuts.
Glowered at by sour fucks. You bowsers cower at my dragon shouts.
Marowak evolved to Kerouac with his flagon out.
Less cloned snapback, more black mage hat.
Unbalanced this jam with captivating magic rage raps,
plus all the o.p. talismans & diamonds.
Double dragon damage, multipliers declining.
A final fight for my mind and I'm lying in recliners
and I admire your pride but feel inclined to remind you
that even on my last life you are still fighting a minotaur.
Hey, now what you crying for?

"Every temporary denizen of meccha
stomp a megaman rhythm like you're mecha-godzilla!"
One and a half hearts left for this quest,
but I'm anything but half hearted. So let's get started.

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Venomonology Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 23 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 674 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-2-0 Form: WWLWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Venomonology Report Post Likes(2) Quote Reply Topic: Jack Marowak Posted: 30 January 2016 at 8:18pm
	Thanks to Nigma who's "wild pokemon appearing" comment in his feed on my other piece prompted the idea for this. ... ... Forget the MD and the zoots, I came for XP and the loot, fam. Wooden sword and worn boot straps green as the emerald hills of the New Land. Fortune had me killing rats for basic characters with no care. Talentless vagabond. Stammering champion of nowhere. Now I'll go toe to toe with any foe on veteran setting, know several endgame spells plus my plus eleven cape has hella embellishments. Perma-death is temporary, yet resplendent. I have opened every chest, collected every pendant. I have bested every quest the heavens requested of me. I have wept as I buried my senseis at the cemetery. Centuries have passed by.. and I have seen the scene split screen like a villain with a glass eye "Every temporary denizen of meccha stomp a megaman rhythm like you're mecha-godzilla!" One and a half hearts left for this quest, but I'm anything but half hearted. So let's get started. Awoken in the cold hard boneyard with my sonar broken .. so I don't know where the ghosts are, and I'm hoping for a bonus or a token or a gold star powerup. Clouds. Towers. Mountains. Powercuts. Glowered at by sour fucks. You bowsers cower at my dragon shouts. Marowak evolved to Kerouac with his flagon out. Less cloned snapback, more black mage hat. Unbalanced this jam with captivating magic rage raps, plus all the o.p. talismans & diamonds. Double dragon damage, multipliers declining. A final fight for my mind and I'm lying in recliners and I admire your pride but feel inclined to remind you that even on my last life you are still fighting a minotaur. Hey, now what you crying for? "Every temporary denizen of meccha stomp a megaman rhythm like you're mecha-godzilla!" One and a half hearts left for this quest, but I'm anything but half hearted. So let's get started.

Crimson Juice Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Crimson Juice Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 01 February 2016 at 11:11pm
	I got to say this is a very creative verse if I've understood it right, and the concept is fresh also,to use video games and characters, along with their environments,and turn it into a whole verse,is,mad skillful,I must say it took me 2 reads to get it,and still I'm left thinking if I have...lol..enjoyable read Indeed....peace.
	"You need to learn how to make an exit, before you can dare make an entrance".

Nigma Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4077 Crew: Elision	Post Options Post Reply Quote Nigma Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 01 February 2016 at 11:33pm
	Man. With the combo of my name in the prelude, the pokemon picture, the gaming references and relating them to real life accomplishments, your writing capability, and the fact that my pills just kicked in, I fucking loved this! Initial mood set was that of the bare-boned character as the game loads, however it was developed extremely quickly. Before long you'd opened all the chests and beaten all the quests and even taken the time to grieve (that word would have fit in that segment nicely btw) at a cemetery. Plenty of transitions made me feel good inside. A ton of one liners painted nice images. One of my favorites came in your finals stanza, the concept of being a 'temporary denizen of meccha' was powerful. Terrific piece of the type of creative ingenuity that breathes motivation into a newly reawaken OM section.


Cuba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12329 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Cuba Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 02 February 2016 at 6:42pm
	This one didn't really capture me to be honest...probably because a lot of the references were lost on me. I thought it was a really cool concept for a drop but I found it quite hard to read. Felt quite "texty" in that you had a whole load of rhymes in there but I didn't really feel a rhythm to it...maybe it was because you were being really overtly descriptive that it took away from a flow. Not that I'd describe it as choppy or anything like that, was more an absence of focus rather than a lack of knowledge...at least that's the way it came across to me. Rhyme wise, I quite liked the way you switched on that boneyard/sonar broken segment. That was really stylish, nice bit of flair. So yeah, I'd suggest focusing a bit more on the flow to accentuate what you're writing. I'll keep an eye out for more of your drops though, as when you look @ the concept and your approach you had a lot going for you.


Venomonology Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 23 October 2012 Status: Offline Points: 674 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-2-0 Form: WWLWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Venomonology Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 February 2016 at 12:57am
	Nigma - thanks man, appreciated Cuba - I know what you mean about flow, the embellishment line could've been refined and the end of the 3rd stanza kinda lost it a bit at the end but this one was more about content I guess. just a little experiment that turned into what it is. props for coming with constructive feed though, that's what I'm after. always room for improvement no matter what level a person is at.

Endeavor Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Endeavor Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 February 2016 at 2:55pm
	This is original as fuck. Since I'm a nerd at heart, I got pokemon emulated on my phone so whenever I'm bored I pop that shit and smash heads in but that's besides the point. From a creative standpoint I liked this alot, certain segments were hard to follow as I wasn't completely sure which direction you took with that specific part. I.e: "plus eleven cape has hella embellishments". I didnt know you could give them mofos capes, yo! Also, that line didn't really flow well for me. I think that was my biggest issue with the piece, that at some points the flow was tight and other parts it kind of fell off. Overall I would give this 8/10 because the originality and concept really overshadowed the little flow flaws. Good job, man!
	#Bananas