Open Mic: [OM King] Sermon in The Parking Lot

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    Posted: 19 February 2016 at 9:53pm
staying idle, praying in silence, paging the bible
the adoration of idols, I had to make my arrival

Enter Black Friday.

a bleak morning in November, the date well marked
the deprived assembled before the gates of Walmart
waiting for Halmarks, products made mortals realized
by an unholy spirit of Capitalism any soul materialized

an eerie sight, packs of hungry customers on stand-by
the paradigm of these times, "give in to the franchise"
It's high time for mankind to rise beyond cheap bargains
my preaching started between the meat and the market

uhm, pardon, I am Harbinger, transcendence incarnate
so please seize gazing at me like I'm mentally retarded
inhabitants of the Mall, I call upon your innate awareness 
I'm quite embarrassed, how humanity is just "care-less"
dignity done perished, you're like androids solely sleeping 
consumerism will never feed the empty void in your being

no sign of agreement, they looked at me like true scum
-hey, this is too dumb! who in the hell is this rude bum?

listen to the truth son! now I might sound soft here
but your brains are running on corrupted software
heed our lord's prayer; into temptation yall been seduced
individual significance reduced to what's being produced
bought, consumed, for corporations to meet some goal
let the real be told; consumption will deplete your soul!

silence filled the air, all I heard was the slack sound
from the gentle wind breezing in the background
sadly that drowned, as soon I started speaking loud
pleaded the crowd; have my word reached you now?

I felt calming peace around, they knew highness spoke 
but in a rather violent stroke, suddenly all silence broke
no need for violence folks! but they stormed with rage
enormous hate, and this was to be the Coming of Apes?
some things don't change, agony was worrying imminent
-how dare he patronize us - the hard working citizens!

you're hurting an innocent! I said before losing cognizance
it was ominous, my beaten body left with no consciousness
grab that prophet's legs! and then firmly tape his ankles!
some of corporate slaves wanted to make an example..

fate was entangled.. Father, is this truly your will, Lord?
I plead this prayer while being pinned to a neon billboard..
I searched inward, If I had any ego it would be offended
and to bluntly end this..
I don't have a clue if humans ever could be amended

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Slip Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 February 2016 at 7:43pm
the story was great nice message very vivid descriptions 
the rhymes were sweet and on point transitions very smooth

there were a lot of good lines in this

I felt calming peace around, they knew highness spoke 
but in a rather violent stroke, suddenly all silence broke
no need for violence folks! but they stormed with rage
enormous hate, and this was to be the Coming of Apes?
some things don't change, agony was worrying imminent
-how dare he patronize us - the hard working citizens

you're hurting an innocent! I said before losing cognizance
it was ominous, my beaten body left with no consciousness
grab that prophet's legs! and then firmly tape his ankles!
some of corporate slaves wanted to make an example..
                           ^^^^^
i liked this painted a good picture so we could really see what your saying
again the descriptive images made this a good read

KOTOM is really bringing out some great talent from the new and older members
keep it up


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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Concrete Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2016 at 11:01am
Apprecitate the looks Slip.

Any more comments? Sleepy
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2016 at 1:32pm
staying idle, praying in silence, paging the bible

the adoration of idols, I had to make my arrival


Enter Black Friday.

----

dope intro.



a bleak morning in November, the date well marked

the deprived assembled before the gates of Walmart

waiting for Halmarks, products made mortals realized

by an unholy spirit of Capitalism any soul materialized

------

gates of walmart truly made me smirk. I think youre sacrificing content for word placement tho. the materialized line was slick.




an eerie sight, packs of hungry customers on stand-by

the paradigm of these times, "give in to the franchise"

It's high time for mankind to rise beyond cheap bargains

my preaching started between the meat and the market

----

this flows dope, and I was onboard till meat and the market.. wouldnt the meat be the market? as opposed to the clothing section? where they got the dope treads?



uhm, pardon, I am Harbinger, transcendence incarnate

so please seize gazing at me like I'm mentally retarded

inhabitants of the Mall, I call upon your innate awareness 

I'm quite embarrassed, how humanity is just "care-less"

dignity done perished, you're like androids solely sleeping 

consumerism will never feed the empty void in your being


no sign of agreement, they looked at me like true scum

-hey, this is too dumb! who in the hell is this rude bum?

------

this shit took my smirk and turned it into full on laughter, good shit… but I think replacing rude bum with like nuisance or 'man with the beard covered in food crumbs' 'holes in the hoodie hoodlum' 'unholy roley poley fool, son?!?' ' toothless doufus with the cool cut' but thats just preference shit.



listen to the truth son! now I might sound soft here

but your brains are running on corrupted software

heed our lord's prayer; into temptation yall been seduced

individual significance reduced to what's being produced

bought, consumed, for corporations to meet some goal

let the real be told; consumption will deplete your soul!

------

Im digging the angle, cause folks would *NOT* be in the mood for this shit. this might be one of the funniest narrated pieces ive read on here. some of your word choices arent my glass of moonshine, but thats life




silence filled the air, all I heard was the slack sound

from the gentle wind breezing in the background

sadly that drowned, as soon I started speaking loud

pleaded the crowd; have my word reached you now?

-----

with the rhymes, I figured youd toss in the overhead speaker during the being drowned out bit. gives an enviroment play and could be used with some serious wit. even a speaker play on a security guards walkie talkie. but I do appreciate your portrait



I felt calming peace around, they knew highness spoke 

but in a rather violent stroke, suddenly all silence broke

no need for violence folks! but they stormed with rage

enormous hate, and this was to be the Coming of Apes?

some things don't change, agony was worrying imminent

-how dare he patronize us - the hard working citizens!

-------

I truly love this narrative man, I am seeing this cat with his arms raised outward standing on a basket from the cashier just doing his best gather round folks routine, its a hilarious visual in the least


you're hurting an innocent! I said before losing cognizance

it was ominous, my beaten body left with no consciousness

grab that prophet's legs! and then firmly tape his ankles!

some of corporate slaves wanted to make an example..


fate was entangled.. Father, is this truly your will, Lord?

I plead this prayer while being pinned to a neon billboard..

I searched inward, If I had any ego it would be offended

and to bluntly end this..

I don't have a clue if humans ever could be amended

-----

the ending was abrupt to say the least, I dont feel the lead up paid off. the humor involved you had several exits and just chose to hit the brakes. overall, was a funny fucking piece. I literally giggled like a second grader with a fart joke. was a good time. thx Con. I owe you one.

#Bananas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Concrete Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2016 at 4:37pm
Ah man thanks a lot Neek. You really provide creative feedback around here. Just to comment regarding "meat market".. I pictured the hobo-prophet symbolicly standing between the human crowd (meat) and the Walmart building (market). Capitalism kinda presumes everybody is getting pimped out  in the long run, but that's another debate. As for the abrupt ending that was actually intentional, the hobo-prophet was full hope for the day, his speech could have led to something great but in the end all he got for his noble efforts was being pinned to a modern day device, the billboard, rather than a cross. And that's it, thats humanity for ya. I wanted the reader to feel the same let-down with an anticpating subject as this months OMKing is. Dark and (very) dry satire is popular over here in Skandinavia so might be kinda influenced by that. The comedy factor was my main objective so I'm glad it made you laugh. Again, I appreciate the feed you gave here, it's really food for thought the writers here.
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2016 at 5:00pm
well Gundasou vitless (I never knew how to spell this, so I sorta sounded it out)
#Bananas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Titu Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 February 2016 at 7:00pm
Fuck! He's done it now. 
I loved the fact how each and every bar was so well calculated words wise, which actually helped you flow like water. 
Your imagery was dope and Your story telling skills overshined all the other aspects tbh. 
This part was the strongest one...

listen to the truth son! now I might sound soft here
but your brains are running on corrupted software
heed our lord's prayer; into temptation yall been seduced
individual significance reduced to what's being produced
bought, consumed, for corporations to meet some goal
let the real be told; consumption will deplete your soul!

Sick bro. Also, that hard citizens line made me chuckle a little, tho, that line had a very deep meaning to it. 
I think this piece was dope from the top to bottom and you did a great job. Props! 
Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head.

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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Concrete Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 February 2016 at 9:35pm
Hey thanks for that feed Titu, we should do a collab some time again soon.
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