Open Mic: The Last Speech

I wrote this speech for my clash with Hawk but he's nowhere to be found. Your thoughts are most appreciated.




My fellow citizens, tonight we unite as high level militants,
for change is imminent, and success lies in the veins of discipline,
so let's remain vigilant and highly spirited, irrevocable, not limited,
small as silicon, yet able to move the world like the hearts of ligaments,     
make me your next president, vote for me ladies and gentlemen,
glorify me on this blessed event, and spoil yourself with the taste of my gentleness,
let's redesign let's reinvent, a better American settlement,
let's bypass the past and represent this Godly nation in the bliss of a New Testament,
no more drug abuse & over dosage, together we'll break the yolk of bondage,
proclaiming freedom to those held hostage, harmonizing a song of courage,
mobilizing the youth on this national voyage from every school and every college,
striking all negativity with high voltage and later spoiling ourselves with pottage,
no further financial blockages for my perseverance shall not relent,
I'll rather ferment like grape juice till i see unemployment repent,
raise job opportunities to 80 percent and deny them to descend,
for it's my divine duty to prevent poverty while we spend,
Not ignoring other issues rising like the chaotic group, the militant Isis,
the US defense force shall strike like a typhus and leave the pirates in silence,
death shall be their guidance to hell for they've proven themselves to be sightless,
offspring of darkness, an alliance with the devil, wild and mindless,
Ladies and gentlemen, i believe together we are true giants,
amazingly strong people and more valiant than these new tyrants,
and last but not least, vote for this candidate and receive more affordable healthcare,
I'll be your true president elected for peace, to bring you better services than the Obama care.

Neek wrote: ..when you get to that point where you want to finish up, put it away for ten or 15 mins. come back and read it and then go. itll remove the anxious feeling and let your mind really piece it together for a grand crescendo. but overall, I thought this was stellar. one of my favorite drops presently. thanks for sharing.

Thanks for the good feed bro. You definitely got a point there, our brains needs that refreshment. I'll put that in practice and thanks again for the advise.

I thought the concept was great, and your content absolutely really did it justice. I really felt like I was hearing a presidential candidate's speech. You very really did paint the atmosphere of the broken state of our country. The vocabulary was strong; it is definitely what further solidified the strength of this piece! Your flow was good. I haven't been judging other textcee's materials for a while, so I cannot yet trust myself fully to judge another's flow--at the moment. Your multis, where you did have them were good, but this piece worked perfectly, even without an overbearing abundance of multis. This was truly a unique piece. Your overall execution of this rhyme was great!

Damn Sky,this really was some next shit..


My fellow citizens, tonight we unite as high level militants,
for change is imminent, and success lies in the veins of discipline,
so let's remain vigilant and highly spirited, irrevocable, not limited,
small as silicon, yet able to move the world like the hearts of ligaments,     
make me your next president, vote for me ladies and gentlemen,

(Sky you've crafted a gem here,that opener just grabbed me by the
collar and pulled me straight in,and that was just the 1st 2 lines,
nicely done,this segment was well written to be honest,your choice
in words was good,the tempo,shit it even had an ambience about,I'm
feeling this)

glorify me on this blessed event, and spoil yourself with the taste of my gentleness,
let's redesign let's reinvent, a better American settlement,
let's bypass the past and represent this Godly nation in the bliss of a New Testament,
no more drug abuse & over dosage, together we'll break the yolk of bondage,
proclaiming freedom to those held hostage, harmonizing a song of courage,
mobilizing the youth on this national voyage from every school and every college,
striking all negativity with high voltage and later spoiling ourselves with pottage,
no further financial blockages for my perseverance shall not relent,
I'll rather ferment like grape juice till i see unemployment repent,
raise job opportunities to 80 percent and deny them to descend,
for it's my divine duty to prevent poverty while we spend

(I don't know why,but on reading this I get images of JFK,I can even
hear he's voice as I read,this comes off as a carlsberg moment,if
carlsberg did presidents,they'd probably be the best presidents in
the world,lol..it's an advert about beer here in the UK,their slogan
is,if they made whatever besides beer,it would be perfect also,any
how this was good,shit all these pledges,I'd vote for him,I liked
the detail and the imagery I'm getting here,I could hash out some
quotes,but then the feed would end up longer than your verse..)

Not ignoring other issues rising like the chaotic group, the militant Isis,
the US defense force shall strike like a typhus and leave the pirates in silence,
death shall be their guidance to hell for they've proven themselves to be sightless,
offspring of darkness, an alliance with the devil, wild and mindless,
Ladies and gentlemen, i believe together we are true giants,
amazingly strong people and more valiant than these new tyrants,
and last but not least, vote for this candidate and receive more affordable healthcare,
I'll be your true president elected for peace, to bring you better services than the Obama care

(damn Sky you've really impressed me with this,throughout you've
have displayed a good pen game here,at this point,towards the end
is where you seem to be flagging some,don't get me wrong,it still
finished as a highlight,but unlike your opener and mid section,I
got the impression you were tired,or tired with this and wanted an
end,the reason I say that is that the ending,seemed to have less
care in substance,you threw on the first two thirds of this drop,
but still this ending will do,this was and is well worth anybody
the me to read,I'm just happy I did,good work here bro..)

This is one of the better pieces I've feed of late,i liked this
verse,it was put together we'll,I was gripped from start to end,
you've really outdone yourself here,good work Sky,real good work,
I'll give you.mad props for this piece,such an enjoyable read..
Peace

Nicely written piece.
Great inspiration

You got my vote!
Very nice, this kindda shit makes
Me want to keep pushing forward.
respect. Catch ya later.

This was entertaining to read. I appreciate you tried to keep roughly the same structure and rhyme for most of the piece. I think it let up about half way through, and became slightly scrappy quarter/half rhymes, but the intention was there, and at least you had something substancial to say. You seem to have a keen interest in politics, so i'd be intrigued to see a new piece where you state where Obama went wrong, and how you'd fix it/change it. I'd like to read that.

Highlight was the opener, as Neek says.

Keep up.

My fellow citizens, tonight we unite as high level militants,
for change is imminent, and success lies in the veins of discipline,

success lies in the veins of discipline i loved that line and also that opening bar 

Feeds already given by experts, but i must post something..




make me your next president, vote for me ladies and gentlemen,
glorify me on this blessed event, and spoil yourself with the taste of my gentleness,



Don't know why but the first line got me laughing really hard..



In general, love how you made it so simple and your consistency in this is excellent. The way you approach the topic was very clever, a candidate running his own campaigne.



Words look promising, #Sky for president.