Open Mic: [WD#5]The Island |
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Rutter knows best 
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 Topic: [WD#5]The IslandPosted: 26 July 2016 at 1:25am |
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I got the nepotism of a man who's heads a prison,
Fucking with my mind like a conjugal visit was not the best decision Now i've set divisions, misanthropic..i don't suggest you visit, Ever the antagonists, but i've let my passion drift..I'm yet to miss it Soul been dead a minute, my mind keeps asking for more boarders Time for kinship's impish, A transient thought asking a tall order, They say i gotta try, but i'm ossify'd n god knows it, This my respite...its time to grow on my own w/ no need for osmosis, Thou shall not show it..i go to the Jim Carry weights n i don a mask, God n Iconoclast, don't know if can i prove myself wrong but i gotta ask
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#bananas
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Ridley Squat
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Joined: 20 November 2015 Location: UK Status: Offline Points: 830 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 9-6-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 26 July 2016 at 1:57am |
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Sick drop Ruttz
Can't do detail now But nicely thought out, and my favourite so far A strong contender for second place ... |
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Rutter knows best
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Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 27 July 2016 at 5:49pm |
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Apreciate it rid, thought I'd do something a lil different.
Thanks for all the feed guys, |
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#bananas
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Cuba
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Posted: 27 July 2016 at 9:12pm |
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Second place? Is Rid's planning to drop a bomb on us??
 Loving the use of conjugal though...so many dope plays so far, surely one of those is heading for line of the month?! Really solid metaphor in the setup as well, that's gotta be a contender. Overall it was a new side from what I've read from you before, came across more reflective/introspective and some real understated moments in the drop...two minor points of criticism, felt like some of the lines were a bit congested in terms of syllables, not to the point that it was stilted but if you'd been a bit more selective felt it could've been a bit smoother. As much a matter of style as anything else, I personally like it read super smooth and fluid. Second one is more a pet peeve in that you repeated a couple of words "god" and "visit" were the one's I noticed...personally I don't really like to see that unless it's deployed as a deliberate tactic, came across a little lazy. That said, was still a very solid drop...quality of all the drops I've read so far is really high. Good work.
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Rutter knows best
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Joined: 15 March 2014 Location: Manny hood Status: Offline Points: 4529 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-12-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 28 July 2016 at 4:56pm |
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Thanks cubes, good feed back. I do overwork things sometimes, especially the last couplet, I get what your saying with the using the same word twice. If it ain't the rhyming word I'm kinda easy on that but I do get what ya mean. Glad you enjoyed it as a piece overall.
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#bananas
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-Que-
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Posted: 28 July 2016 at 5:42pm |
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Seen some of your previous work...you my dude def got a high level of skill. This was a different play on the words which painted dark situational imagery. Plus your multi usage made it that more dope. Great entry Rutt
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spume corrupt
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Posted: 28 July 2016 at 10:05pm |
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Loved the moody questioning kinda feel this had
And it all came round to the closer nice Dope effort here bro |
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Neek
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Posted: 29 July 2016 at 2:35am |
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I thought this started off on the right foot. these word drops seems to be your drink of grape juice because they produce your best material.
I did get lost a bit tho trying to piece it all together. started off that you were crazy. then dead. then accepting youd died and going to meet your maker with a fuck it attitude. the way you opened, had you kept that theme I think this woulda been crazy as fuck. still an enjoyable read tho. hope you enter the next one as well. goodluck. |
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#Bananas
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Droidian
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Posted: 29 July 2016 at 5:20am |
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as i moved through this i had a sorta alan moore meets the cell feel to it. there are all sorts of ways to interpret this but the underlying sense of confusion, some dread and futility, mixed with an uncertain hunger really evoke a lot of different feelings.
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daydizzle89
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Posted: 29 July 2016 at 7:48pm |
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got the nepotism of a man who's heads a prison,
Fucking with my mind like a conjugal visit was not the best decision
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS OPENER WAS SICK BROTHA. REALLY DOPE HERE Very aggressive here with the flow. Bouncy in a good way. The metas used were dope as well. Favorite WD this month brotha.That opening bar was dope as fuck though. Great work |
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