Open Mic: True Identity

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Sky Scrapur View Drop Down
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    Posted: 09 August 2017 at 4:37pm


recovering,almost there...writer's block

I'm truly a mighty man, emotionally and mentally strong,
Equiped to endure hardships though my journey's too long.
Excitement misleads and beauteous women deceive the simple,
Their smiles and actions potray innocence but the intend indeed is evil,
Nevertheless, i made wisdom my friend and a trend on the markets,
And today i pick demons, eyes closed, even in complete darkness,
Take no advantage of my kindness, even my kindness is heartless,
eyes plucked and replanted on my heart to amplify my sight's sharpness.
I perceive temptation at a distant and find another route,
Resisting is also temptation clothed in another suit,
But i've plastered my morals on my heart's surface,
And painted its walls with self-control fused with earnest.
I know I'm someone's role model despite my self-doubts,
Despite a crushed reputation, that dried up like droughts,
Hence i'm proud, to vividly understand, that i live not for myself,
But others too, even those who would gladly pick my book from a shelf.




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Neek View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Neek Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 August 2017 at 10:43pm
first off, that closer is what I call craftsmanship. normally when folks take a "coin'd phrase".. they incorporate it.. but you didnt even hint at it. typically youd see a "judge" in there. maybe a law school play about the cover.. but those are the kinds of lines I love. the subtle slick shit. its an artform sky. I also liked wisdom my friend as well.


overall, what I gathered from the piece is either your girl cheated or you banged a less than pure woman and some folks dont understand.


or maybe you banged your homies girl.. ..its all kinda vague but leans towards a woman is involved.


I liked it. keep shaking that rust and giving us a quotable my friend.
#Bananas
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote alicewonder Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2017 at 2:05am
Nice to see you dropping again.
I really liked your opening bar, nothing too 'fancy' in terms of schemes but that's what makes the content more of a focal point. It had an impressive, personal tone to it. The poetic word choice in your second bar was also somewhat interesting, although the content was nothing new (at least nothing which I personally care for). But I can appreciate the imagery you employed in the middle section, you kind of subtly touched on dichotomous patterns, which is great to see. I enjoyed how you directed the 'positive' tone from the beginning to greater heights, conceptually speaking, the 'role model/self doubt' part is a prime example of that. Your closing bar was the highlight for me, though, as it seemed more structured for a more in-depth understanding. At times your lines seemed slightly touching on one topic and then shifting towards a generalisation of 'temptations/sins', but your closing line served its purpose. Nice read overall. 
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sky Scrapur Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2017 at 5:43am
Thanks for the feed Alice

Much appreciated
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Crimson Juice View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Crimson Juice Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2017 at 9:42am
Yeah i liked this Sky the story was engaging,plus it had an emotional vibe etched
within also,your contents were relevant and relatable and the similes were nicely
expressed here too,(reputation/drought) just to highlight one,the searching aspect
was for me the driving force here,seeking out the bad to find the good,like hunting
for a diamond in the ruff,plus adding an alternative where your waiting to be found
or selected was good also,the ending like others have pointed out was solid and
poeticly delivered i thought,enjoyed the read here Sky,a piece i guess we can all
relate too...peace.
"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance".
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sky Scrapur Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2017 at 3:26pm
Originally posted by Neek Neek wrote:

first off, that closer is what I call craftsmanship. normally when folks take a "coin'd phrase".. they incorporate it.. but you didnt even hint at it. typically youd see a "judge" in there. maybe a law school play about the cover.. but those are the kinds of lines I love. the subtle slick shit. its an artform sky. I also liked wisdom my friend as well.


overall, what I gathered from the piece is either your girl cheated or you banged a less than pure woman and some folks dont understand.


or maybe you banged your homies girl.. ..its all kinda vague but leans towards a woman is involved.


I liked it. keep shaking that rust and giving us a quotable my friend.



Lol damn. I don't how you picked that up. Yes a woman is behind the script. Lol i didn't expect such a deep analysis, thanks bro.

Thanks for the great feed i'll keep shaking the rust off...
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Sky Scrapur Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 August 2017 at 3:27pm
Thanks for the feed Crim bro. Im glad you could relate
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