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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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Posted: 11 September 2018 at 5:50am |
Transit by Sammy and iLL scriptureZ I was fed but nothing else. Used to beg for something… Now i’m more accustomed to nothing; Actually, a preference. Dealt.. in plaid attire. Buttoned up sleeves. Crosshatch design, designed to be lost in the evening 5pm frenzies. Boston by the season Tossed like lemmings lost in debt of twenty leagues. I’m… Lost in the evening. Same Idol talks on the T. Sat across from me, a long legged blonde Make believing she hadn’t noticed the many eyes charting her cleavage Love scar on her cheek (i think). Passion is fun, no? Ask her, Sam. I was starved by something else. Used to have everything… Now I’m habitually anything; In reality, a fondness. Folded.. in suggestive fashion. Low cut v-neck. Silk laced pattern, patterned to be found tonight Happy hour impulses in Beantown Overwhelmed by suitors who confess love to me. I’m… Found tonight. Original perfection speaks to me. Adjacent, a tall handsome man Convinced he hadn’t detected my stare Hair masking my past pain (i hope). Love is courageous, yes. Ask me, you. |
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The Rap Daemon
Standard Member Joined: 05 August 2015 Location: Purgatory Status: Offline Points: 1108 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-14-0 Form: LWLWWL |
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The attention to detail in this verse is eye-catching.
Opposites attract, and they certainly did here. It was on my 2nd read that I realised what you guys did with that opposite thing. Very clever collaboration and you both bounced off each other very naturally, no homo. The love scar on her cheek/hair masking my past pain lines hit me the most. Really powerful wording. I can't knock this piece if I spent a thousand years trying to. I gotta say this is probably my favourite piece I've ever read on this site. |
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Faggot
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RosenBoss
Groupie Joined: 05 September 2018 Location: Nebraska Status: Offline Points: 66 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-2-0 Form: LL |
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This was very creative. I can actually see these pictures framed with the words below it used as art on the wall. It's poetic.
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Sammy, I'm glad we were able to deliver on this. When you sent me this verse, it was the first time since I could remember I thought to myself "how tf am I gonna match this". I didn't want to bring the same style that I bring to every piece and I wanted to grow a bit. This was an atom bomb of a poetic collab, man. Thanks for letting me be a part of it.
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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word! what u did with it was fuckin brilliant. Once i caught on i was like ohhhh shit.!
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Neek
Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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this piece fucked me up. ill be honest. I didnt know if you guys were going for some inception shit and the "tell em sam" bit was bait.. and the verse thats supposed to be samuel was ill and ill was samuel because samuel is ill even when its not a collabo. bottomline, was mindfucked from the very start.
I enjoyed the read. the inner dialogue felt very real. I am not sure the narrative spoke to the pics, as its an empty subway and wheres all this gawking taking place before the two smitten lovebirds lock eyes in that refreshing this is it moment.. but the narrative was painted exceptional, no pun. you two are bonafide rockstars. bravo. |
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#Bananas
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Trizzy Tre
Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW |
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Wow..
Sammy, with pieces like this you always present your verse with clarity and vividness. Truly an art. You can tie any random picture around a creative verse, always impressive. Your storytelling ability is off the charts. iLL - you did your thing man, no doubt in verses like this it's hard to keep up with Sammy, it's his wheelhouse. Overall this was a cool and out of the box drop. Enjoyable read fellas. |
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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neek, tre, thanks for the words, guys! really appreciate it.
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Cuba
Senior Moderator Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12327 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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I basically agree with Neek said here, so no need to repeat it. You both are superbly descriptive writers, say so much with so few words it's kinda fucked up. It was interesting to have two parts of a story intertwined with different images, very artistic type collab and a real fresh angle to take. Innovative stuff, awesome work.
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Crimson Juice
Site Moderator Joined: 20 December 2015 Location: U.K. Status: Offline Points: 3258 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LLWLW |
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I seen this the other day but didnt get time to comment on it,sooooooo.
Highly interesting collab here guys,i was really feeling the perspective element in this scene,and damn what a peach of a title too,Sammy your word placements here really added some zest,and iLL your word choices complemented Sammy and intrigued me,i got the impression this was like lust meets need scenario,it felt real because of the environment you both created and not just the fact it was in a carriage on a train,but by bring in the surroundings too,it added an open world vibe on reading,it also read like opposites was in play too,him and her/dressed up/dressed down/high life/low life,i could go on,but what defines this for me,is the desire to be one together,this collab was innovating and creative,and a bench mark in essences for how a true collab should be,the same story but different takes with the same ideas,ripe fellas,and a solid read that deserves way more feedback really..peace. |
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"You need to learn how to make an exit,
before you can dare make an entrance". |
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rhetorical
Site Moderator Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 807 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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so much said with so little, the brilliance was really the way you guys just complimented each others verses here. brushed with very poetic strokes. these two pieces went together as seamless as a collaboration can possibly go. good work fam
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Endeavor
Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW |
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Reading all the feedback I came to the conclusion that everything has been said. One of my favorite pieces I've seen on here.
So I'd like to take the time out to talk about Jesus. In psalm 21:9 Jesus said "when shits lit. We gon feast". In Mark 9:49 jesus said "let it be lit" and I got lit the fuck up. Jesus supports this message. |
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#Bananas
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Hyperactive
Groupie Joined: 03 August 2015 Status: Offline Points: 113 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-0-0 Form: WWW |
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^ lmao @ that comment.
This was absolutely insane. As conveyed by others, the ability to get so much across in so few words was incredible enough - the way the verses not only blended together but followed the same structure and pattern pushed it over the top. Amazing work, art at its finest. |
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iLL ScriptureZ
Standard Member Joined: 13 May 2014 Location: NJ Status: Offline Points: 2477 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: LWWLWW |
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Thanks everyone... Sammy, I think is HOF shit.. just saying
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Sammy
Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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bro, i actually had my lit professor read this and she was really digging it. I asked her if she saw what we did here. at first she was like "im not sure what you're referring to but i like the descriptive language. Then she kind of read it a few more times. I knew she caught it when she said OHHHH I SEE IT NOW. She was impressed, in other words lol. def one of my favorite piece and worthy of an hof. (not tryna be narcissistic or anything lol)
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alicewonder
Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN |
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I’ve read this a few times now and it only gets better. Not sure what else I could add to what’s been said already but I’ve been meaning to leave a comment earlier. One of the best pieces I’ve seen so far. Tremendous effort, just beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.
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Smoothtung
Standard Member Joined: 09 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-8-3 Form: WWWLWN |
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Dang this was nice. Highly impressive. I always knew Ill was descriptive but I don't know you Sammy and I found your verse to be beautifully poetic. Ill i agree lol I thought to myself after reading the first verse how is he gna follow up on that? But you stepped in with strength and elegance. Props to both of you.
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