Autobiography
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=15641
Printed Date: 27 March 2026 at 2:14am
Topic: Autobiography
Posted By: Kay B
Subject: Autobiography
Date Posted: 06 July 2008 at 4:51pm
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Wrote about the shit i felt needed included, some shit was too personal so i took it out, either way....It's hot....don't sleep on it History of Kay story's told consist of some facts He'd shake when young, like a baby born addicted to crack Lay sick on his back, already he's choking on cords Started with nothing but a struggle, jus' supposed to be born So close to his dawn, jus thinking her baby was harmed Brought back from the edge of death, and gently laid in her arms Still stunned by effects his mother stared in distress She slowly rose to her feet, brushed her hair n got dressed Spent the next three day's gently strapped to machines Nervous eye's being told "its not as bad as it actually seems" Diagnosed as an asthmatic patient, minutes from birth Being the nervous wreak mother was she considered the worst Arrived home, and settled down in a bed that was made Shocked at my own trauma's of the birth story said to this day A distressed father striking a child, he claimed fate A mother that couldnt move me, cause she rest in the same place Candles heating the room, boiling water to bathe in a sink Wanted him to work, but too scared to say what she thinks At Christmas even the smallest toy was precious to me Asked to write a list, but would never make suggestions ya see Appreciated everything given, knowing the lack of funds Plus not expecting much, made it more special when it actually come Witnessing a father spread over a bed high on weed Wondering whether this was something a child's eyes should see? Would strike randomly leaving us shocked, he was stubborn And im diagnosed with claustrophobia after being locked in cupboard Un explained bruises to teachers, i fell...for the tenth time Mum was too scared to tell the truth during the most tense times Got to of known the truth, reluctantly accepted excuses Started blaming myself, wondering that maybe he correctly abuses? We'd watch in fear as he stole food from our plates Mum went without dinner to feed us, extending our confusing of state humorous side to his violence, a mistake turns to laughter Curled up in bed each night we'd nervously await his departure I still own disturbing mental images of the day he walked The way he broke an entire flat, way he swung, an' the way he talked Everything from broken lamps to glass tables cracked Curled up in the corner with my sister as mum was strangled, whacked Could you handle that?..grabbed the cash an' he headed out A young child disbelieving sights, sat quietly legs now spreading out Partially pleased he was gone, hoping that he'd ever return Hoping that is mum ever found another, she'd be clever and learn Crawling towards us both in the corner, with open arms Wispering she loved us remember the words.."I'll never let u close to harm" Spent the next six months just the three of us coped alone Smiles all around, mum was lonely yet never felt so close to home She missed the cuddles and kisses and the talkin' in pairs Strangely one day she bumped into the man id call dad walkin' the stairs He'd lived there for years yet never crossed her path Went on a few dates a'd grew closer, suddenly she was lost in laughs No takin' the hits, shakin' of fists, or breakin' of wrists Love displayed as it fits, visited bearing the greatest of gifts Nothing expensive, jus' ya typical standard children's toys You'd think they'd cost a mill when you saw a face filled with joy But to afford it all they was pushin' out a job a piece Having to bring in two wage packets, add an extra job for peace Struggled to pay the rent every month, an' filling a table Yet always told us it's fine, convincing 'emselves were willing n able To not be known in the struggle, yet still bathin' in sinks? Staring into the eye's of a mother, reluctant to say she thinks Still remember the day that sacred letter arrived We'd been found a house, could all live better, survive I could be clever, revise reaching all the top levels in school But failed to reach these heights and teachers recite, u aint clever ya fool Spent my time outta the house, met with the wrong crowd Looking back at future actions, realizing they were wrong now Feelin' strong now, saw a way of earning extra money So whilst helping my family, id also be earning respect, it's funny Stood on street corners, smashin' shit n burning fags Provide for my family, giving house keeping earned from bags I'd learn it's bad but only after paying an ultimate price A fight would break in started with fists but soon resulted in knifes Rival street kids, would sneak up surprise us at night Since two divided with knives plus a friend would minus a life Realized my mistakes through the death of a friend Thought flashback of that night i got to accept they never will end And it's the end of an era... -------------  |
Replies:
Posted By: Madeye
Date Posted: 06 July 2008 at 6:03pm
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Damn, Kay...
This had me feelin' the anger within myself, too... 'bout how up-bringings can fuck us up.
But all-in-all... this was dope, mayng.
Imagery was crisp in this...
I could picture all this shit, and how lil' Kay (figuratively speaking) had experienced this...
was pretty deep at points too. Not in a poetic sense, necessarily, but it sure radiated a
certain deepness in emotion.
Impressive, lyrically. Without a doubt.
One ['1] ------------- <font color=darkgray>I'm only offended by those I respect... and I don't respect you[/COLOR] |
Posted By: Kay B
Date Posted: 06 July 2008 at 6:26pm
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Props, thanks for taking the time to read it it's appreciated
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Posted By: DiReCt HiT
Date Posted: 06 July 2008 at 6:30pm
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Very crisp imagery you got going in here.
you cant see everything but the stuff you can see is amazing. props.
lyrically pretty good. flowed nice.
structure is alright, but i think it can be even better,
very impressive if you wanna collab with me sometime ill be glad to
 other than that dope drop,
~keep scribblen. ------------- 
whos next? 2-1-0 last win:I-SEE-GRIPS Last Loss:Sageone |
Posted By: mcwoods
Date Posted: 06 July 2008 at 7:13pm
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hmm, well i feed this on msn, but you'll appreciate it again lol
okay... tha bad stuff... wasnt too much of this lol... again, sometimes im not loving the forced multi, examples "not as bas as it actually seems", .."I'll never let u close to harm", "u aint clever ya fool" they may work, in some opinions, but to me they sound un natural, expecially when you see the multi they are with, sounds a little odd yano, also not as many kay quotables as usual, lines seemed good, but no real / or not alot of thsoe crazy heaters, that make you realy think, which are usually found in a kay piece, also the bit "mistakes turned to laughter" wanst exactly explained, i was expecting an example, kinda left on an edge there, which never became resolved And to me, there wasnt enough "I", i think that was your biggest mistake in the piece, as without this, the real personal edge was left out, i know its you describing past actions, but it was more like you were telling me a story of one of your friends, and not retelling your own actions, yano i.e. "wondering if this was something a childs eyes should see" "experiencing a father beat" "seeing actions disgraceful" etc, the phrase "i was exposed to pain" etc etc, could have gained the piece a more personal edge and thrown you and the reader into the piece, i wouldnt expect many people to catch up on that shiz, but its just something i look out for, for the more personal experience, ya digg? good points... flow was off the sheez, multis where used effectively in 90% of cases, which helped the flow and it just never really went off, always nice and smooth whcih helped the read the piece was personal, as ive said, i would have preferred more of the gang, drugs, violence, teenage years of your life, as we've all read about the childhood / beatings/ stranglings, but the content was hot, good emotion and imagery, focusing in on different details favourite lines had alot to do with poor and enjoying smaller things.. ie... At Christmas even the smallest toy was precious to me Asked to write a list, but would never make suggestions ya see Appreciated everything given, knowing the lack of funds Plus not expecting much, made it more special when it actually come Nothing expensive, jus' ya typical standard children's toys You'd think they'd cost a mill when you saw a face filled with joy that is a heater and makes you think, which is why i liked it, as i do take things for granted, and its interesting for me, to see and read about someone who has harder times yano?.. things on the drug and violence front, where keep a little cryptic and vague, i would have preferred more indepth and examples of this criminal underworld, lol you were exposed to at such a young age, as i am not exactly familiar with it, it would have been interesting to read, about how your friend died, and how you felt, instead of just "minus a life" or whatever, yano? anyways.. the piece was hot, long... but when read it felt pretty short, which is a big compliment, as it wasnt hard to read and some lines made you want to keep going... flow and multis generally where top notch, emotion and depiction of events where good too overall, hot shiz.. |
Posted By: Matt The Ripper
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 9:14am
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I couldn't get all the way through it in one sitting... but what I did read, it was pretty good, yo... Good imagery, good flow. I'll read the rest tommorow, it's like 6 am here... so please don't be offended when I said I couldn't get all the way through! :) Peace! |
Posted By: Kay B
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 10:30am
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Props for the feed everyone Woods, major thanks for the feed (since i think it was longer than the damn open) i see what you mean about not being in depth ect in certain area's to be perfectly honest i WANTED TO and COULD OF gone more into depth but it would of ended up over 200 lines long (the origonal plan was 146 lines long) and lets be honest who bar a few would of actually read it throughly? As for the crime and my friend dyeing, some things are pretty touchy so i avoided going into too much detail for my own reasons (as i stated at the top about leaving some things out) some things are just too personal ya know?..Also im not one to start bragging about any crime iv committed as tbh im not proud of shit i done, but again i see what u mean about it being very brief. On the multi note, i can see how some may appear as forced but to me they come off well and i didn't intentionally force any, the whole more 'I' thing, though this was personal i wanted to take a route where i could have the reader putting themselves in the position of me by not just singling it out as me if that makes sense?..But also highlight at the same time every child that goes through the same or similar situations. Props again on the feed though, and thanks everyone else ------------- |
Posted By: Quintessential
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 11:25am
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Damn...a simple yet fucking powerful piece you got there. The imagery and narrative was spot on. Not too many multis, but was suffice. Flow was on point as well. One of the most moving pieces I have ever read.
------------- Got the style even insomniacs are dreaming of... |
Posted By: Freeda5thDawg
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 1:13pm
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reading this just had a big impact on me...i dunno why, there were similar situations i was able to relate to...and others that left me shock...i read it all like i was reading an actual book, hoping for the bad to soon fade away...i put myself in your position...the imagery helped me imagine just a bit of what your going through in the piece...i also read wood's feedback and disagree that this piece lacked "I"...only because it's called "Autobiography" is where that effects it, but other than that, i'm glad you didn't put too much "I" cause that usually takes away from the effect in the perspective of the reader...usually ends up being repetitive...i also feel the advantage to your approach is, TO ME, it gives the reader a chance to not only put the focus on your character, but allow the reader to imagine a whole different character...the piece allowed us to use our imagination as much as feel for you hardships, and learn about them...i also disagree with the fact that this piece lacked "heaters"...this particular abosuletly didn't need those...you're telling a personal story, and adding little wordplays or punchlines, IMO, takes away from the true emotion your expressing and looks as if your focusing on just the lyrical aspect of it...with that said, the lyricism was great in my eyes...the fact that i was able to read this as a well written story with a "rap" rhythm to it is amazing IMO...i think it was best that the storytelling was the main focus, cause lyrically, there wasn't really any big mistakes, so there was a perfect balance throughout the whole piece...great job man...hope all is well at this point in your life...
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Posted By: mcwoods
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 1:28pm
| yo, i may need a re phrase... i didnt mean heaters, as in punchlines etc.. i mean heaters or just dope lines that kay usually has, that arent necessarily a play or a punch, but just an interesting thought... ya digg?... didn't see a crazy amount of quotables... each to his own, i see what your saying... |
Posted By: Freeda5thDawg
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 1:37pm
aaah, ok... ...
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Posted By: Xperience
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 1:40pm
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no doubt...that shit was fire |
Posted By: Kay B
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 7:33pm
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Thanks free, and its cool woods no need to explain i knew what u meant i personally think alotta the bars i wrote are some of my best, but as u said each to his own Thanks again for the feedback ------------- |
Posted By: Bolo
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 8:05pm
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this was long as FUCK bro...but seemed shorter as i read it (as other ppl have said), and thats a good thing... the story-telling was on point...flow was kinda hard to catch, some of the wording was a lil weird...but the emotion and flow of thought was ever-present, and as that was the main point of the piece, its all that matters... i can't really agree with everyone else in terms of being able to sympathize, however....you seem to only be telling whats happening and what you felt...i mean, thats already more than most ppl can do...but i didn't really feel it as much as i would have liked to...im not trying to downplay your life story or anything, but ive been through everything you wrote about in this piece and more....so i can relate to everything you said...which is why i find it odd that i wasn't able to feel anything...it could also be (not trying to be mean) that those issues (to me) aren't even really worth writing about....anyway man, haha, im rambling now...good drop, great story telling, most of it was worded great...that numbers line (u kno which one) really was hot...tight work man ------------- I am the one that knocks... |
Posted By: Kay B
Date Posted: 07 July 2008 at 8:08pm
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Props, thanks man
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Posted By: ProFound
Date Posted: 08 July 2008 at 4:02pm
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WOW. at first i didnt wana read it cuz it was sooo damn long.. but after a few bars i couldnt stop reading. this shit was personal.. props on posting it up.. lyrically the verse flowed well, good rhymes.. nothin bad i could see.. but as a peice, shit was nuts! i've never been that much interested in a peice before, dope dope dope.. and it surprised me.. i would have never of guessed. a dope peice content wise.. nothin else i can say. props. |
Posted By: Fatal
Date Posted: 08 July 2008 at 6:14pm
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Everyone pretty much said it, but yea this was pretty hot, Kay. I disagree wit a few here, i actually didnt think that the multies were forced. Very discriptive and full of emotion...great drop, kay... ...1 -------------  |
Posted By: Kay B
Date Posted: 08 July 2008 at 7:10pm
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Props, thanks guys
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Posted By: I-kontinue
Date Posted: 09 July 2008 at 4:53pm
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The technique was fluid... You used wording that made the story go through smooth and easy to understand.. while rhyming... So though it was a long written piece, it didn't feel like I was being obligated to go on... I wanted to keep reading.. Good explanation through rhyme... No problems with it really as a written... If it were to go audio, or said aloud, a few lines would have to be shorter to enhance flow, but this piece did it's job for me, and came out as one of the hottest Open Mics I've read in a while. 1
"Since two divided with knives plus a friend would minus a life" Very creative... That line stood out... |
Posted By: Kay B
Date Posted: 09 July 2008 at 6:13pm
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Props, thanks kon
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Posted By: Kay B
Date Posted: 22 July 2008 at 6:19pm
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Anyone else?
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Posted By: Swift Styles
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 4:47pm
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yep. Dope. cant say much more that everyone else already said but i liked it.... for all reasons stated on page one and 2 of this thread
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Posted By: Ace TexT
Date Posted: 23 July 2008 at 6:18pm
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deepest shit i read since nas' "one mic"....or waynes "hustla musik".....deep shit ------------- Out To Be Number One,Ace,Uno In LA This Is The Beginning FOR NoSy MuthAfuCkas Im 16 StIlL KiLlIn EM' SoFtLy/ YoUnGesT DoIn It, U KaNt CoMpaRe Me 2 PoInT BlAnK AT ALL B!/ |
Posted By: Mr E
Date Posted: 30 July 2008 at 1:09pm
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^^how the fuck is hustla musik some of the deepest shit u read... smfh
liked the verse no matter how loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong it was. some multis were forced but u managed to keep it one big verse instead of it turning into a plain story, which is actually quite hard when its personal and slightly longer than my floppy penis. nice shit. |
Posted By: 2smooth
Date Posted: 01 August 2008 at 9:11pm
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damn kay, shit was dope kid... as ikon pointed out, the knives bar was illlllllll...
the whole verse was on point... flow was tight pretty much the entire way through, stuck to the verse/ story very well while keepin' it rhymin'... prolly one of, if not THE best verses i've seen from you man... very nice drop, keep it up
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Posted By: Rameez
Date Posted: 02 August 2008 at 11:38am
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yeah jus read it all.. even though it was long but it kept becoming interesting after reading each line.. the setup of the story was good.. U kept your lines simple and clear.. the flow was tight enough to make an audio version.. didn't find any line forced.. ya yo best piece so far.. keep it up the good work.. those personal stuff helps alot to write consistent and constructive verse.. ------------- 
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Posted By: SageOne
Date Posted: 03 August 2008 at 5:26pm
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Dope drop kay. Particularly long, but since I aint been around I guess I owe it to myself to read a long open. Really dope lines and your vocab is always on point partner. It stuck through consistantly throughout, even though it was really long...that's a hard move to pull off but you did your thing kay...proud of you fam. Props.. Dinastiya always holdin' it down. HOLLA! |
Posted By: loomy
Date Posted: 03 August 2008 at 6:51pm
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wow kay, pretty intense.. i was at the edge of my seat..good verse sick flow multis werent really needed it stuck together well structure was good so all in all a sick verse fav lines: Would strike randomly leaving us shocked, he was stubborn And im diagnosed with claustrophobia after being locked in cupboard ------------- Loomy the mastamind |