Wrecked Relationship
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=24635
Printed Date: 27 March 2026 at 6:40am
Topic: Wrecked Relationship
Posted By: J504
Subject: Wrecked Relationship
Date Posted: 11 April 2013 at 5:53pm
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No more swerves. This time, just honesty.... Heard that song on the radio, thought about old times Words make more sense now, got me followin' those lines My mind drifts to our day, I'd say the pleasures were so fine Like even the bad times hold treasure like gold mines Cos we kissed n made up the whole night we stayed up Bodies intertwined like hair you'd braid up Tho I couldn't say "love"- besides it's not like I knew it I'd never had hurt you if I wasn't influenced no excuses tho, I blew it - I'm not here to soften blows I'm here to reveal this side of me that I didn't often show When you decided to leave, I see I was dumb n naive I never really thought of you as something I'd need Too much anger inside's why I'd grit my teeth Another one hit magician with too many tricks up my sleeve look at me now, all grown up and I won't budge I only tortured the world then cos I wasn't shown love You got in my way, (sorry) even though it's too late to say it Don't know why I took this long and why I'd delay it Hate to sound cliche' but can we make one last moment ours? I know I made you wait for ages, but this time I brought you flowers  |
Replies:
Posted By: Exoduzt
Date Posted: 11 April 2013 at 6:18pm
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Damn this was deep J...Seems like this might have some real personal emotion. Thats how it came off to me at least...I love the fact that there's so many different sides to your pieces....extremely diverse writer... "Cos we kissed n made up the whole night we stayed up Bodies intertwined like hair you'd braid up"---so simple yet complex at the same time "I'd never had hurt you if I wasn't influenced no excuses tho, I blew it - I'm not here to soften blows I'm here to reveal this side of me that I didn't often show"---the writing is just so smooth its like your just having a normal conversation... Too much anger inside's why I'd grit my teeth Another one hit magician with too many tricks up my sleeve---haha this was dope i liked this line "I know I made you wait for ages, but this time I brought you flowers"----talk about flippin the script...I loved how you put the picture at the bottom to play off your closing line... classy J -------------  |
Posted By: J504
Date Posted: 11 April 2013 at 8:45pm
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Preciate the looks, Ex. I definitely wanted to go with a more realistic honest verse. I didn't want it to be abstract, but there is an underlying theme. I wanted to see if people would feel it. I feel like I been to repetitive lately, I wanna try different stuff. |
Posted By: Jams
Date Posted: 11 April 2013 at 9:22pm
very good drop start to finish.. you can feel the emotion, flow was on point and anyone could rap it aloud and it would go smooth the whole way...I like these type of reads the most, a lot of originality
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J504 wrote:Posted By: spume corrupt
Date Posted: 11 April 2013 at 10:53pm
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Oh man you fuckin genius That picture just threw me right out..............Damn i'm a fan Loved them nice words you started with bro you really made this shitt feel real -------------  |
Posted By: J504
Date Posted: 12 April 2013 at 7:30pm
| Preciate it fam, good on the looks on all my stuff lately. |
Posted By: Kosmosis
Date Posted: 12 April 2013 at 8:30pm
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Cuz I wasnt shown love.....good insight. I feel like there is something deeper here.....at first I thought it was your dad....but then I thought it was your dreams...idk...am I way off? ------------- Receiving backhanded compliments from Orion since 11-28-13. |
Posted By: J504
Date Posted: 12 April 2013 at 9:05pm
| Good on the looks, Kosmo. Still way off on the meaning though. |
Posted By: BIG GAME
Date Posted: 12 April 2013 at 10:50pm
 Genuis |
Posted By: CHAIN
Date Posted: 14 April 2013 at 6:16pm
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This was probably my 5th time reading it. Feeding when youre on the phone is a hassle. The dumb and naive/something id see line stood out to me. The meaning/the flow/the multi, it all came together nicely. Really enjoyed this one. and thats real. ------------- |
Posted By: Phenomena
Date Posted: 16 April 2013 at 9:38am
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no you're not a fucking genius. people love to dickride on this site. Chain if you really read it 5 times why didn't you leave more detailed feedback if it was that powerful a verse to you. without question, a good drop. Great flow, you paint a vivid image - which is a skill most textcee's lack. Good use of multi s here and there. "no excuses tho, I blew it - I'm not here to soften blows I'm here to reveal this side of me that I didn't often show When you decided to leave, I see I was dumb n naive I never really thought of you as something I'd need Too much anger inside's why I'd grit my teeth Another one hit magician with too many tricks up my sleeve" loved this part of the verse in particular. good work, but i'm not calling you a genius because i'm not dickriding you like the above. I however agree with what exod had to say. - a lot of emotion went into this piece (it seems) which is what makes this verse. Well done. I have no constructive criticism to give you since most of this/if not all of this was on point and well written in my opinion. Only thing i might add is that you could have made it longer - however downside of long pieces is that few actually read the whole thing. anyway good work. ------------- 0.0001 > God |
Posted By: J504
Date Posted: 16 April 2013 at 4:08pm
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Preciate it, Phen. Keepin it 100 with ya tho, CHAIN is far from a rider of mine. If ya peep some of my older verses, dude was harsh on me. He's also the first dude on ere to PM me to discuss something I said that he wasn't feelin. I'm cool with all feed, all of it helps me grow. Genius really is a subjective term and I know I'm far from where I want to be as a writer. For instance didn't anybody even catch that the narrarator in this verse is speaking to his former lover that he killed while driving drunk? Clues to the wreck are all through the verse and even the title but nobody said "I get it" yet. My goal is to be able to connect like that and trust, I know I'm far from it. Much appreciated on the detailed feed and I agree I am no genius. |