Threw My Eyes
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=28033
Printed Date: 27 March 2026 at 2:14am
Topic: Threw My Eyes
Posted By: The VersaFire
Subject: Threw My Eyes
Date Posted: 07 November 2013 at 9:43pm
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It's a throw away but all feedback is accepted and appreciated Yo, Every person bein friendly is a long shot Cuz hatred and jealousy spreads like Smallpox If U touch me or my Fam i'll get mad to But that's it, I only fight if I have to Some niggas never want any change and thats scary Juss wanna be associated wit pussy like jerry Me and my niggas, was born wit a low hand like Lindsey But we still tryna move up like Sherman Hemsley I see terrible things when I turn on the News Killin yo own brother over some new shoes The shackles that have my people are strong as ever Scold you if you buy books, Praise you if you buy barrettes Feeding you lies, and most of you guys is listenin Im shootin for the truth and I swear I ain't missin It's a blessin, I learned my lessons, at adolesences Take my message, may god be with you threw yo Transgressions
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Replies:
Posted By: Freeda5thDawg
Date Posted: 07 November 2013 at 10:01pm
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I liked this one much better for the fact that you touched on more subjects that worked well being talked about together and there was a clear message especially at the end that really carries meaning that the reader could take with them. I'm not knocking on the self-hype pieces at all because I dabble in that as well...sometimes it's cool to be competitive or simply display skill as long as it's done creatively. I think the most powerful work from a writer is when they're putting out something that holds more meaning beyond that so this piece I enjoyed more. I think as you write more, your punchlines and plays will become much more effective...I liked your sense of wordplay here...more hit than miss, and I could see you quickly improving in that as well. Keep at it, man. -------------  |
Posted By: The VersaFire
Date Posted: 07 November 2013 at 10:04pm
Good looks yo, Will do
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Freeda5thDawg wrote:Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 08 November 2013 at 10:16am
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Where?! ------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: The VersaFire
Date Posted: 08 November 2013 at 2:23pm
what?
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Posted By: -Orion-
Date Posted: 09 November 2013 at 12:20am
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Where did you throw your eyes (The word is through) (I don't usually do that kind of shit but this one made me laugh so I thought what the hell) ------------- They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
Posted By: Dougysnuggy
Date Posted: 09 November 2013 at 12:22am
| Lmao... |
Posted By: The VersaFire
Date Posted: 09 November 2013 at 12:23am
Damn I did fuck up lol
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