im feeling my face, sweat runnin in beads like a nunnery race

i know its silly, but brother i prayed, prayed for summin to change

someone to blame?.. tension couples fear like sams summer of hate

my disgruntled face like thunder, stubble grain, eyes like slate 

Dope.......Really feeling how this has started........got me hooked and intrigued as to whats coming next

heads sky high, up in the clouds.. inflated like monies in kuwait

all my dreams are gone now, they suddenly fade away or crumble mate

subtly slain, or made to dust, by a reality trickier than a Russian gun game

the water before me's burning, it holds a innate fear like flames 

as it brakes into miniature waves an relays back my murky reflection

but it could never quite capture my crude earthly apprehensions

theres a question cemented in my head, in huge, inconceivable dimensions

relentless, i feel it on the wind of every word i dare to mention

Just further setting the scene here....Some cool and vivid imagery...perhaps not the strongest set with regards to the rhyming in this piece......(ending a line in "mate" always feels a bit forced) but still some nice shitt here

demented, cause it follows me, and honestly, this is probably front

but for just a moment.. im given the courage... to jump...

Ha Ha so this is where you plant the seed!!! I see you man

shes been my world since day one, 

it was like a rebirth

i could never have pictured a time 

where i would leave her

we'd flirt, we'd fuck, and then 

she'd wear my t-shirt

never argued, she was too pretty.. 

i could never be stern

cause she'd turn, 

flick her hair an smile, 

an end up with her knees burnt

at first i even felt at peace with me 

jus cause we worked

and well, we both fell into love... 

feet first..

Dope set here.........Really nice rhythmic feel to it

my shadowy figure, hit the water in a fit of torture, limbs as stiff as riga mortis

it split like quarters, an welcomed me into a world i only know from short clips

of attenbrough visitin orca's... but my only thought is.. your a corpse kid

im flooded with discouragin images as vivid as any authors have ever drawn in

nauseous, at war with the forces, im so different from your normal snorklers, 

not equipped for it, my thoughts are awkward raw things.. i consider an awful forfeit

my hearts fightin my head, this is mad, not me, instead im normally cautious

sick rises in my throat, an hangs itself.. i try to remember why im doing all this

i sink like a bemuda boat, lookin up for help, but that does nothing to reinforce it,  

as im fallin deeper into the darkness, all i could think, on the life of my daughter, 

was this old quote from chaucer

Keeping it really tight here............rhymes and  vocab on point........AllKinda stuff you can only appreciate fully on the second read coming thru here............Dope

"Then you compared a woman's love to Hell, 

To barren land where water will not dwell, 

And you compared it to a quenchless fire, 

The more it burns the more is its desire 

To burn up everything that burnt can be. 

You say that just as worms destroy a tree 

A wife destroys her husband and contrives, 

As husbands know, the ruin of their lives"

Lol you just trew that quote in there and bounced off it nice........it really worked well

i dont sleep...

cause tomorrow comes a little later when you waitin for it

i feel a little out of place, in the cold, like a vagrant foreign

swimming down shit creek im forever chasing torrents

this whole situation.. me and her.. its tasting horrid

Shitt man that set was dope as fuck.......Killing this piece with the rhymes here

an i feel vacant for it, withering, like im laced with agent orange

iv been patient, course its tough when shes such a head fuck

i know iv been a little distant lately, we aint said much

an you been out a lot, yeah i shout alot, maybe i aint worthy

i guess if we made it stop, youd be better off.. would it hurt me?

personally, i cant think of anything worse, youd prolly call me selfish

but i figure thered be a element thats selfless, if you felt this

i figure youd get me better.. i need to go... 

i need to write that letter..

its shadow sinks into the dark, making light of the spectrum

the perfectully formed hunter, it expects you wet through, respect em

its eyes menacing, its teeth cuttin water.. it considers kids tasters 

with its viscous skin weaved into a neat patchwork of little razors

toppin the food chain, cuz, move, cause it'll be you maimed

as tough as it is deadly, there aint another in its class man

you better pray, that you never fall into a shark tank...

Shark tank........I think I know where your going with that

its silhoutte slithers, 

an never stops, 

i quiver an fret, 

see its path is never blocked

its head large, the ultimate threat, 

its jaws forever cocked

ready to strike an dismember, 

I stop, ready to die, i sink 

they slink through the shadows

race past me to fast to catch a real glimpse

i turn only to see darkenin fins

I stiffen up, an feel the weight of the water

feel em brush at my toes

im a lamb to the slaughter,

and its then

its then that i saw her..

I saw her bangin her fists at the glass, mouthing my name

even in the deep water, i feel the sound reverbrate 

but i swam down all the same, ignoring the shark fins

i hovered close to her, untill only by glass was we parted

I could see her fear, tho mine had passed, i jus smiled an sank

while i pressed a laminated note on the side of the tank...

as she reads tears come to her eyes, an streamed out ephatically...

Its a great piece of writing man...........well done with this one it kept me entertained and I really like how you played the last bit out.........."Will you marry me" Thats some real subtle shitt.............Skills on this one F.OFF

To the piece itself, although you weren't a fan of this topic you fucking rocked it. The second way this hit home with me was because through the first 3 quarters of the verse it seemed like you were speaking on the relationship negatively and I'm goin through some of that shit too. The way you interwove the two themes throughout, going back and forth between the two, was really well thought out. That ending caught me off guard and really switched my view on the whole verse in a good way. Really great execution, props on a very solid drop 

as it brakes into miniature waves an relays back my murky reflection

but it could never quite capture my crude earthly apprehensions

theres a question cemented in my head, in huge, inconceivable dimensions

relentless, i feel it on the wind of every word i dare to mention

demented, cause it follows me, and honestly, this is probably front

but for just a moment.. im given the courage... to jump..."---wow I was feeling the way you ended this section.  very nice FO

your vocab usage in this drop was top notch in my opinion.  The story seemed to drift away from me in some parts but overall it did hold together pretty nicely.

another dope drop FO...we need to get on a collab soon

1, is that you don't drop shit, until you KNOW you have a winner. No warning shots, no little experiments, no 'i just fancied dropping something'.. Whenever I see a piece from you, I know it's been a calculated move. 

The second, is that because I was one of your first major interactions on here, I distinctly remember your skill level when you joined. And you elevation has been unbelievable. It shows what can be done with persistence and creativity. 

Back on to the piece.. 

First off, that first line, was one of the dopest plays i've seen in a while. Utter props for that beauty. 

The rest of the piece went from there, and teased the reader perfectly with the content and flow switches. Those little breakdowns could've stood on their own to be honest, so poetic. Then you'd just effortlessly go back to the hard bars. 

I can't think of any criticisms for this. Seriously, well done.