A Hard Day's Work
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Emcee Lounge
Forum Name: Open Mic
Forum Description: This isnt a Battle Board, this is for your Freestyle Verses to be Rated by other members.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=30481
Printed Date: 27 March 2026 at 2:14am
Topic: A Hard Day's Work
Posted By: Zinaii
Subject: A Hard Day's Work
Date Posted: 04 February 2014 at 6:13am
 On my shift i walk the corridors, each room i view accordingly I walk wide leg, and yank on my belt to reassure my authority Uniform orderly, badge blinging trouser crease could split hairs Radio in to the boss *10-4 my way everything looks clear* Its been a good year, no action but iim waitn for a chance to shine I got a flashlight a hundred watts that could fry ants alive Minimum wage to keep criminals away so dont double cross me But i make up with incentives im paid in donuts and coffee Did my hourly round after fighting with a flooded commode They need to fix it; cuz when my stomachs got the bubbles i GO Whistling tunes as i walk; spinning my keys on my index "Hmmm something smells fishy and not my unwashed brim sweat" I spin left; see a guy with a badge and a hood walking fast as he culd "Hey! Where are you coming from!" he made a dash on foot "Perp! Perp!" I scream while trying to keep up with this thug Hyperventilating, feels like sumones got a knife stuck in my lung Saw a bottle of pills spilled all over the floor; i had only one thought Hes stealing prescription pills; this guys prolly stolen alot I burst through the front door; and catch one last glimpse of the theif *perp got away perp got away!* well; shit the cops'll get him at least I gotta sit down a second; my body aches from tryna run my mind is numb *watch beeps* oh just in time for lunch! |
Replies:
Posted By: RedNosePit
Date Posted: 04 February 2014 at 8:36am
Co
That whole last bit was a good bit... Maybe not the most technical but closed the story strong. That closer was perfect. This whole concept is surprisingly not something I've personally seen done before so it came off pretty fresh. The only negatives I seen were the forced clear/hair rhyme and sometimes you misspelled words.. Altogether very very minor. I mean almost everybody has a mistake or two. I enjoyed this drop very much. I think you should do a cops n robbers sort of concept man. Be dope. Appreciate the feed too. -------------  |
Zinaii wrote:Posted By: Zinaii
Date Posted: 05 February 2014 at 12:15am
| Kick push |
Posted By: Titu
Date Posted: 05 February 2014 at 12:37am
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A good drop overall bro. Good to see you getting active in OMs. Starting was really good and story line was really interesting. Flow was decent. Personally, I liked the opening and closing the most... Props on this entertaining read. ------------- Fuck That Fat smelly cunt Donald Trump, a racist asshole who is fucked in the head. |
Posted By: Exoduzt
Date Posted: 05 February 2014 at 12:53am
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the pic is hilarious...fuck yeah Zin...I dont know about the other people who responded to this but this was sick...I love how there is a REAL up and coming topical head on the site...for real it makes me happy to see its not a lost art in the mix between a bunch of name flips and noob battles... I loved how you opened it up with the opening bars.. flow was smooth and set it up nicely. Its been a good year, no action but iim waitn for a chance to shine I got a flashlight a hundred watts that could fry ants alive---see thats what its about rite there...you getting this topical thing way too quickly haha..good for you Zin "Whistling tunes as i walk; spinning my keys on my index"--this line alone shows you have a real skill for topical....good for you "Hmmm something smells fishy and not my unwashed brim sweat" I spin left; see a guy with a badge and a hood walking fast as he culd "Hey! Where are you coming from!" he made a dash on foot "Perp! Perp!" I scream while trying to keep up with this thug Hyperventilating, feels like sumones got a knife stuck in my lung Saw a bottle of pills spilled all over the floor; i had only one thought Hes stealing prescription pills; this guys prolly stolen alot---this whole part rite here could of been worded better..for real...you are nailing the imagery and the concept but work on the execution in this section...you have the rite ideas Zin I gotta sit down a second; my body aches from tryna run my mind is numb *watch beeps* oh just in time for lunch!---haha you picked it up here in the end again...you killed it Zin...your the next up and coming topical writer...good for you -------------  |
Posted By: Zinaii
Date Posted: 14 February 2014 at 2:03am
| *whispers* pssssst. Bump |
Posted By: JBrenn
Date Posted: 14 February 2014 at 10:36am
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EXO hit this.... Zin you got topical skills... hope everyone keeps and eye open for more of your drops cause i feel like you are an underrated writer!!! -------------  |
Posted By: Trizzy Tre
Date Posted: 15 February 2014 at 6:18pm
LOL!!
Zin this verse was honestly outstanding in many aspects dude. First off the flow was spot on from top to bottom which kept is as a nice smooth read through out. The storyline itself was fucking priceless!! As I was reading I was thinking to myself how is this fat fuck going to end this? LOL You really pulled me in to keep reading. The beginning was funny as shit, but the closing bar was a great way to tie this all up...
Well done. -------------  |
Posted By: TAM 218
Date Posted: 17 February 2014 at 7:02am
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lol lol, before i went into the verse i fucking lol'd at that pic, that's a dope one. now the verse is super dope man and fucking hilarious too, this was a good read, the flow was spot on, i could just imagine the scenery as i read on.... keep it high zin |
Posted By: Brotha Goose
Date Posted: 18 February 2014 at 10:39am
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HAHAHA! Damn my dude, this came out niice! Kept me interested and laughing throughout. Luved the pic too, I think ya just about nailed the day to day routine of every lard ass mall cop on the planet! Great read Zin, yur topical skills are come'n along nicely brethren ------------- 
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Posted By: IZIAH
Date Posted: 18 February 2014 at 7:51pm
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lol, fucking good man. flow was good, and nice multis! stay up fam ------------- ~Insight The Inspired~ |
Posted By: levy420
Date Posted: 19 February 2014 at 8:04am
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This was solid zin that doughnuts an coffee line had me rolling you should do more topicals stay up homie -------------  |