HW Topical (Rd 1) - Ill v Scoot
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Tournament Boards
Forum Name: Heat Wave
Forum Description: A summer tournament featuring Text, Audio, Topical and Tag Team events.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=40181
Printed Date: 27 March 2026 at 6:27am
Topic: HW Topical (Rd 1) - Ill v Scoot
Posted By: Cuba
Subject: HW Topical (Rd 1) - Ill v Scoot
Date Posted: 23 July 2015 at 6:40pm
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Storyteller round - This round will be aimed at "story" topics, forcing you to make the most of your 16 lines Battle B "Storyteller Battle": Story of an Idea: Tell a story of an idea that would change the world, the idea can be yours or someone else's. Best of 3 votes from JUDGES ------------- 
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Replies:
Posted By: Cuba
Date Posted: 23 July 2015 at 6:41pm
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Ill I just want an extra 30 seconds to your life What I would say in the message to my wife To be in her beautiful presence ever bright Our kids to see their mom before ascending to the light An embrace so passionate lessening the fright The last good-byes, the last good cries The last words we wish were expressed better right? Create connection that telepathy ignites Our loved ones soul to see their eventually alright Fearing the unknown, even the Heavenly & Christ Reassuring my Angel checking in on me at night Though we’re crying we feel full, thanks to chemistry & flight Mentally a fight to redistribute the energy to a spike It connects us one last time for being genetically alike That moment changed our family forever in a swipe Just for having an extra 30 seconds to your life -------------
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Posted By: Cuba
Date Posted: 23 July 2015 at 6:41pm
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Scoot aka Scotty --- (Self) Driving The Future --- luddite's terror produced anonymous fear now panic's severe for autonomous gear lacking control and mans destroyed role people console at vehicles devoid of soul advancements obstruction from crazy's induction Death and destruction guaranteed from lazy's seduction But Google made sci-fi a reality, removed the leathality Roads free from brutality, we regained our humanity Electrical propulsion cleaned up city polution Fear and confusion reduced to silly delusion The Middle East found peace, with oil's decrease And Earth's release from it's climate disease Free to surf n tweet from behind the drivers seat We're happy to rise n greet without lies n deceit Hatred drowned and happiness bound the world around the futures profound, now utopia's been found -------------
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Posted By: Exoduzt
Date Posted: 28 July 2015 at 6:13pm
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Ill: I feel like this is how I would of approached a topic like this. You brought out the emotional side to a very broad and interesting topic. I really liked your approach to this. After the first time I read it I felt some of your words were missed placed and threw your flow off. But after re reading it a couple times I realized I was wrong. I liked the technique you used. From telepathy ignites to genetically alike was your stand out part in my opinion. very well written. Overall I feel you pretty much nailed this topic. I feel the story you came up with was absolutely perfect. Great idea Scoots: OK Scoots. This was a really nice drop from you. The way you approached this topic was pretty cool and creative. One of your stronger aspects is your extensive vocab. Top notch. You also mixed it in with a flow that was fluid in certain sections. Other sections however needed some polishing. But one part that I thought was great was your crazy induction lazys seduction part. good writing rite there scoots. After rereading your verse a few more times the more and more I was loving your idea for this verse. It was extremely creative and well thought out. MVGT: Ill...Im basing my vote off the fact that Ill had this raw emotion in his story. That's what I am a huge fan of. In all honesty I think this battle was a lot closer than anyone thought it was gonna be since Ill is a top writer and scoots barely drops. Nice job Ill and Scoots you should be proud of your verse. -------------  |
Posted By: Zinaii
Date Posted: 29 July 2015 at 7:43pm
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This was a pretty good battle right here. I am thoroughly entertained. Day; you nailed the story; you stepped right up to the topic delivered flawlessly flow wise and finished it nicely. My only complaint (and im nitpicking) is that it was somewhat bland. The story cruised along well almost on autopilot; and with the same multi being used with no twist or anything at the end it kinda takes the excitement out of the verse.Still an above average verse none the less and there wasn't a lot of leeway to develop a story here so I took that into account to while i was reading. Either way good drop Scoot Now this story was interesting too read I enjoyed it. FLow wise it could be polished in a few places; take a word or two out here or add in an extra word but nothing that hurts the verse overall. Now in terms of the actual story I liked how in the opening bars you kind of broadly explained the negative effects of technology; but then right at the google line you changed it up and described this new world where everything is better. That twist suprised me as I thought you were going to keep talking about the negatives of it. Comparing the two verses this is unbelievably hard to judge. Ill has the flow with a less stellar story and I think Scoot has the better story with less mechanical precision then ill had. I think Scoot edges this out I just thought he had a more entertaining story; it was a little more risky and outside of the box. Ill you had a good story but it didnt catch my attention like scoots did. Good battle by both and stay up |
Posted By: Nigma
Date Posted: 06 August 2015 at 12:49am
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Ill - Brought you standard expected level of technicality. Multis nice, end rhymes nice, did some nifty little things throughout to enhance the flow. Content stayed true to your intention however it's relation to the topic came in waves. It was a powerful, but misdirected in my opinion. Not a bad verse by any means but would have shined more to me had I read it in the OM without the topic restriction Scoot - I liked the artistic value in your title. That combined with your first couplet got the verse moving along nicely. Haven't read many topicals from you yet but found your technicality to be erred on the side of safety. Nothing fancy but the solid end rhymes drive the verse along. You took a straight line approach at the topic in terms of content. It had depth in terms of thought value per line but the verse as a whole lacked direction and hard hitting lines. It was a good safe play verse. I'd assume the lack of votes on this battle is due the conundrum I'm now facing. Ill with technicality definitely, some of his verse came across too abstract and open to interpretation in my opinion. Built on his verse but not in line with the topic. Scotty was on topic throughout, and even though his mechanics were trumped they were not so bad as to hold his verse back. Which leads me to.... +1 Scotty so he won't ban me. And for all the other stuff I said -------------  |
Posted By: Cuba
Date Posted: 06 August 2015 at 8:00pm
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Concretes vote, submitted to me via PM... Aight, this was a good and close battle. Ill, I think you nailed it as far as coming up for a really profound narrative is concerned. Had to read it a couple of times to get the layers you set up in the short story. Nice and strong emotional build up in the first half that felt intriguingly depressive. Progressing further on to some interesting bars here: Though we’re crying we feel full, thanks to chemistry & flight Mentally a fight to redistribute the energy to a spike It connects us one last time for being genetically alike Now, I get the jist of it, however for the sake of the seemingly intricate story this should have been more fleshed out. I know this was only 16 line limit battle, but damn it, it would have been really cool to see a more complete version of this in an independent OM drop. Technically it was all good and sound, flowed smooth and rhymed elegant enough for me. Scoot, very similar structure to Ill but with a whole different approach to the subject. Perhaps your take on it suits the given line lenght better, as it works as a more reflective piece. Not as emotionally captivating as your opponent but bar for bar this was pretty tight I must say. I also think your vivid use of imagery was slightly more slick and more according to the given topic. No specific quotables, the entire verse was pretty consistent. This one is really hard to judge I must admit, you both did your thing pretty, pretty good damn in accordancing to your interpretations. I'll guess I have to go with who's intepretation I dug the most, and here at the end of the day I'll go with Scoots version. Imma blatant sucker for dystopian themes and I think he managed to convey that presence pretty well. Ill did a really good job tho, would like to see him expand his verse and do it more justice later on. -------------
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Posted By: Cuba
Date Posted: 06 August 2015 at 8:02pm
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Scoots pulls off the biggest shock of the tournament and eliminates Ill to progress to round 2...and would've done so even in a "best of 5" scenario with Concretes vote. -------------
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