First bar was dope, the solace reference really complimented the sunny side of that picture well and started the verse off on a good note. Later it in the verse it felt as like you sacrificed flow for content pretty heavily. Even though your scheme got stale it still delivered the message. The bar you had in the middle added to the mysterious characters perspective. Last stanza offers a more direct analysis and evidence of social awareness. ‘Ducts too dirty for tears” bar was my favorite in the verse. Ended on a strong note. Solid entry!

First off before reading anything I wanted to say I love the title. I liked the flowing in time wording in the first line, strong start. Didnt really get the cypher reference and felt the wording in the hither line was very unnatural. The middle three stanzas had some cool ideas for references but I feel like you overdid it on the statementish descriptions and could have used some of those lines to progress deeper another areas. I took from this that the more pleasant references were set to the sunny side and the darker and more rigid ones from the opposing shitstorm side. Felt you did a good job staying on topic but that you could have gone a little deeper and been more clear with your meaning.

AshleyKaos - The Haunted Willow

Nailed the opener. First line was a naturally worded deep thought that depicted both the dark and light aspects. The follow up line also had a balance of creation/anger which could arguably describe the picture as well. Even a subtle multi in the 2nd line. Well done. Reading forward you continue to do a good job bouncing back and forth with references. I feel you got a little care free with content selection mid way through and could have put some more thought behind lines like “We will become wise overtime”. The painting palletes line was a little wordy but I really liked the imagery I got from it. Overall I’m really impressed with this verse. The closer really kind of put the verse into perspective in that the haunted tree is the sum of good and evil. A few issues with your flow and mechanics throughout that could have been polished but conceptually, you nailed it.

Hello Romeo. The first bar made the verse easy to get into. First line was particularly well written. The concept behind day surrendering to night and comparing that to life and death was pretty cool. Very nice way to set the pace. Your personification of leaves taking flight when depressed was also a creative concept.  I really hated the ‘just for your breath’ wording in the following line as it came across very forced and unnatural. I liked the last bar of the stanza with how you picked up the technicality while maintaining content pertinent to the picture. Beginning of the second stanza , similiar to the first, did an outstanding job summarizing both the picture and your angle at the verse. The ending bars didn’t hit it out of the park but it still left the verse on a good note. Would be nice to have seen a more advanced rhyme scheme earlier on however your content made up for it. Made a solid impact in short amount of time, well done.

Hey man? How’s it going? I know you can’t respond so I’m going to assume you are well and carry on. This was an above average piece even though I think you jacked the concept from an old VM collab.. Jokes aside, this was really well done. Very good call to use the circular effect of the seasons cycle to structure your verse around. Your style of vivid word choice, solid end rhymes, and solid transitions buttered up the read with many standout one liners throughout. Like most top tier verses, your went out with a bang. That single one liner both summerized a subtle feature of the picture and simaltaneously summed the topic and your angle at it. Excellent use of your lines to work out a well rounded verse.

Oh boy, I’d compare my level of excitement seeing you compete in this to your hypothetical level of excitement seeing David Cameron suit up for Man U. On to the verse! I disliked your opening line. It’s tied for the most important line in the entire verse and through critical eyes, it should lack flaw. What I disliked about your line is how unnatural it was. “From day one transformed” sounds awkward. Now that the biggest reoccuring criticism is out of the way we can move on to happier things. I loved your approach to the topic. I feel the deity perspective both applied to the topic and had a nifty metaphorical feel to your role on the site. Overall it was a consistent verse. I enjoyed it’s allusions to religion and social awareness. It’s downfalls being the unnatural wording of many lines, as well as a lack of standout lines or sections. The later isn’t always a detriment to a verse, but a couple of lines that had some heavy impact would have really helped you out. You did hold true to the topical style you are carving for yourself, a subtle to-the-point approach with the slow and steady pace of a 70 year old women driving down the road 10km/h below the speed limit and hands at 10 and 2. Hope to see you submit something next month as you do seem to be improving with every verse.

I’m a fan of the way you write, in that I appreciate the wordplay and exact end rhymes. Your mechanics are literary device usage are your strongpoint. You’ve demonstrated you have the necessary to be a writer of impact. What you didn’t succeed is doing is using those tools to really build something. It was a cool read, but in a competitive atmosphere such as this you’ve really got to take a step beyond this as I’m sure you can understand by reading some of these other verses. It’s good to see some new blood throw their hat in the ring, I look forward to seeing your progression in the future.

This was a very unique stab at the topic. Creative angle that only alludes to the picture, but does so at relating to it’s core points so first off, I really liked your approach. Opening bar caught my interest and the limited size kept it enjoyable all the way through. Enjoyed the underlaying extended metaphors about finding yourself. Felt your wordplay was a stretched when you used it. The aura line was a miss for me, and although the broadband attempt was a step in the right direction, it didn’t fully connect either. Despite lacking the depth of other enteries, I feel this is one of the better OM’s I’ve read from you. Keeping it at a shorter length served as a strength for this piece.

Before reading a word, I really like the title and it’s relation to the picture. This was a unique piece. Content was cool, but this was overall a little too poetic for my tastebuds. You packed a lot of vivid content into every line, but did so at the sacrifice of mechanics, most notably technicality and consistency. For example, the majority of lines came with a minimum of rhyming couplets, however you also had a few lines that were by themselves which adds dissonance to the verses fluidity. I enjoyed this as much as I could for a verse with single syllable end rhymes, and that was due to strong content and an interesting angle at the picture.

Exo doing Exo like only Exo can do Exo. Cool way of bridging a topic of limited meaning to a life event that means everything to you right now. We’ve talked in the past about the key to writing being half fiction and half non-fiction and I feel there is more honesty put into this one than usual. A few things mechanically stood out to me, if I were to be a nitpicky sunova bitch (which I plan on being). Your flow was butter in the into section, the phrase ‘pure bottom’ seemed kinda awkward, but the major thing I didn’t liked is how you switched your rhymescheme up on uneven numbered lines. They say rhythm is derived from the number 4. Couplets give balance. I realize size limitation play a part in that but yeah, that’s the only reocurring flaw that stuck out to me. Content on point, very nice submission.

Another interesting take on the topic. First thing I noticed, this was an entire verse without a dick reference… Did you bite this? Was a cool piece of writing, mechanics were on point at a high level of consistency, saw a few words I would have removed to polish the flow but for the most part you nailed it technically. Content had it’s level of interest value, but my biggest gripe with the verse, from a judges perspective it only attacked the topic at face value, and only offered a barrage of different images and concepts that didn’t really build on eachther or relate to one another in an all-encompassing sort of way. I enjoyed from the verse, but in a competitive light it had some holes.

As I’ve read this last, I can honestly say that this verse had the most enjoyable visuals this month. Content wise you are rust free my friend. Mechanics were refreshingly different and very consistent. Many stand out sections throughout this and I feel like your strongest attribute was the interesting references laced into it. The only thing this lacked, and what set you apart from the verse I’ve chosen as the winner, is something that really brought the whole thing together. If I got that feeling of overall ‘completeness’ at the end of it this theres a good chance you would have been victor. Nice to read something from you again

Runner Up

For reasons stated above, POINT BLANK secured the runner up position with a strong visual piece with a very refined and technical approach and some very nice references and relations to the picture.

This months winner was a hard choice to make, having some of the honorable mentions being strong contenders as well. The deciding factor for me was choosing the verse with the most complete feel to it, and this month that was my chess and stock tutor, army squad mate, and fellow mod THE LAW.

Honorable Mentions

I’d like to give a special shoutout to Neek and Exo high calibre verses, and I could go on and on but I’ll give the rest of you something to work towards.

Congratulations once again to The Law for a very strong verse. This months topics will be picked by Exoduzt and will be up in the near future.