[BL3] Nigma (c) -vs- Endeavor [5-3]
Printed From: Lyrical Assault
Category: Battle Ground
Forum Name: Text Battle Archive
Forum Description: This is where all the closed battles go.
URL: http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=42969
Printed Date: 27 March 2026 at 2:30am
Topic: [BL3] Nigma (c) -vs- Endeavor [5-3]
Posted By: Trizzy Tre
Subject: [BL3] Nigma (c) -vs- Endeavor [5-3]
Date Posted: 16 June 2016 at 2:59am
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TOPICAL TITLE MATCH Topic: "Decapitation of Kings" 50 lines max House Rules Due in 2 weeks Verses sent to me Any no show excludes you from future Bloodlines Events -------------  |
Replies:
Posted By: Trizzy Tre
Date Posted: 07 July 2016 at 1:38pm
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Nigma: The Accused They want to take my head and they’ll try their hardest I’m at trial between freedom and denying pardons. Kill me with the light of fiction, a violent hardship Guillotines rewrite existence in silent darkness. My sight is different; abstract A limited vision restricts how the witnesses act I see it one way, they insist that it’s that Dismissing existence as an insignificant fact They say depression escalates if you live in the past And anxiety is higher when your distance is mapped My eyes drift down the path, resist looking back Praising my messiah for the wisdom he lacks Meanwhile, down memory lane... Each mile you step is the same... I can’t commit a crime, it’s my vocal tension When I judge the alphabet, I control the sentence I don’t know, those steps are like old infections They look swollen, red. I won’t go tread them Actually... I might take a stroll… I’m restless I’ll patrol the depths, roam and adventure, but The roads as endless as my souls repentance From the broken pledges in my code of ethics The rest is….. The Crown Let’s get this trial started. It begins with kind remarks They’re like, Well, he tried... A spark in a mind of darkness. He thinks life is a designed facade. Enlarged by light like a ripened garden after April showers in the Ides of March But here’s the violent part He was raised, trained, and finally taught not to defy the cross But that final shot finds it mark. Defiles his enlightened heart with tiny marks He declined in sin, but his dive was pardoned. Cause he tried his hardest. Tried to rewind his thoughts In a final march for pride he tried to realign the parts to galvanise the shards Tried his hardest to right the wrongs before the chiming clocks say it’s time to stop But when he died, lied a corpse and tried to rise atop the sky and stars; Charge to the righteous yard, he was denied a spot. Tried to leash his demons with lines of chalk but they find his thoughts confined with locks Telling him to buy, he’s charmed. The type to judge his life at large by price and costs charged to swiping cards A life of cars, fine decor, and diamond drawers Tried his hardest to harness light, but even the brightest stars still die in darkness You can bind the shards, But you can’t hide the hymen scars from the Eye of Ra, that’s the sight of God Because not even the designers flaws can silence all of life at large Life was lost when the knife had dropped with a final chop And he’ll die, his mind exalted, a sigh exhausts, then... Time is gone. ------------- |
Posted By: Trizzy Tre
Date Posted: 07 July 2016 at 1:40pm
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Endeavor: I drew a picture of my son and wife in the dirt with my fingers My memory has shifted but lingers forth in this twisted grimace Her timid figure broken by soldiers risen in sickness The image of my son beheaded I will always have to live with My personal afflictions pale in comparison to the malicious And vicious treatment that have been committed Something I’m wishing no one should witness but we’re all victims Women, children and prisons filled with men forced to skirmish And that is my position… But I shall rise as the victor and make a lasting impression Impress HIM with finesse and skill with weapons, a legend Destined to face the emperor and behead him, my revenge… “165!!! ENTER THE PIT” I’m immediately greeted with screaming spectators begging for a beating I hear the creaking of armor as horses are leaping on shrieking people As the gladiators are nearing, my unit makes an attempt at retreating A man named Pjetr is struck through his collarbone and blood is leaking I’m in need of a sword and dash through the horses, a sweeping Blow barely misses me and I fall in the brown dirt I see Pjetr got downed first, at this point they’re all surrounded Trampled and stabbed with jagged spears, I’m the sole survivor All Pjetr wanted was to find his daughter, I promised to find her After we both escaped from here, but now he just lies there Inside of me a fire ignited, I grab a stone and strike a soldier on his visor They acted surprised when I decided to fight them, three came riding Side by side so I moved to a position where the sun was most blinding I continued the fighting until they all died and I was met by brief silence The emperor rose and spoke with a smile like he was delighted “This frivolous fighter beat my incompetent riders? The insolence! Ridiculous, a brittle simpleton in remonstrance towards his eminence? The prevalence of my excellence will always be remembered, you heretics Your evident arrogance shall prove your undoing and I’ll be the one to do It” He descended with grace, fluid. My eyes were locked, following every movement As he moved in I became consumed with hatred and losing- Any form of restraint, I’d prove them after I dueled him I’d leave his reign in ruins just like he crushed my dreams that were once so lucid My relentless pursuit was absolutely stupid, he moved through and Introduced his blade to my chest and withdrew it, is this the conclusion? Him moving undisputed? I launched a final assault with my strength waning Dodged his blade and struck him in his neck “This is your payment”!! Retracted the sword, continued to maim him. The spectators going crazy Struck him for the last time and his eyes of disbelief were turning vacant As my vision was slowly fading I realized I had to continue the mutilation Raised the blade and after a swift swing Emperor Nigma got decapitated As last I could join my family in the heavens, where they eagerly awaited… ------------- |
Posted By: Crimson Juice
Date Posted: 07 July 2016 at 3:54pm
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YES,this seemed like it took an age to get too.. Nigma first off,i liked how you broke your verse into sections here, it gave your piece an insight before the event it helped build this topic's credibility up,nice touch,the wordplay/Metaphores in this verse were subtle and pleasing,i.e..alphabet/control the sentence,and Them old steps being infectious and swollen red,so you won't follow them or tread them,just a few of many to hash out,I thought you had some good imagery also aswell as contents,your schemes and internals we're also good,the last section the crown, I found this interesting, the way you cut in and out one minute your listen to the charges,then you seem to be slipping into the inner thoughts of the condemned,also by doing so gave this piece a creative and clever feel on reading,and again a nice refrence/play of a wandering mind,garden/Ides of March line,you give this impression he's somewhat disconnected,or doesn't care about he's fate,then as they proceed he seems to regain himself as the impending doom becomes ever more real,also liked the feel that this is a modern tale,with cars/credit cards and the best money can buy,a materialistic sort of person,now we get to the the last moments of he's life,(the inclusion of Ra was a decent addition may I add) the actual death was were time was no more,this was an entertaing read.. Endeavor nice way to start straight into the tale,and you provided detail almost from the off too,this painted a dark scene where he's sons been beheaded he's etching in the dirt from he's memory thoughts of he's family,and the desire for revenge all depicted well here,I'm loving the open section,now we enter the pit,still continuing with nice detail from the sound of armour to the realisation that he is the sole Saviour when seeing the dirt and ppl been mowed down,he's fallen comrade Pjetr,then a rage consumes him after broken promises become he's thought,nicely done here,real vivid to be honest,also i liked your schemes and your vocab/contents all came solid here,this piece is in contrast is totally different from Nigma's,I get the impression that it set in some Asian country,the way you describe the honour and codes of conduct,not shivery as that is a European trait,after the defeat of the emperor's riders,comes the main battle, the clashing of the blades as they duel to the slaying of the emperor, and the revenge that has been the driving force of this topic,all nicely scripted here,also the ending had some comic value to it,when you find out the emperor was Nigma himself,was a nice inclusion too.. Overal both here showed good imagery and contents,Nigma had a subtle and creative approach,and Endeavor had detail and contents,both gave a good account of themselves,and both nailed it,but I feel this is a question of taste or preference,and I predict this will be a seesaw when the votes come in,I'm going to go with Endeavour here,just cuz he's detail was Ripe,and was more to my liking,plus the emotion was good in both verses,just he's struck more of a chord with me.. Vote...Endeavor..peace. ------------- "You need to learn how to make an exit, before you can dare make an entrance". |
Posted By: AshleyKaos
Date Posted: 07 July 2016 at 5:09pm
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NIGMA- i thought that your verse pulled me in with its delivery, your writing was intriguingly dropped and was super sick with the creativity. The whole thing top to bottom was sold for me in this one. I thought that your opener was strong and it set the tone for the rest of the verse. your point of view was interesting and was deep. my favorite bar was : "Kill me with the light of fiction, a violent hardship Guillotines rewrite existence in silent darkness." this bar was epic in nature and was definatley well written with regards to word selection and was the epitome for the mood that was set for the rest " Tried to rewind his thoughts In a final march for pride he tried to realign the parts to galvanise the shards Tried his hardest to right the wrongs before the chiming clocks say it’s time to stop But when he died, lied a corpse and tried to rise atop the sky and stars; Charge to the righteous yard, he was denied a spot. Tried to leash his demons with lines of chalk but they find his thoughts confined with locks Telling him to buy, he’s charmed. The type to judge his life at large by price and costs charged to swiping cards A life of cars, fine decor, and diamond drawers Tried his hardest to harness light, but even the brightest stars still die in darkness" This section was really really dope i like all the intricit wording and multi's all over the place shit was sick as fuck the only critique i could have is that it went on for a bit longer than mabye it should have it almost made it swerve off topic in away but at the same time it had relkevance very mysterious and majestic. I think over all the approach that you took with it was beautifully executed and very style oriented to what i would see from you but was pherhaps a bit fine tuned. i really like this. ENDEVOUR: This was obviously written from a different point of view and had a different type of style to it that differeniated from the one nigma used but was still unique and well executed. You to started to set the tone off early for your piece which is obviously good because this is a topical lol. Your bar that really set the tone for me was : "Trampled and stabbed with jagged spears, I’m the sole survivor All Pjetr wanted was to find his daughter, I promised to find herAfter we both escaped from here, but now he just lies there this part was fucking epic and descriptive and was very dramatioc and braught a deeper emotion. i liked your bars dude they were awesome and i do like your point of view on this the only critique i would say is that your bars were a bit to lenghty in parts here not by much at all though and i feel some of your multi's were a little bit less on point than nigma's and i thought that your metaphors lost a touch of crispness that i think nigma used. Over all this was a very close battle but i am going to have to go with the verse that it thought was just a bit better in the overall evaluation for me. MVGT_NIGMA ------------- NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME |
Posted By: nomedic
Date Posted: 07 July 2016 at 10:34pm
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yo Nigma The poetry you have been blessed with is truly something to marvel at you were able to break the suface of the topic and you included various emotions that come with the pending doom of facing execution. The approach was rich yet also direct what gave it conviction was the metaphors and intense emotional descriptions but perhaps the approach was a tad bit too direct here lies a soliloquy of a man who faces doom and shares his thoughts till the moment his time comes of which i must say i expected something alot more than how you displayed the story the powerful tools of literature was there but the plot wasnt thrilling enough tbh Endeavor Your flaw was written pretty well the schemes were structured well and this gave the reader the outmost confidence to keep on reading,this story was well crafted for the imagery portrayed a certain era in time before you mentioned the arena and spectators my guess sparticus inspired the second half of the drop and what i also liked was how the plot unfolded. my bone to pick was that you only mentioned the antagonist in the end it didnt look like a twist or anything more like a last stitch alteration to make the story more relevant to the battle my opinion that was not necessary over all both of you dropped jewels Nig i admire all the processes of imagination you display on your bars it shows theres layers to your imagery E you also had a powerful verse and i enjoyed both drops but mvgt E for a more richer plot and better direction and story progression
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Posted By: Droidian
Date Posted: 08 July 2016 at 1:10am
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wow. well done fellas. so for me this was a matter preferring one style of writing over another rather than a typical side by side comparison. Nigma's began with a prologue of sorts that delved into a somewhat abstract and philosophical consideration of the situation. it then moved into a trial where endictments are laid with rather deep rationalizations. .. i really liked this. there are some gut punch truths in there that give pause. the style gave me the same feeling as when I'd read someone like Byron or Blake...the risk in this piece is that it needs to be mulled over, ruminated upon. the other elements such as rhyme schemes etc were on point with the odd mildly sloppy landing in the multis...nothing egregious. Endeavor brought a more straight forward narrative that moves from point A to B that is compelling in that the identity of our character isn't clear, but the raw savage goal of survival is. ..the opening lines were very vivid. This felt like a quick retelling of the "fallen man who rises to claim his vengeance in spite of the odds' story. I think it was really well done, though i do feel like I've encountered this many times before. that being said, it is rare to read action sequences that progress really well without being hindered by the verse. that takes an artist's hand. as i said earlier. .this will come down to what style a given reader prefers... in my case i tend to favor the style Nigma brought, where one has to slow down and sink into the verses. ..Endeavor's was very well wrought and would be a deserving winner should it be so, but my vote sits with Nigma. props to both. -------------  |
Posted By: Exoduzt
Date Posted: 08 July 2016 at 4:46am
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So looking forward to this battle... Nigma: "The Accused They want to take my head and they’ll try their hardest I’m at trial between freedom and denying pardons. Kill me with the light of fiction, a violent hardship Guillotines rewrite existence in silent darkness."---not sure if its cus of a title match or you just grew as a writer cus the flow here was impeccable. Sometimes its hard for people to find your flow cus its all over the place ( not me in particular) but this is just straight forward smooth flow. Your use of vocab I knew would be present and you started off painting a picture in my head as the basis for the story. "My sight is different; abstract A limited vision restricts how the witnesses act I see it one way, they insist that it’s that Dismissing existence as an insignificant fact They say depression escalates if you live in the past And anxiety is higher when your distance is mapped"---flowed great I love the distance is mapped line. I wish you got a little bit more into detail about the story. The characters and the surroundings tho. A bit more emotion. "I can’t commit a crime, it’s my vocal tension When I judge the alphabet, I control the sentence I don’t know, those steps are like old infections They look swollen, red. I won’t go tread them Actually... I might take a stroll… I’m restless I’ll patrol the depths, roam and adventure, but The roads as endless as my souls repentance From the broken pledges in my code of ethics The rest is….."---I enjoyed this segment. I thought it was a really dope set up for your next part. The rhyme scheme is abstract but you execute it beautifully. Very unique. There is a constant rhythm to it which is so hard to do. The words just roll rite off the tongue. "The Crown Let’s get this trial started. It begins with kind remarks They’re like, Well, he tried... A spark in a mind of darkness. He thinks life is a designed facade. Enlarged by light like a ripened garden after April showers in the Ides of March"---pfff...look at that last line!..the way the scheme is how the fuck you pull that off. That was crazy. This reminds me of a spoken word type of segment. "n a final march for pride he tried to realign the parts to galvanise the shards Tried his hardest to right the wrongs before the chiming clocks say it’s time to stop But when he died, lied a corpse and tried to rise atop the sky and stars; Charge to the righteous yard, he was denied a spot. Tried to leash his demons with lines of chalk but they find his thoughts confined with locks Telling him to buy, he’s charmed."---The flow wasn't as potent as the previous shit I quoted. I feel you were focusing too much on the flow and internals than you were the story at hand. "The type to judge his life at large by price and costs charged to swiping cards A life of cars, fine decor, and diamond drawers Tried his hardest to harness light, but even the brightest stars still die in darkness You can bind the shards, But you can’t hide the hymen scars from the Eye of Ra, that’s the sight of God Because not even the designers flaws can silence all of life at large Life was lost when the knife had dropped with a final chop And he’ll die, his mind exalted, a sigh exhausts, then... Time is gone.--Great way to end it. Very poetic type of vibe I got from it. The flow was short but powerful. My honest opinion I would have loved to see you take the topic that was given and thought of it in a more abstract way. I felt you took the topic a little too literal. You stepped outside the box on ya scheme and technical shit but it would have been awesome if you did it for the story line as well. Overall tho This was dope shit in my opinion Endev: I drew a picture of my son and wife in the dirt with my fingers My memory has shifted but lingers forth in this twisted grimace Her timid figure broken by soldiers risen in sickness The image of my son beheaded I will always have to live with My personal afflictions pale in comparison to the malicious And vicious treatment that have been committed Something I’m wishing no one should witness but we’re all victims Women, children and prisons filled with men forced to skirmish And that is my position… But I shall rise as the victor and make a lasting impression Impress HIM with finesse and skill with weapons, a legend Destined to face the emperor and behead him, my revenge…"----This was a great way to start out. You brought out the fire and emotion and what was going on rite away. Descriptive and entertaining. Flow is a bit rugged but I kinda like it. Strong start. " I’m immediately greeted with screaming spectators begging for a beating I hear the creaking of armor as horses are leaping on shrieking people As the gladiators are nearing, my unit makes an attempt at retreating A man named Pjetr is struck through his collarbone and blood is leaking I’m in need of a sword and dash through the horses, a sweeping Blow barely misses me and I fall in the brown dirt I see Pjetr got downed first, at this point they’re all surrounded Trampled and stabbed with jagged spears, I’m the sole survivor"---You got a great hold on the content and the story aspect but I feel your flow is a bit simplistic for the story line so far. Kinda one dimensional for content of this magnitude. "Inside of me a fire ignited, I grab a stone and strike a soldier on his visor They acted surprised when I decided to fight them, three came riding Side by side so I moved to a position where the sun was most blinding I continued the fighting until they all died and I was met by brief silence The emperor rose and spoke with a smile like he was delighted---there ya go. The flow was much improved in the section. I would of liked to know how you beat all 3 soldiers tho. I'm sure you needed more help then the sun. but I liked the battle tactic. "“This frivolous fighter beat my incompetent riders? The insolence! Ridiculous, a brittle simpleton in remonstrance towards his eminence? The prevalence of my excellence will always be remembered, you heretics Your evident arrogance shall prove your undoing and I’ll be the one to do It” He descended with grace, fluid. My eyes were locked, following every movement As he moved in I became consumed with hatred and losing- Any form of restraint, I’d prove them after I dueled him I’d leave his reign in ruins just like he crushed my dreams that were once so lucid"---The way you kinda switched characters and made the vocab even stronger for that character was pretty dope. I like that. Very bold with the emotions and story is really strong and interesting. Detailed so to speak. "im moving undisputed? I launched a final assault with my strength waning Dodged his blade and struck him in his neck “This is your payment”!! Retracted the sword, continued to maim him. The spectators going crazy Struck him for the last time and his eyes of disbelief were turning vacant As my vision was slowly fading I realized I had to continue the mutilation Raised the blade and after a swift swing Emperor Nigma got decapitated As last I could join my family in the heavens, where they eagerly awaited…"---I loved the ending. They both die but you still get your revenge and redemption for your family. I'm not a fan of using your opponents name in a topical cus i feel its a cheap way to get votes to sway your side but I'm not gonna give ya a plus or minus for it. Ima let it be. I really liked your story vocab and the way you painted a picture. Like Nigma I feel you should have took this topic and not let it be so generalized. Story was good but ya gotta work on the mechanics with the flow. Overall: This was a tremendous and entertaining topical title match. Both are worthy of winning. Props to both you. At first I was gonna give it to endev but I re read Nigmas verse and realized how great the story actually was. That plus mixed with his mechanics...I have to give the slight edge to Nigma....great job the endev...really this was the closest battle I voted on in a while. MVGT: Nigma -------------  |
Posted By: Concrete
Date Posted: 08 July 2016 at 12:49pm
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NigZ; A piece that demands the reader to pay attention. To be honest I'm kinda ambivalent about the first segment. It's nicely written in it's own right, and technically strong. However, it didn't hook me much into the story, the contemplative phrases felt more like vague foreshadowing. I would rather get to the actual action faster. I think some of if felt kinda keystyle cliche also, like: I can’t commit a crime, it’s my vocal tension When I judge the alphabet, I control the sentence It's neat and all but these type of 'clever' statements sometimes feels unnatural within a story, for me at least. The second segment was more my cup of fresh lyrics. A solid demonstration of pacing, wording and rhyming all in one. A good example of this elegance: In a final march for pride he tried to realign the parts to galvanise the shards Tried his hardest to right the wrongs before the chiming clocks say it’s time to stop But when he died, lied a corpse and tried to rise atop the sky and stars; Charge to the righteous yard, he was denied a spot. Really wordy and full of rhymes, yet still reads effortlessly. As a whole, your verse it had some ups n downs, still I liked the narrative with it's mystical and ambiguous style mixed with heavy literary devices. EndZ; The solar opposite of NigZ, just straightforward storytelling and very firm structure. First thing I noticed is your relentless use of rhymes, I think it serves the piece greatly for the most part, it flows easy tho some few bars may seem too wordy. Technically it was tight and grimey as for the story.. now this was something I truly enjoyed. Who doesnt find entertaintment and pleasure in gladiator struggles? It was a slick move to take that route no doubt. You paced the progression pretty good, and the way gradually increased the action was intense. I admit I was hooked at the Pjetr part. You almost kept the momentum going to the end. I think it would be better to split the second segment at the "I’ll be the one to do It” part, just to give the reader some pause. Regardless, your story telling skills shined here. The ending, was kinda keystyle cliche also, but decent enough to wrap it up nicely. No particular quotes, you maintained a high quality all the way. Verdict time - This one comes 100% down to preference really. Both are stellar writers clearly but EndZ gets my vote, I prefered his straightforward blood soaking gladiator tale the most here. Nice battle, props to both. |
Posted By: AxyRocker
Date Posted: 08 July 2016 at 1:19pm
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Nigma: The Accused They want to take my head and they’ll try their hardest I’m at trial between freedom and denying pardons. Kill me with the light of fiction, a violent hardship Guillotines rewrite existence in silent darkness. I like the feel in this, I mean topical is all about how good you are with the feels and that last guillotine line was real good, multis were on point, cool start My sight is different; abstract A limited vision restricts how the witnesses act I see it one way, they insist that it’s that Dismissing existence as an insignificant fact They say depression escalates if you live in the past And anxiety is higher when your distance is mapped My eyes drift down the path, resist looking back Praising my messiah for the wisdom he lacks Wow, everyone section of this verse has absolute quotable lines, I really like how you are building it with the emotional sequence, I really prefer this kind of approach, kinda connects the readers. That depression line was standout for me. Meanwhile, down memory lane... Each mile you step is the same... Holy cow! This is a great buildup, trust me I am typing all this while reading at the same time and this kind of buildup keeps me going I can’t commit a crime, it’s my vocal tension When I judge the alphabet, I control the sentence I don’t know, those steps are like old infections They look swollen, red. I won’t go tread them Actually... I might take a stroll… I’m restless I’ll patrol the depths, roam and adventure, but The roads as endless as my souls repentance From the broken pledges in my code of ethics The rest is….. The endless roads line was a standout, so far I've noticed every section of your verse has a pretty unique rhyme scheme and flow really great. The Crown Let’s get this trial started. It begins with kind remarks They’re like, Well, he tried... A spark in a mind of darkness. He thinks life is a designed facade. Enlarged by light like a ripened garden after April showers in the Ides of March But here’s the violent part He was raised, trained, and finally taught not to defy the cross But that final shot finds it mark. Defiles his enlightened heart with tiny marks He declined in sin, but his dive was pardoned. Cause he tried his hardest. Tried to rewind his thoughts In a final march for pride he tried to realign the parts to galvanise the shards Tried his hardest to right the wrongs before the chiming clocks say it’s time to stop But when he died, lied a corpse and tried to rise atop the sky and stars; Charge to the righteous yard, he was denied a spot. Tried to leash his demons with lines of chalk but they find his thoughts confined with locks Telling him to buy, he’s charmed. The type to judge his life at large by price and costs charged to swiping cards A life of cars, fine decor, and diamond drawers Tried his hardest to harness light, but even the brightest stars still die in darkness You can bind the shards, But you can’t hide the hymen scars from the Eye of Ra, that’s the sight of God Because not even the designers flaws can silence all of life at large Life was lost when the knife had dropped with a final chop And he’ll die, his mind exalted, a sigh exhausts, then... Time is gone. That hymen scars line was a standout in this section for me, though almost every line was sooooo coool.. I mean the way you played with the rhyme scheme, and hell it flowed like loose motions, I mean come on man there were some seriously insane rhymes in this. Overall the verse was really cool, though story itself could've had more twists and turns but the rhymes we crazy af I drew a picture of my son and wife in the dirt with my fingers My memory has shifted but lingers forth in this twisted grimace Her timid figure broken by soldiers risen in sickness The image of my son beheaded I will always have to live with My personal afflictions pale in comparison to the malicious And vicious treatment that have been committed Something I’m wishing no one should witness but we’re all victims Women, children and prisons filled with men forced to skirmish And that is my position… But I shall rise as the victor and make a lasting impression Impress HIM with finesse and skill with weapons, a legend Destined to face the emperor and behead him, my revenge… Wow, from the looks of it till now, I kinda like where you're taking this topic. You started out almost same as Niggy with the emotional touch and yet managed to keep it a bit more abstract “165!!! ENTER THE PIT” I’m immediately greeted with screaming spectators begging for a beating I hear the creaking of armor as horses are leaping on shrieking people As the gladiators are nearing, my unit makes an attempt at retreating A man named Pjetr is struck through his collarbone and blood is leaking I’m in need of a sword and dash through the horses, a sweeping Blow barely misses me and I fall in the brown dirt Pjetr? wtf? thats some insane name, nice imagery - the way you described the blood and stuff, keeps the reader sticking I see Pjetr got downed first, at this point they’re all surrounded Trampled and stabbed with jagged spears, I’m the sole survivor All Pjetr wanted was to find his daughter, I promised to find her After we both escaped from here, but now he just lies there Inside of me a fire ignited, I grab a stone and strike a soldier on his visor They acted surprised when I decided to fight them, three came riding Side by side so I moved to a position where the sun was most blinding I continued the fighting until they all died and I was met by brief silence The emperor rose and spoke with a smile like he was delighted “This frivolous fighter beat my incompetent riders? The insolence! Ridiculous, a brittle simpleton in remonstrance towards his eminence? The prevalence of my excellence will always be remembered, you heretics Your evident arrogance shall prove your undoing and I’ll be the one to do It” He descended with grace, fluid. My eyes were locked, following every movement As he moved in I became consumed with hatred and losing- Any form of restraint, I’d prove them after I dueled him I’d leave his reign in ruins just like he crushed my dreams that were once so lucid My relentless pursuit was absolutely stupid, he moved through and Introduced his blade to my chest and withdrew it, is this the conclusion? Him moving undisputed? I launched a final assault with my strength waning Dodged his blade and struck him in his neck “This is your payment”!! Retracted the sword, continued to maim him. The spectators going crazy Struck him for the last time and his eyes of disbelief were turning vacant As my vision was slowly fading I realized I had to continue the mutilation Raised the blade and after a swift swing Emperor Nigma got decapitated As last I could join my family in the heavens, where they eagerly awaited… Lol! you dragged Nigma in this, cool btw rhyme was so cool that I just couldn't find where to break it for feed. I totally loved the way you literally put the scene in front of my eyes, though the story just like Nigma's was pretty straight forward but you had the more story-telling kind of approach. Overall - This was one heck of a battle and in the end the decision rests on which kind of approach I like better which for me was Nigma's emotional approach, also for me he had more quotable lines and was slightly better with the flow aswell. Either way props to both of you guys, you were fuckin awesome MVGT - Nigma -------------  |
Posted By: Ridley Squat
Date Posted: 09 July 2016 at 12:35pm
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NIGGMA-WITH-ATTITUDE: First paragraph: WOW great way to kick off the topic. Slick ryhming and metaphors. No words were wasted in the making of this paragraph The next para, I was unsure of the first few lines at first, but ater more read throughs it sits perfectly well with the latter half - which is near flawless meanwhile continuing with painting the picture really well The alphabet/control the sentence line: As good as it is, it jarred for me, I think that's because it came across as a bar, therefore out of place in the feel of the peice. But it continues on with slick metaphors and incredible ryhme schemes throughout. Some real nice layering as the 'defy the cross/final shot' rhymes are weaved in and out of the whole 'Ides of March' scheme, all the way down to 'hymen scars/Eye of Ra' (sick) and 'final chop/Time is gone.' This was so well done, that what seems amazing to me is that this can get done in 2 weeks. ENDEAZY-E: Opening line - so simple yet fantastic imagery. Continues that feels, with a slick narrative setting the story well and efficiently. Really well chosen rhymes throughout, multis are slick with nicely placed inners. Though that being said - still a comparatively simple ryhme-scheme. I found it easier on first read than Nigma's to be honest... And the story is well structured and a good read. Love how you twist it to being the decapitation of your opponent at the end, lol. So yes, 2 different styles, 2 different approaches, and largely down to personal taste, but ... MFVGT NIGEL -------------   |
Posted By: Neek
Date Posted: 09 July 2016 at 2:00pm
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Nigma wins (5-3) congrats Nigma-Ramus on defending your manpoem merit. ------------- #Bananas 
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