Elevation Centre: Trying something more minimalist

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   Trying to improve on a more simple line approach and rhyme scheme. Not sure if this is too simple with repeating rhymes/lines but I wanted to try and simplify my verses.

Looking for feedback to if this is on right track and how to improve 

**sorry for repost, thought this would be a more appropriate place to seek advice**

Runnin through the trees as the forest breathes, 
Gun in my hand squeezed ricochets to the beat
Escapin victim pleased but I got plans for her meat, 
You've been held hostage for a while and I'm ready to feast 
You've succumb to your feet, I raise my axe up with ease 
You plead for mercy but I don't understand what you speak 
Sever your arteries with the same tool that chops for heat 
You're crying for no reason so I perform a lobotomy
I take my knife remove your eyes, opportunities You can't see 
Not a surgeon obviously as my hands move in nervously 
Salivating as I think of this harvest I'll be marinating 
Can't explain the rush of getting caught masturbating 
Try my hardest to become an artist on your body painting 
Blow my load on all my foes they call me son of satan 
I hear tip toes the critters know, they seen me defecating
Covers blown I can't go home, here is where I'm staying 
I wipe you up and cuddle up, think of an explanation 
To tell your folks when they find the bones of their daughter missing

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Amgin Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 31 January 2017 Status: Offline Points: 140 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-3-0 Form: LLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote Amgin Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: Trying something more minimalist Posted: 23 March 2017 at 6:45pm
	Trying to improve on a more simple line approach and rhyme scheme. Not sure if this is too simple with repeating rhymes/lines but I wanted to try and simplify my verses. Looking for feedback to if this is on right track and how to improve sorry for repost, thought this would be a more appropriate place to seek advice Runnin through the trees as the forest breathes, Gun in my hand squeezed ricochets to the beat Escapin victim pleased but I got plans for her meat, You've been held hostage for a while and I'm ready to feast You've succumb to your feet, I raise my axe up with ease You plead for mercy but I don't understand what you speak Sever your arteries with the same tool that chops for heat You're crying for no reason so I perform a lobotomy I take my knife remove your eyes, opportunities You can't see Not a surgeon obviously as my hands move in nervously Salivating as I think of this harvest I'll be marinating Can't explain the rush of getting caught masturbating Try my hardest to become an artist on your body painting Blow my load on all my foes they call me son of satan I hear tip toes the critters know, they seen me defecating Covers blown I can't go home, here is where I'm staying I wipe you up and cuddle up, think of an explanation To tell your folks when they find the bones of their daughter missing