Open Mic: [OM King] Other side |
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Cuba
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Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12332 ![]() Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Topic: [OM King] Other sidePosted: 31 January 2016 at 7:30pm |
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Once you know you can never go back…
Sailing a wave of an unassailable crave- Into which I may never return… A hell of an urge, my genitals surge, congenital splurge Of euphoria, exploring an uncontainable phase Been rocked for shore beyond those coastal lines I-racked with rebellion before rouge Mosul fires I won’t survive… Most re-vile, I itch for a dose A blast from the past when the missile explodes A chemical weapon that medically beckons Forever it threatens yet never it lessens The pain and the rage I trade to be still My brain is depraved I crave for a pill I yearn for a thrill, it murders my will And I’m back in the gutter with a burner distilled The fluid makes me float on a boat to Bermuda I’m coaxed in a cloak that chokes an intruder Roped on the dope, no hope to confuse ya Soaked in the soap, it’s close to conclusion Is it a hoax for the folks? A boast reproducin’? Or a once hidden post for ghosts and illusions? Getting foggy now on the path to nirvana Been in a shroud, feel the clasp of the karma Wraps me in armour, toughens my spirit Thought I was hard up, now sunken within it
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CHAIN
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Joined: 14 November 2006 Status: Offline Points: 2769 ![]() Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 8-4-0 Form: LWWLWW |
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Posted: 31 January 2016 at 8:25pm |
![]() You just had to drop right before the dead line didn't you? Man, you're a master. All your verses make me SMH. This one is no different. Your lines are so calculated. *salute* Edited by CHAIN - 31 January 2016 at 9:00pm |
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Cuba
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Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12332 ![]() Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 31 January 2016 at 8:36pm |
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LMAO...it's about a drugs & a guy that OD's
I just reread it with that in mind, damn, you ruined my OM Edited by Cuba - 31 January 2016 at 8:55pm |
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HP1
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Joined: 30 January 2016 Location: in ur head Status: Offline Points: 33 |
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Posted: 31 January 2016 at 9:25pm |
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Exactly @ Cuba... The first lines give it away......could've gone either way though, u are descriptive as heck, well dun very on point. Good luck
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Sammy
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Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2227 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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Posted: 31 January 2016 at 9:32pm |
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lol@Cuba, I was gonna say, Chain fuckin ruined it lmao! (even though he did edit his comment, I was unfortunate enough to read his original post, lol!) Still a very dope piece regardless of that lack of a"conception" allegorical intrigue lol. Concept was ill, though. I think somebody alluded to drug usage in their interpretation of the topic. However, the way you crafted the rhyme was top tier, bro. this was definitely a great read.
Damn you, Chain!
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The Law
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God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 ![]() Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
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Posted: 01 February 2016 at 5:30am |
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I actually seen CHAIN's post earlier before he edited. Pretty hilarious
![]() Dope shit though cuba, haha love how you turned this into the bermuda topic. The two concept shit through the bars made this. Showing that bermuda and whats within in is a hoax, yet the drugs took him their which he eventually sunk, being the od. Still some of the word usage throughout the piece makes CHAIN's original understanding of it valid haha. Good read though. |
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daydizzle89
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Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW |
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Posted: 01 February 2016 at 12:53pm |
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Yeah this was dope. Great concept and your vocabulary was really really clean. Some words are always harder to slant for me as im not English. This though was hellas smooth. The flow and the schemes really took off here. Its like butter meets toast. Your metaphors really stuck out to. They were easy to understand and creative at the same time. Also, your assonance is hella smooth with your flow brotha. Not overdone but just right.
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Neek
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Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3866 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW |
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Posted: 01 February 2016 at 1:16pm |
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as I told you, I was EXTREMELY delighted you dropped for this.
the water/boating references were exceptional. overall very well played and another dope ass edition. burner distilled. |
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#Bananas
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Cuba
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Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12332 ![]() Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 02 February 2016 at 7:49pm |
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Thanks for the feed guys...
@Dizzle, quite often with my multis I'll try and end on an unstressed syllable and that will either be an assonance rhyme or a half rhyme...but because the stressed syallables in the multi rhyme then you still get the fluidity & it's close enough that it's not awkward. I guess, think of it as almost like the start of the next line...so the actual end-rhyme is the final stressed syllable of the line. I'm often rhyming 5-7 syllables so I figure the last one doesn't matter as much ![]() Hope that helps? Maybe not...
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Zinaii
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Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2957 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-27-10 Form: WLNNNL |
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Posted: 02 February 2016 at 9:06pm |
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I havent read many OM's from you but you never dissapoint when you drop one; this was thoughtfully written; the multis were fluid and nothing seemed out of place; the wordplay in that entire third bar was dope as fuck; I enjoy storytelling that doesnt outright give away whats happening but little hints are dropped throughout that kinda let the reader figure everything out and I thought you pulled that off nicely. Another top tier OM making my decision harder sigh; good shit though
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