Open Mic: The Colour Gradient Of Past

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Miss, we know this is going to be difficult for you, 

but we need you to
answer some questions.

Were you here in the
house when it happened?"

"Miss, can you
hear me?" 

"Emily..?" 

She finally nodded,
departing her eyes from a solace which revived on the portrait 

of times in abundance;
startling by her own spiteful enjoyment of familiarised fortunes

unisonous, in an abnormal
bliss, as the pendulum swings..

rocking back and forth in
tenebrous lilts, she reminisced.. 

sunrays surpassed the
ambiguity of that day 

unveil the best for
memorability is at stake 

an arcadian set can
tarnish brutally;the fate, that's left.. 

can emanate a threat, of
manic-morality, a children's break? 

The family of four, as
they strolled down an alley once restored, 

so happily on tour they
couldn't see the break in the melody performed 

by Emily's adjourn. 

A broken prism altered
into melodic waves 

the molded spirit,
miniscule consort with craze 

tectonic rays are begone
in haze; echoing voices remain

as thoughts circulate in
a colour gradient past

to refractions of a shade
- her savouring last! 

besetting soliloquy as a
variegated splash; of red..

what the officers
couldn't say, was her fading in a mask..

when they asked for her
parents and brother - fatally stabbed

finally, they were
colourful amassed; - three souls, vacating at last..

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alicewonder Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN	Post Options Post Reply Quote alicewonder Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: The Colour Gradient Of Past Posted: 16 February 2016 at 6:17pm
	Miss, we know this is going to be difficult for you, but we need you to answer some questions. Were you here in the house when it happened?" "Miss, can you hear me?" "Emily..?" She finally nodded, departing her eyes from a solace which revived on the portrait of times in abundance; startling by her own spiteful enjoyment of familiarised fortunes unisonous, in an abnormal bliss, as the pendulum swings.. rocking back and forth in tenebrous lilts, she reminisced.. sunrays surpassed the ambiguity of that day unveil the best for memorability is at stake an arcadian set can tarnish brutally;the fate, that's left.. can emanate a threat, of manic-morality, a children's break? The family of four, as they strolled down an alley once restored, so happily on tour they couldn't see the break in the melody performed by Emily's adjourn. A broken prism altered into melodic waves the molded spirit, miniscule consort with craze tectonic rays are begone in haze; echoing voices remain as thoughts circulate in a colour gradient past to refractions of a shade - her savouring last! besetting soliloquy as a variegated splash; of red.. what the officers couldn't say, was her fading in a mask.. when they asked for her parents and brother - fatally stabbed finally, they were colourful amassed; - three souls, vacating at last..

Endeavor Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Endeavor Report Post Likes(1) Quote Reply Posted: 16 February 2016 at 8:08pm
	You reeeaaallllyyyyy live up to your name Alicewonder. If someone isn't familiar with the genius insanity of Alice in Wonderland, I advise you to check it out. This is wat I absolutely love. Every single word of this, this brilliance right here stroked my soul, man. The usage of words, metaphors, the rhymes... Everything fits so well together. I'm Stanning real hard right now, but this is seriously good. Will leave a breakdown when I'm not on the phone. Respect.
	#Bananas

DressToKill Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6872 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote DressToKill Report Post Likes(1) Quote Reply Posted: 16 February 2016 at 10:59pm
	I thought this was very creative, the vocabulary was nice it really helped paint a vibrant picture. I was thrown off on the flow occasionally but honestly it could of just been me. I liked your vivid explination of your surroundings. This was the first time I peeped your stuff I'd like to collab sometime
	The original comeback kid

Neek Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Super Mario Slaughterer Joined: 05 October 2004 Status: Offline Points: 3862 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-1-0 Form: LWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Neek Report Post Likes(2) Quote Reply Posted: 17 February 2016 at 12:39am
	as one of my top five writers on LA. this was a masterpiece. I love your shit, cause its subtle, but has alot of depth. I just never figured out how they got from the alley to the house. unless the whole thing was a daydream, when she murdered the family and came to be and realized what had really happened. could be way off tho. but I loved the piece as a small silhouette into the mind of a trauma victim. you really captured the essence of shock. but so smooth. wasn't overdone or extra drama... felt real. bravo friend. I loved the piece.
	#Bananas

Endeavor Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Endeavor Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 17 February 2016 at 10:02am
	Ha, funny. Apparently you're unable to edit your post if you're on the PC when it has been initially posted by phone. So I promised a full breakdown, but I don't know how to do it. So I guess we'll just talk about my interpretation of this right here and hopefully it comes close to your vision. So she's in a hearing being suspected of murdering her family. To me it feels like psychosis is perfectly described as shown by the soliloquy line. It also feels like Emily is emotionally detached from the events that occurred, which also feels like an indication that she wasn't in her right mind. I'm still trying to figure out how the colors correlate to all this, you might need to break that down for me. Smh, I vote this post of the month.
	#Bananas

Calibra Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 28 March 2008 Location: Newcastle, UK Status: Offline Points: 2969 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-3-1 Form: WWWWWN	Post Options Post Reply Quote Calibra Report Post Likes(1) Quote Reply Posted: 17 February 2016 at 11:55am
	My thoughts are similar to DTK's. I thought the vocab was excellent but the flow threw me off a few times. I also felt like the story was a bit hard to follow, like clarity was sacrificed for vocabulary but that might just be me. Good shit though, nice to see something different.

SELF ACTIVATE Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 05 February 2016 Location: Kemet Status: Offline Points: 1380 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-0 Form: WL	Post Options Post Reply Quote SELF ACTIVATE Report Post Likes(2) Quote Reply Posted: 18 February 2016 at 4:09pm
	She finally nodded, departing her eyes from a solace which revived on the portrait of times in abundance; startling by her own spiteful enjoyment of familiarised fortunes ^^^Very abstract imagery here. It really takes a lot of brainpower to connect the dots. It's a creative approach tho ... and due to it's poetic phrasing kind of leaves the door open for interpretation...as far as visualizing the scene taking place. One thing that I think could be reworked, substituted, or omitted, is the word "startling". It just doesn't roll off the tongue right and seems abrupt in its placement ... Interrupting the fluid movement of the read. Other than that..nice intro...I'm intrigued. unisonous, in an abnormal bliss, as the pendulum swings.. rocking back and forth in tenebrous lilts, she reminisced.. ^^Interesting phraseology. Rhythmically tho the piece is lacking due to the unusual vocabulary employed. Visually however, it has a lot of depth. For instance, "tenebrous lilts" paints a very layered and vivid picture. It's actually also creates an auditory experience in the mind when imagined in sound. Tapping into that sort of sensory scenario is really dope and impressive. So it add shine to where the flow dims in glow. sunrays surpassed the ambiguity of that day unveil the best for memorability is at stake an arcadian set can tarnish brutally;the fate, that's left.. can emanate a threat, of manic-morality, a children's break? The family of four, as they strolled down an alley once restored, so happily on tour they couldn't see the break in the melody performed by Emily's adjourn.. ^^^This section is dope. It's like a reflection of the painting. A flashback of sentimental value. I think you did a good job setting the scene here. The flow was also back to proper form as well. Nice work. A broken prism altered into melodic waves the molded spirit, miniscule consort with craze tectonic rays are begone in haze; echoing voices remain as thoughts circulate in a colour gradient past to refractions of a shade - her savouring last! besetting soliloquy as a variegated splash; of red.. ^^Pure poetry. The first line was impressive. I just like the sound and idea of what it conveys in a metaphorical sense. The proceeding lines are really complicated. Such complex ideas and language have to be absorbed and digested before meaning can be deciphered. OR you can just tell me what you were trying to say in the comment section below. Lol. what the officers couldn't say, was her fading in a mask.. when they asked for her parents and brother - fatally stabbed finally, they were colourful amassed; - three souls, vacating at last.. ^^^That last line was great. I could feel it. Raw emotion. Expertly conveyed. All in all: This was a very up and down piece to me. It had vocab issues. Some phrases seemed unnecessarily complex or over complicated. On the other hand, some of the language, imagery, and thought process behind your words, was absolutely BRILLIANT! So it was like a double edge sword. I loathed it! I loved it! But ultimately, I respected it! Post more bro. I think we're all intrigued. Peace... Edited by SELF ACTIVATE - 18 February 2016 at 4:14pm

daydizzle89 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 23 July 2014 Status: Offline Points: 3805 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 6-11-0 Form: LWWLLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote daydizzle89 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 February 2016 at 4:31pm
	Miss, we know this is going to be difficult for you, but we need you to answer some questions. Were you here in the house when it happened?" "Miss, can you hear me?" "Emily..?" ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Nice intro, keeps me wondering where you are going with this shit. She finally nodded, departing her eyes from a solace which revived on the portrait of times in abundance; startling by her own spiteful enjoyment of familiarised fortunes unisonous, in an abnormal bliss, as the pendulum swings.. rocking back and forth in tenebrous lilts, she reminisced.. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Nice flow, a little catchy and the adnormal imagery is dope. Liking this so far. I think you are painting a dope "picture" sunrays surpassed the ambiguity of that day unveil the best for memorability is at stake an arcadian set can tarnish brutally;the fate, that's left.. can emanate a threat, of manic-morality, a children's break? The family of four, as they strolled down an alley once restored, so happily on tour they couldn't see the break in the melody performed by Emily's adjourn. A broken prism altered into melodic waves the molded spirit, miniscule consort with craze tectonic rays are begone in haze; echoing voices remain as thoughts circulate in a colour gradient past to refractions of a shade - her savouring last! besetting soliloquy as a variegated splash; of red.. what the officers couldn't say, was her fading in a mask.. when they asked for her parents and brother - fatally stabbed finally, they were colourful amassed; - three souls, vacating at last.. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Very poetic. Its really vivid and your story was pretty nice. I liked the vocabulary and the reveal at the end. It was really clear and each line had me wondering what was going on. I think you did a great job with keeping me wanting more. I think this could have been longer with a little more backbone on the story. Thats just an opinion though.

alicewonder Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN	Post Options Post Reply Quote alicewonder Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 February 2016 at 10:27pm
	wow, I really appreciate all the great feedback, guys! Thank you. at Endeavor: I'm really glad you liked it, and thanks for that Wonderland reference, haha. You're spot on with every bit of your interpretation!! I actually knew that the "colours" might be too vague to be employed here, but I wanted to include the motif of basic elements of art - hence the colour gradient and the "tone" references in the beginning. You could interpret the colours as the variety in "life lines", also alluding to a state of insanity if you take contrasting colourful patterns into account. Hope it's a bit clearer now. at Dress: thank you, I'm definitely up for a collabo! feel free to pm me if you have anything in mind. at Neek: wow, I'm humbled by your comment, my friend. Glad you enjoyed this, it really means a lot. Your "way off" interpretation is actually spot on. I was expecting the core of this to be too far fetched to be perceived at first glance. I tend to write too complex and abstract, hence it's no surprise. But I'm glad you caught it.

Sammy Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Site Moderator Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2223 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Sammy Report Post Likes(1) Quote Reply Posted: 20 February 2016 at 1:01am
	@self she's a girl, bro, lmao!! well, Alice, u already know how i felt about this. Poetry and imagery was uber strong here and by the feedback here and at that other site, you already know this was dope ha! no redundancy for you, sister, ha!


alicewonder Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 09 May 2015 Location: uk Status: Offline Points: 653 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-2 Form: WWLNN	Post Options Post Reply Quote alicewonder Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 22 February 2016 at 1:28am
	thank you for your kind words Sammy, I really appreciate it!

Storm $hadow Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 25 July 2015 Location: Abuja Status: Offline Points: 329 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote Storm $hadow Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 June 2016 at 1:00am
	Miss, we know this is going to be difficult for you, but we need you to answer some questions. Were you here in the house when it happened?" "Miss, can you hear me?" "Emily..? Definately without looking down from here, every person would picture some cops('we need you to answer some questions') standing in front of a lady('Miss', 'Emily'). The words 'were you in the house when it happened' surged up my curiousity: i could tell that something tragic is to be expect, but what exactly? Suicide? somebody was murdered? Etc. Let's find out though. She finally nodded, departing her eyes from a solace which revived on the portrait of times in abundance; startling by her own spiteful enjoyment of familiarised fortunes unisonous, in an abnormal bliss, as the pendulum swings.. rocking back and forth in tenebrous lilts, she reminisced.. Your imagery and description is clearly top notch, that is what you do regardless of how your flow go, end rhymes or not. sunrays surpassed the ambiguity of that day unveil the best for memorability is at stake an arcadian set can tarnish brutally;the fate, that's left.. can emanate a threat, of manic-morality, a children's break? Always having problem grasping some of your lines due to your vocabulary(LOL, i'm not a dictionary). However, the first bar there was clearly poetic and calm, the end rhymes did a lot and not stretching any of the lines is something i admire. The family of four, as they strolled down an alley once restored, so happily on tour they couldn't see the break in the melody performed by Emily's adjourn. I've got to separate this let it stand on it own. 'Family of four/Happily on tour': your rhyming skill ain't just mere, they are awesome, internal multiz. And then you buttered the food with the end rhymes, still keeping to your content. And thanks for this understandable aspect, plain and simple. A broken prism altered into melodic waves the molded spirit, miniscule consort with craze tectonic rays are begone in haze; echoing voices remain as thoughts circulate in a colour gradient past to refractions of a shade - her savouring last! 'Physicsizing' these bars in a calm and poetic manner. Damn besetting soliloquy as a variegated splash; of red.. what the officers couldn't say, was her fading in a mask.. when they asked for her parents and brother - fatally stabbed finally, they were colourful amassed; - three souls,vacating at last. Geez. The end revealed the incident. You built up the suspense and kept it rising throughout the whole verse, your wordings, connectivity, creativity, consistency, literature never tipped off a bit. Plus, you clearly wiped the thought in me of Alice not been a rhymer. Now i know you do it whenever you want to. I would always comment on your syllables count though. It's been few times push aside for vivid description which is not bad at all, i don't expect you to be a master in all aspect but damn, the closer made me ashamed of myself. Overall, this is some 'POETRY'.