Open Mic: [ OM King ] Seasons

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   I spring from winter like a solar flare with shoulders square like a polar bear.
Behold the glare... in my eyes....

Born like a fire out of ice, I adapt to my demise and turn it into my reprise. 
Nothing but music to my ears, as I steer in site of skies. 
No fear inside my ties... Well connected with those who perfected all who hear inside the lies. 
Some are (summer) Wise, they'd sprinkle seasons in the vice...

surely hating to Fall.. with salt increasing as I cry...
As I pry though the glacier, in case your...indeed perceiving why 

Okay enough with the abstract...as I lax back and come to the conclusion perhaps that...
 the ice age has arrived....

Despite my attempts full of contempt and spite to migrate and survive.. I was swallowed by the eye...
of the storm where every blink is a tide.. being born as beast become extinct.....but don't die...they conform.................

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Jet Swade Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 23 March 2016 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 75 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-2-0 Form: WLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote Jet Swade Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Topic: [ OM King ] Seasons Posted: 23 March 2016 at 4:44pm
	I spring from winter like a solar flare with shoulders square like a polar bear. Behold the glare... in my eyes.... Born like a fire out of ice, I adapt to my demise and turn it into my reprise. Nothing but music to my ears, as I steer in site of skies. No fear inside my ties... Well connected with those who perfected all who hear inside the lies. Some are (summer) Wise, they'd sprinkle seasons in the vice... surely hating to Fall.. with salt increasing as I cry... As I pry though the glacier, in case your...indeed perceiving why Okay enough with the abstract...as I lax back and come to the conclusion perhaps that... the ice age has arrived.... Despite my attempts full of contempt and spite to migrate and survive.. I was swallowed by the eye... of the storm where every blink is a tide.. being born as beast become extinct.....but don't die...they conform.................

levy420 Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 22 May 2013 Location: San Antonio TX Status: Offline Points: 3443 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 39-33-4 Form: LWWLLN	Post Options Post Reply Quote levy420 Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23 March 2016 at 6:28pm
	I really liked your opening bar nice internals an multi use here as for the piece in whole. this was pretty good for your first drop an love that you dove right into the om king your proving to be a nice addition to la keep it up its refreshing to see my fav parts of this would be I spring from winter like a solar flare with shoulders square like a polar bear. Behold the glare... in my eyes.... Solid opening Nothing but music to my ears, as I steer in site of skies. No fear inside my ties... Well connected with those who perfected all who hear inside the lies. Some are (summer) Wise, they'd sprinkle seasons in the vice... Like the word play with summer here good shit My only complaint would be there wasnt more woulda been nice to see u go into more detail with the seasons an add more of the internal an multi aspect as u had in the first bar either way for your first drop this was dope stay at an stay active Edited by levy420 - 23 March 2016 at 6:46pm
	I'll explode at the drop of a dime like proximity mines

Jet Swade Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 23 March 2016 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 75 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-2-0 Form: WLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote Jet Swade Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23 March 2016 at 6:36pm
	Hey I really appreciate your input Levy! Thanks for viewing and commenting and yea I agree I definitely coulda/shoulda went more in depth with the seasons and internals. But I'm glad you liked it :p

Endeavor Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Senior Moderator Wiggle wiggle said the bun that jiggle Joined: 03 April 2009 Location: Your kitchen Status: Offline Points: 10000102 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-4-0 Form: WWLWLW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Endeavor Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23 March 2016 at 7:06pm
	Another dope newbie! Where the hell do you guys spawn from? The thing I immediately noticed is your wording... you got this poetic and abstract thing going on... which I like. I agree with Levy, though. As dope as this is it lacks depth (if I may say so). I think you really only scratched the surface and considering you know how to write one might ponder where this would lead... interesting indeed.
	#Bananas

Jet Swade Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 23 March 2016 Location: USA Status: Offline Points: 75 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-2-0 Form: WLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote Jet Swade Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23 March 2016 at 7:12pm
	Hey Thanks Endeavor! and yea I agree; I kinda sped through this one in about 20 minutes or so; I didn't really spend as much time on it as I should have so this was pretty much a free write for me lol however, thanks to you guys I think I might dig deeper into it in the near future!