Open Mic: [OM King] untitled

The myth of the mist
High on the list
Of dangerous places
You probably should miss

Devils triangle what it is called
An he resides there
Shrouded in fog
Sits on a throne
His horns rising high
He releases the thunder
That shatters the sky

The oceans block passage
To enter his realm
But sailors still venture
Mad men at the helm

Push through the red water
Land on the rocks
The ship is no use now
No use for soft talk
Your time is soon over
Your end it is near
Escape is not likely
Your soul will stay here

On an island called Adeptus
Shackeled in chains
Any who visit
Are meat for his pain
His torrment brings wind
Torrential rain
Blood boils the seas
And cripples the brain
Abandon all hope
You shall not escape
Hundreds of ships
Wrecked on the cape

No chance to remember
A time before pain
As your soul is devoured
Becoming a chain
Part of the system
That holds him in place
It is a secret
God's great disgrace

Thanks, I'm going for lyimricical verse, it just kind of pours out like some kind of curse. Try as I might I cannot refrain, given the option of retraining brain though I'd rather I stick to what I do best, instead conformance to be like the rest.

This was pretty cool; I always respect poetry and this being a kind of different topic i figure it's not easy to write to this type of topic and still keep those same mechanics so you obviously have some skill. Now, as far as the piece as a whole it wasn't a bad piece at all; but it didn't have anything that made it stand out; the rhyme schemes came off a little basic imo; you have the idea down now I think you could work on taking the next step into possibly some character development; or adding some complexity to some of your lines; get the reader engaged in your story. Keep writing and it will come naturally; check out a few of the other pieces and make note of some of the things they did but stick around here ill keep an eye out for more of your work