Open Mic: Wrecked Relationship

 No more swerves.
This time, just honesty....




Heard that song on the radio, thought about old times
Words make more sense now, got me followin' those lines
My mind drifts to our day, I'd say the pleasures were so fine
Like even the bad times hold treasure like gold mines
Cos we kissed n made up the whole night we stayed up
Bodies intertwined like hair you'd braid up
Tho I couldn't say "love"- besides it's not like I knew it
I'd never had hurt you if I wasn't influenced
no excuses tho, I blew it - I'm not here to soften blows
I'm here to reveal this side of me that I didn't often show
When you decided to leave, I see I was dumb n naive
I never really thought of you as something I'd need
Too much anger inside's why I'd grit my teeth
Another one hit magician with too many tricks up my sleeve
look at me now, all grown up and I won't budge 
I only tortured the world then cos I wasn't shown love
You got in my way, (sorry) even though it's too late to say it
Don't know why I took this long and why I'd delay it
Hate to sound cliche' but can we make one last moment ours?
I know I made you wait for ages, but this time I brought you flowers
 
 

















 

 

   
 

Preciate the looks, Ex. I definitely wanted to go with a more realistic honest verse. I didn't want it to be abstract, but there is an underlying theme.

I wanted to see if people would feel it. I feel like I been to repetitive lately, I wanna try different stuff.

Oh man you fuckin genius

Cuz I wasnt shown love.....good insight.

I feel like there is something deeper here.....at first I thought it was your dad....but then I thought it was your dreams...idk...am I way off?

Genuis

no you're not a fucking genius. people love to dickride on this site. Chain if you really read it 5 times why didn't you leave more detailed feedback if it was that powerful a verse to you.

without question, a good drop. Great flow, you paint a vivid image - which is a skill most textcee's lack. Good use of multi s here and there.

"no excuses tho, I blew it - I'm not here to soften blows
I'm here to reveal this side of me that I didn't often show
When you decided to leave, I see I was dumb n naive
I never really thought of you as something I'd need
Too much anger inside's why I'd grit my teeth
Another one hit magician with too many tricks up my sleeve"

loved this part of the verse in particular. good work, but i'm not calling you a genius because i'm not dickriding you like the above.

I however agree with what exod had to say. - a lot of emotion went into this piece (it seems) which is what makes this verse. Well done.

I have no constructive criticism to give you since most of this/if not all of this was on point and well written in my opinion.
Only thing i might add is that you could have made it longer - however downside of long pieces is that few actually read the whole thing.

anyway good work.