Open Mic: It Harms but it Helps |
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King Jehu 
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Joined: 23 January 2004 Status: Offline Points: 6088 Crew: Renegades Text Rank: #4 Stats: 54-18-1 Form: WLWWWL |
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 Topic: It Harms but it HelpsPosted: 26 November 2008 at 5:43am |
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You numb the pain, and make me feel like I'm flying
Fell in love with you, it made me forget that I'm dying Never thought about the price of this game Wonder as I lay next to you, why the ice in my veins? My need for you makes the fam make nice but complain While I lay in bed with you and a device to sustain Erotic asphyxiation or respiratory depression? Ways to say you take my breath away in a gory confession Feels like I miss a body part whenever you're gone Till you change the dark skies to sunny weather at dawn Since you've been in my life, I've dealt with less shit And you stuck by with me even though the rest quit But then you lied and I believed you supported the truth Could not turn a blind eye to you distorting my view ... Consequence of living life too fast Taught to never hesitate or I might choose last Being with you has just left me confused Never thinking of the silly things you get me to do Can't think of the many times I defended abuse Can't shake the feeling I've become dependent on you I wish I could let you go and finally walk on my own Wish I could say how I feel, I try to talk, but I moan You make me nauseous, I feel like a wreck when I'm smashed Morphine Harms but it Helps since I lost my leg in that crash... * I shouldn't have to explain this... The Ice in the veins, confused, less shit (constipation), respiratory depression, distorting view, etc, are all associated with Morphine. See if you catch all the references. I also allude to the crash a few times in the piece. I've been on Morphine. Felt too weird. Edit: Added the "with" in "fell in love with you" Edited by King Jehu - 27 November 2008 at 1:11pm |
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Insert something rappy here
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Calibra
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Joined: 28 March 2008 Location: Newcastle, UK Status: Offline Points: 2969 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-3-1 Form: WWWWWN |
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Posted: 26 November 2008 at 5:54am |
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This is the first piece I've fully read from you Jehu and damn im impressed. I thought this was awesome when I thought it was about a girl but the Morphine twist was dope. Your vocab is brilliant here, one thing I generally see from you everytime you post anyway.
This was my fav bar:
"But then you lied and I believed you supported the truth Could not turn a blind eye to you distorting my view" Edited by Calibra - 26 November 2008 at 5:54am |
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King Jehu
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Posted: 26 November 2008 at 5:57am |
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Thanks Cal
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Insert something rappy here
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Matt The Ripper
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Joined: 19 March 2008 Location: Cultus Lake, BC Status: Offline Points: 4042 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-40-2 Form: WLLLLL |
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Posted: 26 November 2008 at 6:07am |
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Once I read "ice in my veins" I caught the morphine references even though I don't know much about morphine.
Anyway... this was a really well typed out, though-provoking piece. Also, *Fell in love with you |
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Calibra
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Posted: 26 November 2008 at 6:11am |
How cute Matt but it's just an Open Mic. No need for all out confessions.  Edited by Calibra - 26 November 2008 at 6:11am |
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Matt The Ripper
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Posted: 26 November 2008 at 5:00pm |
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lmao, Cal.
That's funny shit. |
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DressToKill
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Posted: 26 November 2008 at 5:07pm |
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Always felt you're vocab..i've went back and read some of you're older shit so I knew what to expect. This was nice I liked the twist and its good to see you dropping open mics..The multies worked..I personally didnt catch the "ice in my vains" reference to morphine at first but got it after you explained it to me lol..but nice drop dude..
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The original comeback kid
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Freeda5thDawg
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Posted: 26 November 2008 at 5:11pm |
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lol, the less shit thing makes me laugh...cause i still have that immature humor when it comes to "constipation"...heh, anyway, i really liked this piece...you definitely made it seem as if you weren't being metaphorical at all until reaching the end...of course, by the title, i kind of figured it had something to do with drugs...or a certain drug...i would also say the beginning sets the mood for any type of drug content, lol...but nonetheless, i think you concealed the subject well for the most part, and it was lyrically, very enjoyable to read...good stuff man...and being on morphine is really nice i would say...
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-Orion-
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Posted: 26 November 2008 at 6:11pm |
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Morphine is a powerful thing... I really felt it... man... just reading it gave me that ice in my veins... Got me feeling my hand where I used to feel the needle go in... skin's a little tight... I can't pay a bigger compliment than that... it painted the picture really, really well... got me all psychosomatic and shit
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They just said that FUCKIN' with me They didn't mean it Nah . . . |
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Cuba
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Posted: 26 November 2008 at 6:30pm |
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Don't know what to say...thought you had some very cute references in there; "stuck by me", "shake the feeling", "wreck when I'm smashed" (to an extent, I liked that one but it wasn't as subtle as the other two)...like how you approached the way it fucks with your head, you like the feeling but its deceiving you as well...obviously you worked in the physical symptoms as well... Sick idea, duno where you pulled that one from...really original and not only a good idea but you approached it in a very *struggles to find work* sophisticated manner...applied it to a situation well, without making a really ridiculous and contrived scenario like a lot of other people might have done... But you know all this already...kind of pointless saying
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King Jehu
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Posted: 26 November 2008 at 6:35pm |
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Gracias all for the feedback.
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Insert something rappy here
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U.N.L.M.
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Posted: 27 November 2008 at 12:24am |
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Really liked how you titled this piece and the first line you opened up with...Really painted the picture well and the ice in the veins pretty much nailed it...The "without you, feels like i'm missing a body part" was pretty straightforward...Loved the little detail that was definitely more hidden or at least harder to find like "Can't shake the feeling"...Really enjoyed this piece, and this was a tight bar for what it was and it even connected a symptom of morphine into it...
But then you lied and I believed you supported the truth Could not turn a blind eye to you distorting my view |
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Cuba
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Posted: 27 November 2008 at 12:14pm |
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P.S. This is such an emo topic...Jehu = Emo
P.P.S. You should wait a while before you thank people, that way you get a covert upping of the thread :ninja:
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King Jehu
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Posted: 27 November 2008 at 1:07pm |
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No, I thank people periodically so I get a few covert uppings...
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Insert something rappy here
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Fatal
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Posted: 27 November 2008 at 5:27pm |
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This was so fuckin sick...seriously
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mcwoods
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Posted: 27 November 2008 at 7:45pm |
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I did a piece lik this a week ago... only it was about heroin.. and no one got the heroin references..
*http://www.lyricalassault.co.uk/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=16582 king - nice piece, morphine theme was well hidden with clever mixes of phrases, flow and multis where solid, shit line was cool, as was the moan one.. good read.. Edited by mcwoods - 27 November 2008 at 7:51pm |
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Matt The Ripper wrote: