Open Mic: Angel

I want people to peep this, properly, so leave any links (text, audio, whatever) an' I'll get you back...

Aight... it's LONG, 'cuz it's a story... but every line is vital so follow that shit...

Listen...

When she walked by, everyone was gazin'
Picture perfect, Mediterranean or middle-east Asian
So amazin' was the way she carried herself
Yet she would never be the ego type to marry for wealth
She left the Embassy and went to see if the bar was open
A cab pulled up, a man got out the car approachin'
Her, he couldn't take his eyes off her
He approached her knowin' she'd be the type to decline offers
Yet he confidently walked parallel to her, not sweatin'
Said it was a nice day an' asked where she was headed
She took the blatant flirt wit' her typical sweet nature
And after talkin' at the bar, he asked to date her
She accepted, though not obsessed with success
This guy had it all from job to the wealth an' the dress
The typical batchelor catch that the ladies wanna see
Infatuated with the simple beauty of this lady's honesty
For weeks, they were totally focused
He'd praise her for the little things she always thought nobody noticed
He said he was a solicitor, born an' bred American
She was half-Iraqi, her father a Gulf War Veteran
Raised in Venezuela, now she writes for NY's biggest paper
She'd dream of bein' the downtrodden's saviour
And he'd always gotten the best from life
Yet never held down a girl or kept a wife
But with her, he had security, assuredly
This made her feel loved and appreciated for her purity
She preferred to be this way, as opposed to her ex
Tom was openly vexed by her moral pose to the threats
Of dough an' the feds, see The Man pays to silence opinions
Condemns violence but there's violence within 'em
They'd tried to get in an' pay her and her ex
He was a publisher, now one of her current connects
She was writin' a report, exposin' some shit
They tried to pay off the publisher knowin' he'd give
He tried to explain to her the danger wasn't worth it
She wouldn't listen, they even split from the arguments that surfaced
Though they ain't friends now, he kept his word ya see
Tom agreed he'd publish it for her out of courtesy
So she's still writin', whilst he's fascinated by her stories
She'd laugh shyly sayin' most found 'em boring
And she was there for him too, to care an' to sooth
But he was head over heels, without declarin' too soon
But when he did, they were happily placed
Only two months since meetin' Aisha an' Sam were engaged
'Cuz true love does exist, they hugged an' they kissed
Then Sam was told to erase the report and smother the bitch
That was the order, he refused it
This Con-man-slash-assassin had been struck by Cupid
Told The Man over the phone to let him leave peacefully
Or he'd expose them easy most indecently
This was it, he planned to move them away
Planned to start over, planned to do it an' pray
The Man told Tom, Aisha's ex, the publisher griped
Furious, he'd lose his money and the love of his life
He called Aisha, told her all 'bout Sam
Told her tonight was the last night of the drawn-out plan
She was set to die, but lay waitin' for him
But he gave it all up for her, he only came in to drink
The lights were out, he went to the bedroom, still in his coat
She came from behind the door and slit his throat
He choked, turned, shakin' his head
He gargled "I said no" before he collapsed, layin' there dead
She trembled silently, then her name was whispered quietly
She turned and Tom blasted a gat at her violently
One to the throat, she fell back chokin'
Tom dangled his keys to her place he never gave back, hopin'
Then he'd thrown them, tears in his eyes
He stood above her, his former lover, he weeped as she died
Not even a bullet wound hid her beauty
Her eyes too filled with tears, as she quivered she grew weak
He grabbed a cushion, dropped to the floor, smothered her
He couldn't bear to look at her now that he'd fucked her up

Then he said "I had no choice...
You broke my heart, you left me, I had no choice
I took the money honey, straight after we split, shit
If my heart was broke, $3mil and an assassin would fix it
Now I laugh at my sickness, but understand it please
A Pro was the only fool-proof plan ya see
I didn't want you to die, I wanted ya love
Wanted to fuck... bitch I didn't want to give up"
He's still smotherin', beatin' an' pushin'
He felt her nose crack and blood seap through the cushion
"It was the only way for me to get past it
Sam was a crook, don't be believin' this bastard
He didn't love you, not like I did
The Man told me to keep my enemy close, so I did
See I agreed to publish but it was planned that you'd die"
He was chokin' an' gropin' her wit' ravenous eyes
"I'm not sick, I swear, it's what you do to men, bitch
When Sam was gonna take you I knew what I had to do to end this
I set it up for you, my Angel, don't fear me
I know you're already dead but I KNOW you can hear me
Please answer, say you'll forgive me, say it's ok"
His eyes glazed as he gazed at the Angel's life he'd taken away...

Edited by -Orion-

*sneezes* This was sick.
lmfao @ tha dope ending yo. flow was fuckin right for a plot. I know how hard that shit is to do too while tellin a story cuz i was tryin it in school one day. Real interestin. Yeah, it's a long piece but went real smooth so that once i got into it i forgot bout the length till I was done. I undertood it the whole way through which alone deserves props when puttin a story in rhyme. Yo, this mustve taken a while to write. Props on errything. So is there a part2 or wut? i dunno how a part2 would be possible if all the characters are dead, but just maybe ya somehow have an idea in mind...

anyways, i'd def. say this is a classick tho... a def. classick

1

Dope shit man, was a great story. Usually verses that long will have me bored halfway through and ill just pretend iv read the rest but this one just kept me reading on cause i wanted to know what happends next, some nice twists in the story very imaginetive and like ryder said it reminded me of 'dance with the devil' shit. It's hard to story tell without dragging it on and boring the reader but you dont the complete opposite man shows real talent, was a real nice ending....shit the whole peice was nice not much bad i can say about it really...dope drop man keep em cummin....

P.s...get ya ass off this board n make the money ya talent wants lol

Ok first of all the closest Immortal Tech song it comes closest to is you never know. It was a gripping story you build the characters up well you could feel the deilemas of them all. Bring up the image that the sword is indeed mightier then the pen dont know if you ment that. Flowed well but the story was more important. Also was there ment to be religious immagry 9in there cuz i kinda got a christ dying for others feel from it anyway really enjoyed reading it.

Yeah...thanks for the feed... And Kay B, Nep is right, lmao... I been hearin' that a lot since I put this up tho (on UL it's got a Bible's worth of feedback)... I even thought this would make a good book... and I've got a cousin who's an aspirin' film maker who writes screenplays... haha, we'll see, word

Whuts left 2 say when erybody said it? Defo good drop O, but i wouldnt expect less from u lol. Tight story, tha whole nine dawg defo feelin it man. Yessir!

Ooowee...


U should start writing films or sum shit nigga

Shits defo a classic.. Infact imma put this an jehu's piece in thur now

 

Love the story got confusin at times like thur was too many heads invovled other than that kept me goin all the way thru.. an ending was a killer

Edited by ILLA

same thing sprung into my head when he said that

This is ridiculous

Yo dat shit is deep brah