Open Mic: bluebells |
Post Reply
|
| Author |
Rating: Topic Search Topic Options
|
fuckoff
Newbie
Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Topic: bluebellsPosted: 23 May 2013 at 12:06pm |
|
a rolling stone fucks the growin roses
sick like plague, so keep a pocket full of posies blossom in rage, n buddin the dopest flooding the fields, with blood of you vultures yellin in squarks, im deading these pawns stemin ya thoughts with venomous thorns fly like petals fell loose n caught in the wind at one with the flora, singin cautionary hyms seems the apple never falls far from the tree seeded by sickness, so why you barkin at me? freeze the roots of you weedy shoot herbs squeeze the noose dude see the truth hurts dirt spews from my mouth i beg ya pardon but im layin down dope like new grass in a garden plantin verbs like nectar, usin the suns power to produce artisty, van gogh's sunflower |
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
|
Cuba
Senior Moderator
Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12332 ![]() Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 24 May 2013 at 7:47pm |
|
Haha, I just read your Sig after the last line...like complete opposite vibe! This was cool man, interesting to roll with the floral plays the whole way through. Lot of cleverness in here, laying down dope was very sharp, stemming ya thoughts with venomous thorns as well. I dug it (no pun intended, arf arf)
Strange title though...guessing people probably aren't peeping it coz of that |
|
|
|
![]() |
|
fuckoff
Newbie
Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 24 May 2013 at 11:13pm |
|
cheers man, tbh dont think iv ever posted anything that wasnt slept on regardless of the name
|
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
|
fuckoff
Newbie
Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 26 May 2013 at 10:57pm |
|
Bummmmp
|
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
|
DressToKill
Superior Member
Joined: 27 June 2006 Location: Canada,New Brunswick Status: Offline Points: 6876 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 78-62-0 Form: LLWWWL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 26 May 2013 at 11:43pm |
|
Really cool piece, had a nice vibe to it and it was pretty clever as well. I don't see why this is getting slept on, it deserves some recognition. Anyways, I enjoyed the read.
|
|
|
The original comeback kid
|
|
![]() |
|
Exoduzt
Superior Member
NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 27 May 2013 at 1:35am |
|
This was really nice in some sections...I honestly just liked the whole set up and style of this one....I really liked your opening line...it really grabbed my attention...
"a rolling stone fucks the growin roses sick like plague, so keep a pocket full of posies blossom in rage, n buddin the dopest flooding the fields, with blood of you vultures"---this was fucking sick...I loved this part overall I thought this should not be slept on at all...impressive |
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
|
IZIAH
Standard Member
Joined: 31 August 2012 Location: alberta, Canada Status: Offline Points: 2041 Audio Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-3-1 Form: WLLWLN |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 27 May 2013 at 2:11am |
|
wow, very good peice my man, as cuba said the floral plays were good. in my case very dope. good job on that. keep it up!
|
|
|
~Insight The Inspired~
|
|
![]() |
|
The Law
Site Moderator
God of the Minions Joined: 15 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5504 ![]() Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 64-8-8 Form: LNWWWW |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 01 July 2013 at 1:18pm |
|
Nice little short piece. I enjoyed it. Only thing I have critique wise to say (maybe accent), was a couple of the ending rhymes were a bit pushy on the slant end. But besides that it's a great drop. The figurative language you used throughout the drop was outstanding and well thought up.
My favorite lines were the blood of you vultures and apple never fars fall from the tree lines. Overall this is definitely a unique drop. Also I read somewhere on this page something about your title being stange. I actually thought it fit the drop pretty well. Great piece.
|
|
![]() |
|
fuckoff
Newbie
Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 01 July 2013 at 2:49pm |
|
ta man. check out the audio version on audio mic for a longer version with rhymes you can hear lol
|
|
![]() |
|
![]() |
|
Cee-Jay Outlaw
Standard Member
Joined: 11 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2131 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: WLLWWL |
Post Options
Likes(0)
Quote Reply
Posted: 01 July 2013 at 2:57pm |
|
i agree completely with what Cuba and Dress said.. very nice read, however short. I enjoyed the Short bar set out of this, certain verses can pull it off yet some dont work out just right..
Thought this was nice, the short scheme gave it a poetic feel aswell. Keep up!
|
|
![]() |
|
Post Reply
|
|
|
Tweet
|
| Forum Jump | Forum Permissions ![]() You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum |
|