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Kay B 
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Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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 Topic: InvisiblePosted: 18 October 2009 at 10:40pm |
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Written for battle with JS...but lookin for some feed too The real me's dead...Im now merly a shadow of my former self.. Lemme explain... Holdin' back thoughts that my craziness claims Faces'll changed an' different spaces arranged Recieved lessons, gave up after i trained an i triained Driven by regrets an' become a slave to this blame Kevin grew invisible on that day that he shamed Wake from a drug binge stretch an' replay it again Eye's closed, witnessed reality's clever surprise "Not afraid that i fell, but scared i'll never arise" Parents looking on in shame, will he ever survive? Is he following the path in which hell and heaven divides? Spread over a hospital bed, via tubes bein fed Breathtakin, mother screams "im confused is he dead" After a major dose of herion and various pills Doctor carried on while mum stood starin' an still "He'll survive but major fluids entered his brain" And im sorry to say...He'll be the same...never again Edited by Kay B - 18 October 2009 at 10:40pm |
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I-kontinue
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The Sovereign Joined: 14 July 2004 Status: Offline Points: 4961 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: #3 Stats: 46-9-0 Form: WWWWWL |
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Posted: 21 October 2009 at 4:55pm |
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Ha, if a doctor ever did that I'd be pissed... "He'll be the same (pauses)... Never again". Flow was hot. Was a really smooth read... Feel like the story could have developed better with a longer length of the verse though.
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Kay B
Superior Member
Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 21 October 2009 at 6:39pm |
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This initially gonna be an open and longer but i thought i could use the idea to flip the topic but by using it in the battle (which needs votes) i was restricted to 16 lines...Props on the feed though man, appreciate it
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I-SEE-GRIPS
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Joined: 19 May 2008 Location: South London Status: Offline Points: 1214 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 12-23-0 Form: LLWLLL |
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Posted: 21 October 2009 at 9:40pm |
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Thought the rhymes were nice ish flowed well
A battle so you do pre write then even if you unaware ya doing it
Not sure what the topic was I guess thats why Kon said the story could have been longer
Pretty sure the quack would have said "he'll never be the same again" but that would not of worked so well
Good, nothing amazing though
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Kay B
Superior Member
Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 21 October 2009 at 9:45pm |
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Since you've read the the verse u could go vote since u only have one to read now....and i wrote this after the battle was set up, so no pre-written in any way lol
Thanks for the feed though |
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I-SEE-GRIPS
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Joined: 19 May 2008 Location: South London Status: Offline Points: 1214 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 12-23-0 Form: LLWLLL |
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Posted: 21 October 2009 at 9:49pm |
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Are you allowed to ask me to vote Kay? Lol
I will drop a fair vote before the night is through
Ps
You wrote this after the battle was set up ok thats fair
for an open mic so I guess its only recycling that ya guilty of then
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Kay B
Superior Member
Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 21 October 2009 at 9:55pm |
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Lol recycling is when u re-use a battle verse for another battle not posting a battle verse (topical verse) to recieve more feed than you will in a battle, and yes im allowed to ask you to vote on the battle....in no part did i ask u to vote for me....simply to vote....
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I-SEE-GRIPS
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Joined: 19 May 2008 Location: South London Status: Offline Points: 1214 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 12-23-0 Form: LLWLLL |
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Posted: 21 October 2009 at 10:04pm |
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Recycling is when you use something again
As you wrote this for an open mic and then used it for a battle its recycled material
Pointless convo end
Peace
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Kay B
Superior Member
Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 21 October 2009 at 10:06pm |
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I wrote two lines randomly....than decided fuck it...ima flip the topic, i told chain it was for a battle he said it deserved more feed....so i also posted it as an open mic to get feed....so yeah like u said pointless convo....back to some feed please
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J Sass
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Joined: 24 June 2009 Location: Omaha,Ne Status: Offline Points: 1918 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 12-7-3 Form: WWWNNN |
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Posted: 22 October 2009 at 10:17am |
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man i like this shyt....
i thought ya Concept was on point
it just sucks that it was against me lol
naw but i like how ya mind works
Sass
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