Open Mic: Make. Believe. |
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Nigma
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Topic: Make. Believe.Posted: 24 January 2014 at 5:55am |
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Make. Believe.
We were only seventeen! Both wild childs, but had good hearts Our family lives have amplified the smiles we had bookedmarked I took to rye, she was more a Gewürztraminer wine girl Bright as porcelaine diamonds, she was sure to shine up my world We were forced to try and snort some lines as highschool soared on by us. Our portrait was important, we conformed to hide in normal sight A chorus of adepts advise the forming of a mortal minded Mordecai They said It’s time for an investment, spend in credit, it’s the best way! Just pay for education, pick a trade, obtain the best grades The stress, it gave me chest pains, mind would wander where it shouldn’t I would ponder where they took him, why his sons life wasn’t looked at Sometimes I’d find old books to read of father and his goodness Mom provides me with a bushel, and as eyes both stalk the pile She confined one, said it’s gloomy and did not want me to look at it Guess Dad was wild in his youth, it seems like all of us are crooked But he glided up to Chief of the police before they took him Ratted by his own policemen, he was swallowed for a good rest But was honored by his team and I responded quick with good sense Just like mice pursuing boots of cheese... I followed in his footsteps . . . Soon as I got off duty, just to swallow off the blues, I thought I’d call a hooker Of all the slags to choose and send me, why’d the booker have to choose her.. I described the bluish dress I had requested on the new girl I’m Lieutenant. been accredited with excellence, the truths blurred My blemish is embezzling percentages to screw girls Deception in it’s method, yes unethical, but Lou serves them! Tap, tap.. Finally! Race off to the door to find my maiden She had huge curves, boobs firm, bet her juices mighty tasty Her hat was slightly faded and it’s hiding sight from faces Such nostalgia as she prowled, it’s the liveliness I’m craving She said ‘Thousand for an hour’ price was high but I still paid it To my amazement, as the hat tipped backwards and our eyes drew I find the grace of my past chapter, lady love from back in highschool As I go to make an action, grasp a thigh or maybe swipe her cooch YOU BITCH! Its bad.. No sex for me, well SHIT, since I’m a cop, I’m screwed She quickly flips a badge and then arrests me for soliciting a prostitute |
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INK.
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Joined: 24 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 951 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-0-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 24 January 2014 at 6:01am |
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very well written, flow is nice. Alot of humor, nice metaphors and its a fun filled-read.
"Tap, tap.. Finally! Race off to the door to find my maiden She had huge curves, boobs firm, bet her juices mighty tastyHer hat was slightly faded and it’s hiding sight from faces Such nostalgia as she prowled, it’s the liveliness I’m craving She said ‘Thousand for an hour’ price was high but I still paid it To my amazement, as the hat tipped backwards and our eyes drew I find the grace of my past chapter, lady love from back in highschool As I go to make an action, grasp a thigh or maybe swipe her cooch YOU BITCH! Its bad.. No sex for me, well SHIT, since I’m a cop, I’m screwed She quickly flips a badge and then arrests me for soliciting a prostitute" this was very rich in detail, wit, and humor. haha i am still laughing at this. Dope man, sorry i can't really give you a novel. Its very well worded, awesome love it haha
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Nigma
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Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4078 Crew: Elision ![]() ![]() |
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Posted: 24 January 2014 at 6:05am |
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Whatsup Ink I appreciate the quick feed, thank you broseph
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JBrenn
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Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3778 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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Posted: 24 January 2014 at 6:12am |
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another instant classic from Nigma!!!
I think you and goose could right some mad complex audios and honestly the two styles would mix amazingly. Nigma this is on your regular sick shit! To my amazement, as the hat tipped backwards and our eyes drew I find the grace of my past chapter, lady love from back in high school ^^^^^ THIS WAS MY FAVORITE!!!
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Xplicit19
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Joined: 12 November 2013 Location: Usa Status: Offline Points: 764 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 14-9-1 Form: WLWNLL |
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Posted: 24 January 2014 at 6:15am |
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How the fuck do u say that German word is all I can say lol
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Nigma
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Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4078 Crew: Elision ![]() ![]() |
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Posted: 24 January 2014 at 6:24am |
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Its a type of wine that youve probably heard a million times in your life but have never seen it written. I promise it flows :) thanks for all the read everyone
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INK.
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Joined: 24 June 2013 Status: Offline Points: 951 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-0-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 24 January 2014 at 6:40am |
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uppin
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Smoothtung
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Joined: 09 December 2012 Status: Offline Points: 2222 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 25-8-3 Form: WWWLWN |
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Posted: 24 January 2014 at 1:24pm |
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why is ink bumping this verse?
anyway, aha love this nigma! such a great twist at the end, just when I thought I saw it coming she ends up being a cop also! genius man I have to point out this bar though because its on some fly type shit "Our portrait was important, we conformed to hide in normal sight A chorus of adepts advise the forming of a mortal minded Mordecai" you know, until the last 2 lines this piece had me thinking of 'centerfold' by the J Giles band.. Just wanted to put that out there cuz im listening to it right now because you, aha
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Though you never even had the chance to witness it |
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Kiki Spirez
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Joined: 30 December 2008 Location: Chesterfield Status: Offline Points: 4375 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 68-26-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 24 January 2014 at 2:07pm |
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Multi's and internals were on point, as per usual.
You've really grown as a writer man. Cos you started out as someone with a great vocab and multi game, but the substance was always quite rigid, the moon and the stars, fantasy stuff, plucking nice but irrelevant imagery out of thin air. They were always enjoyable, but I do admit that I like to see an artist that can have technique, whilst having a sense of humour and looseness about his content. And I think you've definitely combined the two now, and this is a perfect example. Your structure was flawless, but most of it sounded like speech you'd use in normal conversation. I especially loved the opener, the flow and choice of words was brilliant.
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Nigma
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Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4078 Crew: Elision ![]() ![]() |
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Posted: 24 January 2014 at 4:17pm |
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Sorry Smooth, I posted on my wrong account. Hate when that happens... Thanks for the lovely feedback from you both :)
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-Que-
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Joined: 22 April 2010 Status: Offline Points: 2745 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 13-4-1 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 24 January 2014 at 6:50pm |
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whuddup my Nigma! Shit.....you know what I dig.....its that Old World type of vibe you put out. Like shit historians debate about. You be droppin chapters of shit that contain so much good usage of vocabulary. But yet you keep that Gladiator/Philospher/scientific edge. A deadly combo!
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Nigma
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Joined: 25 March 2013 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 4078 Crew: Elision ![]() ![]() |
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Posted: 25 January 2014 at 5:50pm |
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Gladiator/Philosopher/Scientific is a great compliment hahah appreciate it man, thanks for reading
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Nigma
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Posted: 26 January 2014 at 8:05pm |
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Elevation
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Lucky D
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Joined: 17 November 2008 Location: Canada Status: Offline Points: 1528 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 17-21-0 Form: WWLLLL |
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Posted: 26 January 2014 at 8:33pm |
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First off I like the trasintion from one verse to the next, executed well. Nice vocab in places and execellent descriptive rhymes. The only thing that got me at all was the the odd line that didn't fit, rhyme wise. Odd count. Through off the flow at first. But very well written. I like these kind of pieces. |
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