Open Mic: Release The Kraken |
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rhetorical
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Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 809 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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Topic: Release The KrakenPosted: 08 August 2022 at 2:01pm |
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Halt. Who dare enter my chamber? Come attempt your blindly vaunted victory stranger, but Be forewarned, you’re not the first to visit this manger Or journey this quest that brought others to imminent danger Slaying this beast? … as if my death validates Any iconoclastic idea that false heroes create But such is fate. See, I'm irrationally feared, a creature of sizable myth Surviving inside of a shadow my legend widely eclipsed Lying dormant. Oceanic overlord quiescently perched Submerged on an abyssal shelf I incessantly searched For certain peace that often failed to emerge Each scale donned a scar detailing a tale that unearths Triumph. Battles fought that slaughtered valiant scourge Who tried treading my waters when battalions surged Various challengers, all who have tried to converge And died fighting for dreams I decried or diverged Every urge tempered by warnings in passage ‘Never set sail on high-seas if storms are amassing ‘ Perhaps it would pass. This daunting task I’m assigned Confined to warden these oceans and casted aside Bind to my lair. Shackled by grief and despair Never touched the warmth of the sun or felt the breeze in the air Just here. In depths so deep nobody visits this segment Where sounds mope around liquid hat-rack rhythm sections Reflecting maudlin tones. Echoes melodically sung I understand accomplishments, but can’t see the logic in some Grew numb while dragging this crown that I wore Sick of being the half galley-slave tied down to his oar Or the functionary badge wearing officialdom Who can’t lift a gavel to free himself from his own idioms See, that’s my conundrum I quietly crafted myself Each victory, a coquina block masonic trap that I built In my stone prison walls padded with barnacle shells That cut flesh to the bone when I’m attempting to scale And be free as those sailors who clandestinely dwell To any nautical point of the earth their vessel can sail Nestled in freedom. Whilst I wrestled with hell & so much deadwood no amount of pruning reveals The pain beneath So. If it’s my position you seek Then strike a mighty fatal blow that renders me weak And rule this ocean with an iron fist as violent as me So you can lie in the loneliness that I’ve been trying to leave While people whisper tales of your heroics in praise Chanting fables and hyms of when the Kraken was slain Erect a monolith in your name to remember this day You won. Now come take this baron ocean I would have given away. . . |
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Concrete
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Joined: 02 September 2013 Location: Oslo Status: Offline Points: 1424 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 33-6-0 Form: WWWWWW |
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Posted: 18 August 2022 at 6:09pm |
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Cool to see somebody still doing this, as for the piece it was definitely in my flavour. The story, mood vocab, pacing, rhymes, etc all came together really well. Tho it wasn't simplistic it read quite easy, probably because you had this sort of bouncy flow going on. Enjoyed the topic as well, I wrote something kinda similar some years ago tho not half as advanced as this.
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JBrenn
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Joined: 03 May 2006 Status: Offline Points: 3778 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-26-0 Form: WWLWWW |
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Posted: 31 August 2022 at 3:21pm |
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THIS!! this is what LA use to breathe a topical written from a different perspective.
Very deep no pun intended but it had a great feel as well. Good drop and very well formatted.
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Sammy
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Beacon of Light Joined: 24 October 2015 Status: Offline Points: 2227 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 1-1-1 Form: LNW |
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Posted: 20 November 2022 at 9:19pm |
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theres a meta feel about this verse. but word, the usual enoch flair is handprinted all over this. tight flow. dope metaphors, wild vocabs. but to dissect this verse a bit..
that first line alone seems to struck a meta-chord in that you are describing ur tenure in this writing arena that we call text (or topical to the nerds). the verse fits ur personality perfectly as, you, someone who's been doing this for ages and won countless battles and war is never of the arrogant or cocky type. even when u lose, you accept gracefully. youre apathy of it all is well presented which is why that last line was certainly earned. good shit bro. in the arena of topical, in a dragon ball context, you'd be above cell and frieza and just below Jiren. so i'd say ur HITT. sitting comfortably third in my hierarchy.
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H4ZE
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Joined: 13 July 2013 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 1859 Crew: eNtiTy Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 4-6-0 Form: WWLLLL |
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Posted: 29 November 2022 at 5:03am |
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this screams what LA used to be. THIS is the topical shit I remember reading and wanting to be able to write like dawg. This is what made me get into writing. The flow i got in my head just reading this and tryna figure out how you flowed it mentally was crazy. And that all just comes down to knowing how to put your lines together and word them right cuz if its worded right its gonna flow regardless and thats one thing ive seen wrong with a lot of these newer folks on LA. They jus piece rhymes together but syllable wise it doesnt match up so the flow seems weird. Nd i havent seen ANY topicals recently this shit is fire. Got me in the mood to do some topical shit. Yall bringing me back to my roots!
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rhetorical
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Joined: 14 February 2014 Location: Florida Status: Offline Points: 809 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 2-1-0 Form: WWL |
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Posted: 05 May 2023 at 8:36pm |
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Thank you everyone
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