Open Mic: Things Change |
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Freeda5thDawg 
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Joined: 19 June 2006 Status: Offline Points: 1324 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
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 Topic: Things ChangePosted: 22 July 2008 at 3:00pm |
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Through a struggle full of hustle and pain - I’m tussled through games...
Of thugs who would aim a gun to ya face to smuggle ya chains- - I’ve mumbled the troubles I came - Under to cover ya gains... With subtle and sane-humble and tame love to refrain... From the scuffles and hate - In this rubble of fake... Justice who break and cuff ‘em for their color and race- - Puffin’ and blaze their grudges away - Trust me, a day... In their strut could decay and rust you through the mud of the grave- - Look at the blood that I’ve drained for a brother I saved- - Now he runs in my face and labels me a fuckin’ disgrace- - If he were stuck in my place - He would be stuffin’ his veins... With either drugs or a blade - Cause I was struck in that stage- - For this I chuckle as the dust in the page is muffled with flames... And puddles of reign that smothered the must in my name- - It’s why I muster the strains - Sustain the stuff that could change... My lust to be great and fluctuate from the bumps in my ways- - Punks were the breaks that punched me in the stomach and stayed... Crushing my faith...when I would run to tumble and pray- - The things my tongue-holds is trained - To crumble the wastes... Of lungs into grains and crumbs for grudges they dunked in my lane- - Trust me, today - I won’t be the one to escape- - I’ll punish every fucking son with a mother I waved... At...Way back in the days kats would fuck with my dame- - It’s a must that they taste gats and take back the stuff they would say- - But what if they changed? - Fuck it - I’m one in the same- - Blunted, insane - Troubled, and straight fucked in the brain... So come in and play - Let’s have fun and a...wait? How the fuck did this change to something so gutter as rape... |
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Cuba
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Legendary Assassin Joined: 14 June 2004 Location: England Status: Offline Points: 12332  Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 47-22-0 Form: WWWWLW |
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Posted: 22 July 2008 at 4:37pm |
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I thought that this was pretty dope, at points you maybe struggled to maintain a rhyme scheme that started extremely strongly....I think that maybe you were a little too much to the 'rhyme side' on the scale but still enjoyable, you can't deny that the multisybbalics were impressive and you still managed to say something...I would have maybe traded the rhyme scheme a little to make what you were saying a litle stronger, but still styling on them
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Freeda5thDawg
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Joined: 19 June 2006 Status: Offline Points: 1324 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
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Posted: 22 July 2008 at 5:45pm |
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i too wanted to switch it up...i dunno, it's an OCD kinda thing where i start forcing myself to continue the rhyme scheme...so yeah, i agree...thanks for the feed man...
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Fatal
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...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
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Posted: 22 July 2008 at 5:57pm |
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There's not too many who can fuck wit you as far as flow and multies go...You and senor probably pull it off the best but still wit contrasting styles....The drop itself was dope...the flow and multies were hot of course...But yea, you dont always have to spit the same rhyme scheme throughout the same verse...i bet you can drop a sick ass open mic only rhyming two bars at a time....Still this is hands down better than 90% of the verses in open mic today...My fave part was:
But what if they changed? - Fuck it - I’m one in the same- - Blunted, insane - Troubled, and straight fucked in the brain... So come in and play - Let’s have fun and a...wait? How the fuck did this change to something so gutter as rape... Great read, man... ...1 |
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Freeda5thDawg
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Joined: 19 June 2006 Status: Offline Points: 1324 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
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Posted: 22 July 2008 at 6:13pm |
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thanks alot man...
and yeah, the rhyme scheme thing usually hits me when the beat is short...like the one i wrote this to...it allowed that many bars i wrote above... if i were to sit down, no beat, and write in focus, i'd definitely would focus on other elements to the verse...which is my next plan, hehe... again, thanks for the feed... |
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Kay B
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Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
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Posted: 22 July 2008 at 6:17pm |
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Flow and multi's were dope as usual, i actually love the fact you use only one rhyme scheme throughout alot of opens, i don't see anyone on LA doing that which to me is one of the things which make you standout, since imo you are the best overall writer on LA.
To me, you never seem to force any rhymes or multi's and even when some may see something as forced it takes nothing away from the content and makes every drop you make a real good read, and there always different so i never feel your repeating anything which even im guilty of, alot of quotable s but fatal pointed out my fave lines...dope drop man |
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Rhymez
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Joined: 13 April 2008 Status: Offline Points: 163 |
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Posted: 22 July 2008 at 11:54pm |
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This is straight fever. The way to explain your drops, its like someone took scripts from the bible, put it together as a poem, and worded it a little differently without cursing. real talk this one was off the scale.
Edited by Rhymez - 22 July 2008 at 11:57pm |
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Freeda5thDawg
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Joined: 19 June 2006 Status: Offline Points: 1324 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 5-1-0 Form: WWWLWW |
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Posted: 23 July 2008 at 12:11am |
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thanks alot you both...and the best writer here, damn, as much as i appreciate that compliment kay, there's still many here that inspire me...
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Point Blank
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Joined: 20 May 2005 Status: Offline Points: 7234 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 92-27-5 Form: WWNWWN |
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Posted: 23 July 2008 at 6:53am |
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You already know :P
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