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Young-Sick 
Groupie 
Joined: 02 January 2008 Status: Offline Points: 86 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-1 Form: LN |
 Topic: Rank me pleasePosted: 02 January 2008 at 3:27am |
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Rank me please!
Sir or No sin? he drops to his knee's its" dear heavenly father wit out you I would appear dead or be slaughtered" but he's bothered by what's dear to those people by him steerin mo evil or him fearin no equal so he prays to you now since he's fathered tha tensest he kno his burdens weighin hard on his sins its just his conscience layin part of this senseless to be good or evil, he see his heart on tha fense its just waitin to tip, tha confessions of a dealer's are happy til he mirrored reflections of a killa heart on his tongue, delivered death or be tha sinner ......its longetivity for wealth or be tha dinner 12 minutes of heat for tha sleet and dames ass fast money wit fleets visit peaks that came fast no orgasms,.....do he continue for more,pass'em or cut his sins for short be part of tha poors spasms? he cries ....."will you answer me, lord, im so lost how much longer will my sins pour wit no cost" but i notice i neva could vision his face tha light angled in taste, so i listened in case he speaks his name , but he's pleading his case i seem to watch fallin tears bleed to his face tears showin depleted lives from tha keys or pies tha little heorin moms who scripts a needles life that leaves a little angel trapped in a febble life a little orphan annie strapped wit tha heat or knife no sunshine for hope tomorrow never comes or tha daughter neglected cuz her fathers dead or slummed but as he stands to his feet tha skys open tear puddle shows best scenario's wit lives coppin a thunderous voice said, "you will kno but your sins deplete let there be light" and tha face thats was visioned's me//// |
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Young-Sick
Groupie
Joined: 02 January 2008 Status: Offline Points: 86 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-1 Form: LN |
Posted: 02 January 2008 at 3:27am |
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Can I get a rank please!!!
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Scotty32
Site Owner 
Speaker of Wisdom & Truth Joined: 18 October 2003 Location: North West, UK Status: Offline Points: 10491 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-4-0 Form: WLLWLL |
Posted: 02 January 2008 at 6:35am |
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wow, wait a lil time, or is 30sec to long?
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Young-Sick
Groupie
Joined: 02 January 2008 Status: Offline Points: 86 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-1 Form: LN |
Posted: 02 January 2008 at 8:35am |
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sorry man
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mcwoods
Superior Member 
Joined: 04 December 2006 Status: Offline Points: 4204 Crew: XFade: Phoenix Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 42-51-0 Form: LLLLWW |
Posted: 02 January 2008 at 9:48am |
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we only have like three rankers, and their not that active
id rate this piece as low ama, although there is only novice, ama and pro you have the basics and its a nice piece, just need work and on la people like to see people stick around to see if the rank is granted and deserved by the level of consistency shown in following verses. ie this could be someones one off best verse and that would be it, ya see. but im not a spit4rank judge, so needa wait till they come on, but senior members will offer their opinions, think fatal's a judge and he's active, so he'll drop a rank. |
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Young-Sick
Groupie
Joined: 02 January 2008 Status: Offline Points: 86 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-1 Form: LN |
Posted: 02 January 2008 at 9:50am |
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iight good looking out man
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Fatal
Superior Member
...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
Posted: 02 January 2008 at 9:55pm |
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Im gonna have to agree wit woods...you clearly know the basics of writing...you have the flow part down, jus work on ya content and the wording of bars...i suggest reading alot of open mics and battles from our better members here to see what a dope verse is...keep up tho man...
Rank: Ama
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Kay B
Superior Member
Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
Posted: 03 January 2008 at 8:22am |
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Check out rameez, his shit will help you alot to increase your potential
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Cee-Jay Outlaw
Standard Member 
Joined: 11 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2131 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: WLLWWL |
Posted: 03 January 2008 at 8:49am |
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Lol Kay Dnt be givin the kid the wrong places to look.
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Kay B
Superior Member
Joined: 28 June 2005 Location: Watford Status: Offline Points: 9428 Crew: Lyricist Inc. Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 58-32-0 Form: LLWWWW |
Posted: 03 January 2008 at 9:22am |
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You must of mis-read, i said RAMEEZ...not Woods
 *awaits the hate* |
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Cee-Jay Outlaw
Standard Member
Joined: 11 October 2007 Status: Offline Points: 2131 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 3-3-0 Form: WLLWWL |
Posted: 03 January 2008 at 11:11am |
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oooooh is it some internet bef on woods i've found
and no offence to both you and woods Kay B= u do bitch about woods like every op u get Woods= U do whine about Kay B bein a bitch Just call a fuckin truce ppl are gettin sick of it |
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G-Pfeif
Superior Member
Joined: 19 June 2004 Location: Maryland Status: Offline Points: 2541 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 20-7-0 Form: WWWLLW |
Posted: 03 January 2008 at 11:35pm |
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id say ama as well
you have a pretty good sense of multis.. and use them correctly and pretty well... but your flow and wording of you lines could use work... you use a lot of enjambment, which is when you continue a sentence (or a multi) over multiple lines, which can be cool, but if used too much it just shows you arent sure how to end ur line. keep workin |
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<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v313/G-Pfeif/SuckaMCTo-DoList.png" />
"I'll put a Loss to ya name like a Mexican City" "Ill Put an L to ya EGO like them building blocks" |
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Young-Sick
Groupie
Joined: 02 January 2008 Status: Offline Points: 86 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-1 Form: LN |
Posted: 05 January 2008 at 3:13am |
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thankx how do I get my rank, I mean to people said amateur do I get that rank or it need 3 votes?
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Fatal
Superior Member
...Wicked Wit Wordplay... Joined: 08 March 2005 Location: Chicago Status: Offline Points: 6441 Crew: The Dynasty Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 44-4-2 Form: WNNWWW |
Posted: 05 January 2008 at 3:34am |
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A mod will officially change ya rank...i suggest buggin one our mods like nep or smooth with countess pm's till they finally do...
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Young-Sick
Groupie
Joined: 02 January 2008 Status: Offline Points: 86 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-1-1 Form: LN |
Posted: 05 January 2008 at 3:36am |
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Their nice enough to change it, I won't bother them for now
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NepentheZ
Superior Member
... { 26 } ... Joined: 11 October 2004 Location: Yea..Cake. Man Status: Offline Points: 7727 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 40-32-1 Form: WWLWLW |
Posted: 05 January 2008 at 8:49am |
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Not bad content, but delivery and flow could be improved a lot. Nice ideas yougot floatin' and in time they will develop into great pieces.
AMA here for me. |
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 I'm so fucking intelligent, half the time I don't even know what I'm saying... |
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