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KidCharade View Drop Down
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    Posted: 31 January 2008 at 4:28pm
Dont do many topicals, more into the text field, but this specific piece is a topical
 
 
Nobody knows-the-pain, the dagger, his heart is a cold frozen-flame/
like the world around him is enclosing-pain, and still nobody knows-his-name/
his family is not-there, hes tired of living cause lifes not-fair/
the alcohol reeks in the hot-air, hes so drunk now he does not-care/
he mumbles-and-prays, talkin bout his whole life has been struggles-and-pain/
then his son walks in the door, and drops his books as he stumbles-his-name/
Dad, what are u doing with that gun-in-your-mouth? as his wife hears, she runs-in-the-house/
she starts to panic, then realizes the situation, so she goes over to hug-him-and-shouts/
no baby, please dont do-it, its so damn dumb, and its fuccin stupid/
if you died id probably lose-it, and our son, id probably lose-him/
i know our lifes are hellish, but killing yourself is so selfish/
and if i lost the both of you, i would probably kill myself-then/
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Fatal View Drop Down
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...Wicked Wit Wordplay...

Joined: 08 March 2005
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Fatal Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 February 2008 at 2:08am
You know how to rhyme and you show good skills wit multies...i suggest working on ya content to deliver a more creative piece with more emotion...im curious to see a battle verse from you...
 
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Stalin View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Likes (0) Likes(0)   Quote Stalin Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 February 2008 at 6:53pm
Ama got rhymin down, but some lines too long
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