Open Mic: summer love

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   This was probably one of the best verse's I've seen from you TBH

"an looking like young loves summer dream the sun always shone on her.. man she was sweet
the streaks of red in her hair lit up like her fiery side
I was getting lost in her smiling eyes, while we drive
couldn't help stare, an grin, as hers met mine
speeding, singing 'long to tracks from way back in ninety five"--- great opener...I love how you always come so descriptive with words it really sets the tone for the story...that last line with the long tracks from 95'...i know what that is good shit..

"the sun setting gently, it fades into the dimmed light of night
says she'd told her mum nine - says she's a little tight for time,
well off the beaten track now, and she was like
'were we goin'.. i replied 'i'm not tellin... its called a surprise'
'alright?..', she said with a little bite.. an then she piped
'but what are we doing tonight'.. 'gettin fucked babe'.. *twice*.. "----the descriptiveness of your words paints the picture and story perfectly..you got a real knack for that....lol @ twice

hello?!', 'emergency services, police, fire or ambulance?''police! please! my daughters missing, an im unsure of this man -
her friends havent seen her.. her phones broke or off
this is so unlike her, an we argued before she went sulking off    
'and how olds your daughter, miss?.. twenty? what? im sorry..
but ring back in 48 hours.. till then its best not to worry..'---this was cool in telling the story but where we ae from threw off the flow in the first bar and the last..the middle was fire..and even the flow was different for me you were stilll able to paint a nice picture of the story...

I think she plays with me, teases me.. likes to wind me up
always walkin to work in a short skirt that scream 'im a slut ----haha loved this line...im feeling the story FO alot

 showed her kindness, showerin compliments, till she was like 'No, stop it'but.. id been friendzoned so hard... we'd even go clothes shoppin.. ---haha the friendzone DUH DUH DUH

"
stood at the door knockin, 
six cops and a swat team
'GET THE RAM READY.. 
HIT THE LOCK.. HE'S NOT IN'..
the slams steady an with a 'click' its 
popped off its hinges  
the search beginnin already 
siftin thru paperstacks 
and tossed syringes
rippin every draw out. 
ignoring the stench of rot 
from the kitchens many half empty pots
cause that girl - she been missin days, then 
without a flicker of hesitation 
or any doubt came a heavy shout.. 
'SARGE... COME HERE...' he pauses, 
not cause hes breathin -
he's jus tryna take it all in.. 
'I.. I THINK YOU NEED TO SEE THIS..'"---the scheme on this was different but i liked it a lot...the flow was on point for the most part...i love your story telling abilities...its a shame we havent done a topical collab yet....but yeahi cant wait to see what happens..

walls all dark n dirtied, like theyd risen straight from earth
fallen windows left jus iron bars, on this prison made from dirt
vacated since the eighties, an asylum, where the different went to 'learn'
it was lit up by a sick fuck a touch violent, an it still glistened where it'd burnt,
charred roof n ash, scattered the path like its past occupants minds
knarled roots had wrapped the overgrown gates now lost in the grime
the wooden porch was black like tar, this lonely place rotten wa slime  
most slats now snapped apart, but the door still padlocked with a sign"---now that rite there is some serious story telling writing...the flow was very visible and you matched it with descriptive story telling of the setting...cheers for this

the cupboard a sick shrine to his love
her pictures hung from string, tied from above
next to candles and keepsakes
her lost gloves an other mementos..
this wretched man who'd reached hate
from a rotten love gone bad or mental---this was dope...seriously that was some top notch talent writing

'she was raped.. real brutal.. i think.. this is his mother' .---whatt??

"
we wandered through the neglected ruins, expecting ghouls 
felt an ambiance that would test tombs, an the guts of lesser fools
a menacingly depressive moon filtered through the wreckage roof,
through the beams left to stew an lit up the dusty decrepit rooms"---best part of your drop so far...this was maybe some of the nicer writing i have seen on LA in a ling time...my apologies for missing this drop..damn tha was something

"
could feel his elbows shake, his weight twice mine an bearing down
grunt an rasp, his saliva frothing at the side of his mouth
how long could this fuckin last? my toes clenched in self pity
his trousers were barely down, and he was in me
my whimpers felt silly, trying to tighten up, it was useless, 
dry as fuck, but he pushed through it, excited by his abusiveness.."---whoa whoa..is all i have to say....congrats on one of the best storiy topicals i have read on LA

serious this was dope as fuck FO...be proud of this piece

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Exoduzt Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member NaCl Joined: 08 April 2006 Location: Long Island Status: Offline Points: 5331 Crew: Elision Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 41-7-5 Form: WWWWWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Exoduzt Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 14 January 2014 at 9:58pm
	This was probably one of the best verse's I've seen from you TBH "an looking like young loves summer dream the sun always shone on her.. man she was sweet the streaks of red in her hair lit up like her fiery side I was getting lost in her smiling eyes, while we drive couldn't help stare, an grin, as hers met mine speeding, singing 'long to tracks from way back in ninety five"--- great opener...I love how you always come so descriptive with words it really sets the tone for the story...that last line with the long tracks from 95'...i know what that is good shit.. "the sun setting gently, it fades into the dimmed light of night says she'd told her mum nine - says she's a little tight for time, well off the beaten track now, and she was like 'were we goin'.. i replied 'i'm not tellin... its called a surprise' 'alright?..', she said with a little bite.. an then she piped 'but what are we doing tonight'.. 'gettin fucked babe'.. twice.. "----the descriptiveness of your words paints the picture and story perfectly..you got a real knack for that....lol @ twice hello?!', 'emergency services, police, fire or ambulance?' 'police! please! my daughters missing, an im unsure of this man - her friends havent seen her.. her phones broke or off this is so unlike her, an we argued before she went sulking off 'and how olds your daughter, miss?.. twenty? what? im sorry.. but ring back in 48 hours.. till then its best not to worry..'---this was cool in telling the story but where we ae from threw off the flow in the first bar and the last..the middle was fire..and even the flow was different for me you were stilll able to paint a nice picture of the story... I think she plays with me, teases me.. likes to wind me up always walkin to work in a short skirt that scream 'im a slut ----haha loved this line...im feeling the story FO alot showed her kindness, showerin compliments, till she was like 'No, stop it' but.. id been friendzoned so hard... we'd even go clothes shoppin.. ---haha the friendzone DUH DUH DUH " stood at the door knockin, six cops and a swat team 'GET THE RAM READY.. HIT THE LOCK.. HE'S NOT IN'.. the slams steady an with a 'click' its popped off its hinges the search beginnin already siftin thru paperstacks and tossed syringes rippin every draw out. ignoring the stench of rot from the kitchens many half empty pots cause that girl - she been missin days, then without a flicker of hesitation or any doubt came a heavy shout.. 'SARGE... COME HERE...' he pauses, not cause hes breathin - he's jus tryna take it all in.. 'I.. I THINK YOU NEED TO SEE THIS..'"---the scheme on this was different but i liked it a lot...the flow was on point for the most part...i love your story telling abilities...its a shame we havent done a topical collab yet....but yeahi cant wait to see what happens.. walls all dark n dirtied, like theyd risen straight from earth fallen windows left jus iron bars, on this prison made from dirt vacated since the eighties, an asylum, where the different went to 'learn' it was lit up by a sick fuck a touch violent, an it still glistened where it'd burnt, charred roof n ash, scattered the path like its past occupants minds knarled roots had wrapped the overgrown gates now lost in the grime the wooden porch was black like tar, this lonely place rotten wa slime most slats now snapped apart, but the door still padlocked with a sign"---now that rite there is some serious story telling writing...the flow was very visible and you matched it with descriptive story telling of the setting...cheers for this the cupboard a sick shrine to his love her pictures hung from string, tied from above next to candles and keepsakes her lost gloves an other mementos.. this wretched man who'd reached hate from a rotten love gone bad or mental---this was dope...seriously that was some top notch talent writing 'she was raped.. real brutal.. i think.. this is his mother' .---whatt?? " we wandered through the neglected ruins, expecting ghouls felt an ambiance that would test tombs, an the guts of lesser fools a menacingly depressive moon filtered through the wreckage roof, through the beams left to stew an lit up the dusty decrepit rooms"---best part of your drop so far...this was maybe some of the nicer writing i have seen on LA in a ling time...my apologies for missing this drop..damn tha was something " could feel his elbows shake, his weight twice mine an bearing down grunt an rasp, his saliva frothing at the side of his mouth how long could this fuckin last? my toes clenched in self pity his trousers were barely down, and he was in me my whimpers felt silly, trying to tighten up, it was useless, dry as fuck, but he pushed through it, excited by his abusiveness.."---whoa whoa..is all i have to say....congrats on one of the best storiy topicals i have read on LA serious this was dope as fuck FO...be proud of this piece


Arthur Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Veteran Joined: 23 August 2013 Location: London Status: Offline Points: 2319 Text Rank: #5 Stats: 36-7-0 Form: WWWWLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote Arthur Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 09 February 2014 at 3:39am
	this is fucking sick. the storytelling in this piece is second to none.

AshleyKaos Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Standard Member Joined: 11 October 2013 Status: Offline Points: 2521 Crew: Tha Syndicate Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 28-63-3 Form: LWLLNQ	Post Options Post Reply Quote AshleyKaos Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 09 February 2014 at 5:34am
	Super ill i agree where the fuck you been at ? Lol z.. Im honored to have bern the one to inspire this from my other verse that was ok. But not much compared to this just hapy to have a part in this
	NUMBER 1 FEMALE MC TILL THE DEATH OF ME

fuckoff Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Newbie Joined: 10 April 2013 Location: fucksville Status: Offline Points: 3074 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 27-6-0 Form: WWWWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote fuckoff Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 09 February 2014 at 9:37am
	this is a old piece ashhh. tyyyyy tho


Kilo G Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 25 March 2014 Status: Offline Points: 290 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 11-5-1 Form: WWWWLN	Post Options Post Reply Quote Kilo G Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 April 2014 at 5:00pm
	mayne, this was soo long but was worth reading, its incredibly amazing, i read it like 4 times lol

Trizzy Tre Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 28 March 2013 Status: Offline Points: 5101 Crew: EMPIRE Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 30-7-1 Form: WLWLWW	Post Options Post Reply Quote Trizzy Tre Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 03 April 2014 at 5:10pm
	Kilo did FO give you a few bucks to bump this piece from 2013? lol Dope shit FO


Shankley Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Superior Member Joined: 03 September 2013 Location: Leeds, England Status: Offline Points: 3369 Crew: Kratos Kind Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 37-43-1 Form: WNLWWL	Post Options Post Reply Quote Shankley Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 09 May 2014 at 1:16am
	Dope verze FO bruh. Amazing story with sick imagery. A deserved "Classic Verse" props.
	The Amount of Fucks given: Zero

Dark Eye Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Groupie Joined: 14 January 2015 Status: Offline Points: 46 Text Rank: Unranked Stats: 0-4-0 Form: LLLL	Post Options Post Reply Quote Dark Eye Report Post Likes(0) Quote Reply Posted: 14 January 2015 at 4:44pm
	Dope Verse
	#Respect #Dark Eye