Identity crisis: IC Prelim: Tamfa vs Rutter knows best

Tamfa – The approach you delivered was one full of education. You clearly are really familiar with the topic of “The Black Death” or you did a complete research on it before you created your verse. I felt like I was in a history class with how you were telling me the travels of the virus. It was pretty amazing to see the progression across the continent. As far as descriptive characteristics I got some in your writing. You began writing about the “black limb ends” and the “acute fever” with “blood vomiting”. But to me, more of your verse was about its travels over Europe rather than the destruction it caused. I think if you honed in on a particular person of family, and it affected them, it would’ve helped you. You could’ve made a personal connection rather giving a quick history lesson. You word usage was stellar as well as your vocabulary rhyming.

 

Rutter Knows Best – You started off giving me an overview of the disease that hit and then incorporated yourself. Brining in a character to a topical can only make the piece more relatable unless it’s a really horrible written piece. I think you did well expressing the feelings of someone who lost his wife in this. Turning from a family person who loved his wife, to a cold dead person inside, now personifying the plague, as well as his dead wife. That was executed pretty well for me. Trying to still survive even though he is depressed and broken, then finally saying fuck it and taking the mask off. I thought you gave some good insight on how a person may feel. Overall, good job here.

 

Overall Verdict – Man, to be completely honest this is a tough one to judge. It’s only the pre-lims and people are bringing it. I thought the picture was powerful and you both brought originality to the battle. I think both artists incorporated visual description in there pieces. I think one artists expressed more feeling than the other. I think that is where I tend to lean. Visual, story, & emotion. The background and history is was cool, but I think a topical, for me is always based on those 3 things. I received that more from one artists then the other.

 

MVGT – Rutter Knows Best  

Tampa: Great verse bro, iiked the storyline in this. You started it off well setting the scene well, you went at a completely different angle I thought ya would. The plague story was good and very informative and flowed very well. You painted the story well and the terror that gripped Europe during the black death. It is easily spotted how much research you had done when you wrote this and that added to the verse for me. It was a real good read this and very entertaining, great job bro.

RKB: Another great verse and an enjoyable read. It flowed well and had a nice story behind it. You had painted a good picture of the 'smog' that plagued the big cities of Europe especially London I think it was referred to as 'Pea Soup' but I digress you set the scene well and had some nice multis here and some great internals to help with ya flow. Like I said another great verse, great job bro.

A real tough battle to choose on, two great verses and two completely different takes on the picture. I had to read through multiple times to make a choice and the winner is only so by a hairs breadth. It was a hard choice but I gotta go with the verse I enjoyed reading most, sorry Ritter but...

MVGT Tamfa

Tamfa good use of vocab flowwise this wasnt ur best but I think the vocab made up for it. Not a bad story hit and miss in some points. It was cool how you went through and described how it spread throughout Europe tho I thought it got a bit long winded on that part. Overall it was an above average verse I enjoyed how u took the straight forward historical approach. Good shyt

Rut enjoyable read as well. You took more of a story approach which was cool. Flow wise it Also lacked in some points but it didn't hinder the verse. Towards the second half of the verse the story got hard to follow for me personally. What I mean is like it didn't seem as focused as tamfas verse I'll explain more if u need Me to but I'm on my phone right now. Overall it was a dope verse I think if u had have done more with the story maybe add a twist then u could have edged this out. I give tam the vote for having a cleaner more focused verse great battle by both

Tamfa - was a strange verse, feel like I've made some of the same criticisms of other verses in this prelim...for me I didn't like your rhythm, it didn't read or flow like a rap verse and to me that's how it should read. Individually your lines were smooth enough (not perfect) but you need to bring it together cohesively as a verse. You very also very standoffish in your approach, I'm personally looking for something that reveals a depth of character and your ability to tell a story from a first person perspective when you're given a character in the picture. Ok, you linked it to the plague and I get that you've done your research / known your time period...but equally you don't really specifically refer to anything in the picture until a few lines from the end & you've kind of lost me as a reader as that point. The aim should be to write something compelling, and although I did find your verse interesting on the level of the detail you have & also in terms of your vocab and use of it which was largely impressive (some points felt like you crowbarred a big word or phrase in there...comes off a little pompous).

So yeah, overall there were some features to your verse that I enjoyed and appreciated but ultimately a lot was lacking in terms of the structural cohesiveness of the verse & also the ability to tell a compelling story with depth...ultimately this was just a big long narrative.

Rutter - I think you had the elements that I was looking for from Tamfa...you went first person, you progressed a story, you based a story on the character you'd been given. All positives. If anything I thought you lost a bit of focus, you started off pretty well & I was like 'yeah, I'm going to get a good story out of this' and then it kind of faded into a whole bunch of bland stuff about "grotesque images" (I'm being a bit harsh calling it bland, because it was good descriptive writing...it's just that it didn't really advance your narrative, I kind of wanted a bit of that but also at the same time progressing your story)...because ultimately although you came with a story it was quite simple and you didn't really show a great deal of imagination about what this persons story could've been. That said, I thought you recovered towards the end and progressed your narrative a bit more, which I think saved you really...I also thought your verse read like one verse, so it was more cohesive. Obviously you can still work on rhythm and flow, as you didn't have it nailed by a long shot...but I wouldn't say there was any inherently weak parts either.

So yeah, overall I think you did a pretty good job...I would've liked to see you think through your idea a bit more, and that might've meant you executed the narrative to a higher standard. But you made a good attempt & your verse contrasted well against Tamfa's

Clearly I think Rutter did a better job here I terms of writing a more interesting/compelling verse...I think if Tamfa cleaned up the verse structure and added a human touch to the verse it would've been a much more difficult decision, but, as it is, my vote goes to Rutter for generally executing a better verse.

Vote = Rutter